


The Man in the Box

by robinasnyder



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fucking Machines, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-18 04:21:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 36
Words: 53,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/875568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robinasnyder/pseuds/robinasnyder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam hates Watch Boxes, machines that have debtors placed inside and deal with people paying for their humiliation until their debt is paid off. Sam's hated them since Dean was placed inside one. So when he gets a chance to help another man in a Watch Box, he decides he's get him out, no matter what.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Man in the Vending Machine](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/161609) by The Patron Saint of Anonymous Smut. 



> Please go read the work this is based on first, so you can get an idea of exactly what's going on. This story deals with the repercussions of such a box existing, but not being explicit about the box itself. (Edit: Link works again!)

Sam has been working at the casino for exactly four months. It pays insanely well and is upscale enough that Dean doesn't have to worry his head off about Sam, but Sam's also not likely to deal with anyone he knows from school (rich bastards that they are). Sam's more than happy to just deal cards and look for card counters.

But the place has to close up sometime, and with the old night shift guy being fired and Sam being literally the only person who doesn't have kids to see off, or morning classes, or another job, it falls on his shoulders. Well, it's not like the others aren't on until everyone leaves, but they get the hell out of dodge as fast as possible. Not that Sam blames them. A casino that lacks people is like a carnival that lacks people: creepy as fuck and probably full of killer clowns. Although a casino is more likely to have a killer stage magician than a clown… Sam hopes anyway.

It's not like Sam's really alone, though.

Sam knows and hates Watch Boxes. Dean's months in the box made Sam more than wary of racking up any debt at all. Dean still has nightmares, horrible gut wrenching nightmares that Sam can't even stand to acknowledge anymore. He just buries his head under a pillow and pretends like he can't hear Dean begging for help.

This one's a little different though. The boxes is older than the one Dean was in, at least the structure itself is older. Apparently the instruments get replaced fairly regularly. But the structure is old. One of Sam's coworkers who was an old hand of the casino told Sam that the Watch Box in their casino was one of the first ever allowed on US soil. And its occupant has always been the same.

No one knows his name, because the point is that once your debt is paid you're supposed to just go back to your normal life. The numbers reach zero, door opens, you're let out. The casino has the man's personal affects in the back for when that day comes. Except that day never comes.

Sam saw it for himself once. The number got down to zero and then suddenly racked up to 1000000. The man didn't even blink, he just fixed his eyes on the next man who was putting in coins. This had apparently been going on for over ten years.

Everyone told him to just ignore the man in the box, let him rest, he had hard working hours. Let him sleep when he can. The casino's not closed that long. Patrons feed coins in every hour. Let the man rest.

And Sam would take their advice, except that one of the few times he got anything out of Dean about his experience at all was Dean whispering in tears how terrible it was to feel less than human, like not one person outside could see him as a person.

That was why Sam went and got the note pad and think tipped marker. He had considered his words carefully before writing them down. He walked to the machine and raised his hand to rap on the glass before thinking better. He instead grabbed a stool from one of the slot machines and dragged it over. He sat down and then rapped on the glass.

The man had his head rested against his arm in was Sam assumed was the most comfortable position, but he was still naked, sitting in a plastic chair, with his hands raised above his head. The machine provided everything the man would need to stay alive, in theory. It provided nutrition and waste elimination and water, though the man probably hadn't even tasted water in ten years since everything was pumped in through the IVs that attached to his wrists. His body would be moved in all sorts of painful ways, but that meant that his range of motion wouldn't be gone by the time he got out. They also kept him on all sorts of drugs to keep him healthy. That didn't mean that the man didn't look run down and dead behind the eyes.

When Sam knocked on the glass the man opened his eyes. Sam quickly put the pad up so the man could see. The man's eyes found his face instantly. His look was annoyed, or as annoyed as the man could get. Dean said that he'd survived because he had no other choice, but he'd started to become dead before it was all over. This man had probably died ten years ago, and left his corpse on display.

Dead blue eyes aside, the man was attractive. Sam had seen old pictures and knew the man had aged well. The box knew its occupant enough to know how to shave his face to leave enough beard and how much body hair to leave and how to cut his hair to make him look the most attractive. The men in the box had to be attractive or no one would care enough to pay as much debt as they had. Sam knew the occupant had aged well.

Sam would guess the man was in his 40s, but his blonde hair showed no signs of greying. He wasn't the more obvious beauties that normally made it into the box. He was flawed physically, like the mole on his cheek that Sam decided gave the man's face character. But the man also had those dead blue eyes which made people so uncomfortable. He was a caged lion, people liked knowing they'd trapped something dangerous that couldn't hurt them. Too bad one day the box would open and then the predator would be out.

"Hello," the man read. Sam heard his voice before, begging for help. The man seemed to try for silence as much as he could, but every human had their limits. "How are you doing?" The man finished reading and met Sam's eyes. "Stupid question."

Sam flipped the page. _I know, but it seemed polite to ask._

Sam watched the man's eyes flick over the words before meeting Sam's gaze again. "Is this a joke?"

Sam had to flip the page and write this time. He hunched over and quickly tried to jot down something legible. _No joke. I promise. I just thought someone being nice would suck less than normal._

"Yes, it does," the man said once he read Sam's note. "Though I think you should know I have nothing to give. If you're trying to assuage guilt or something I'm not going to make it better."

_Not asking you to. I'm curious about you._

"About what happens to me?"

_What's your name?_

That was the one that caused the problem. The man frowned, his lips pulling into an almost pout. It seemed like he was thinking, trying to remember even. Sam wondered when was the last time someone had even called him by his name.

"Lucifer," the man said. "That's my name, Lucifer."

Sam's hand flew over his page. _Lucifer. I like it. It fits you._

Lucifer laughed bitterly. "Being locked in Hell?"

_Who will kill the world when he gets out?_ Sam suggested with a cold smile of his own.

"Who are you?" Lucifer asked.

_Sam, Sam Winchester._

"Alright then, Sam. Let me ask you this. What are you doing talking to me?"

_My brother was in one before._

"Pity then, a wish to assuage your own guilt over your brother. I wouldn't have helped you with your guilt in the first place, but I actually can't help you with that."

_I deal with my own guilt as I can. I don't expect you to. But Dean said that being treated as not human was the worst. So I thought I'd talk to you._

"Dean being your brother, I assume. Let me explain something to you, Sam: this isn't something that you can make better by writing letters. No, don't go writing some dumb message like, "I didn't expect it to". I don't need an explanation. I do need sleep. I know you have closing duty. Just get back to it."

Sam hesitated. This really wasn't how he'd pictured this going. But then Sam knew that nothing in real life ever happened like how a person pictured. He carefully wrote a new note.

_May I talk to you tomorrow at closing time?_

"If you feel like it," Lucifer said. He sounded bored.

_I don't want to bother you._

"Hardly bothering, Eeyore. This is probably the least predictable, predictable thing to happen in months."

_Do people often talk to you?_

"They pity me, Sam. But I really must sleep. If you desperately need to hear the tale, then I'll be here tomorrow or the day after that," Lucifer said. His lips curled up into a sardonic smile.

Sam nodded and wrote one last note. _Alright then. Good night, Lucifer. Try to sleep well. I'll talk to you tomorrow._

"I don't doubt you will," Lucifer said. "And Sam, be a dear and leave a light on for me."

"Can't," Sam said. He knew Lucifer couldn't hear him. The box was made so the occupant couldn't hear the outside world, but could be heard. He could see and be seen. Sam expected that after so many years that Lucifer would know some lip reading. So he wasn't surprised when Lucifer shrugged.

"Go, Sam. Sleep well."

"You too," Sam said and waved. He took the stool back to its proper place and went to finish closing up.


	2. Chapter 2

_So, do people generally try to talk to you often?_ Is Sam's first question after saying hello to Lucifer and asking him how he felt.

Lucifer shifted a bit in his seat before leaning back against the glass behind him. The clear plastic stool was back a bit further than normal. Sam knew that someone would come in the morning to fix it back to its place, but he didn't doubt that he himself would take advantage of the extra surface to rest against.

"People talk to me," Lucifer said. "Not cards, note books. One woman held up a book and let me read it while she waited."

_So, you did get people being kind to you sometimes._

"I'd hardly call it kind when they stop with the book half way through."

_What was the book?_

"Oh no. I'm not getting my hopes up to finish a story and never get to find out the end," Lucifer said.

Sam frowned. _Okay, but the offer is open for whenever. And if you tell me what the title is, maybe I can keep it on hand._

"You'll probably read it."

_Of course I will_

"Then no. No way you get to know the end and I don't."

Sam let himself pout. _You're vindictive._

Lucifer chuckled. "Yes, I am. One of the few things I get to keep."

Sam sighed heavily and started writing. _How often do you get people to talk to you?_

"The night guys try sometimes. They're the most common. They don't have the lights and atmosphere to keep them company. They feel bad and want me to forgive them for them now helping."

_Not that there's anything any of us can do. Not without getting dragged into one ourselves. And your debt doubled… Dean told me. He also told me he'd kill me if I ever tried to do that for him. He assured me his first act would be to grab up broken glass and cut my throat. I figure he'll buy a gun to shoot me if I broke you out._

"It's bullet proof," Lucifer said. "The glass. It's made of tougher stuff than a crowbar could get through."

_Yours is old._

"They made mine out of the stuff they make tanks out of. Trust me. You're not getting in."

_Have people tried?_

Lucifer hesitated. "Yessss," he said, drawing out the 's' sound like a hiss.

_Would you like for me not to ask._

"Yes," Lucifer snapped.

Sam nodded and raised one finger, asking for a minute to think of a new topic. Sam tapped his marked against his cheek as he thought, not thinking about it until Lucifer started chuckling, then Sam realized he'd been tapping the pen against his cheek. He smiled and drew a moustache on his face. Lucifer burst into laughter and Sam smiled.

From the look on Lucifer's face he was surprised at the sound, but he fell into giggles whenever he looked at Sam's face. Sam started to laugh, unable to help himself. He leaned his forehead against the glass and laughed. He could sort of see his own reflection and he knew how stupid he looked. Getting it off was going to be a bitch. But it seemed like it was worth it.

Lucifer took a while to stop laughing. He finally just closed his eyes, giggles stop bubbling up spontaneous, but it wasn't full out laughter. Lucifer drew in deep breaths. He'd been completely unable to breath for a moment. Sam just smiled and waited for Lucifer to calm himself.

"That," Lucifer started, his voice rougher than before. "Was stupid."

Sam tapped on the glass, holding up his note.

"No, I'm not going to open my eyes you little twerp. How old are you anyway? 18?"

Sam knocked harder. When Lucifer opened his eyes he would see that Sam had covered his mouth with the pad. Lucifer smiled, just a little.

"So, you're 27." Lucifer said.

Sam flipped back to his previous note. _Of course it's stupid. That was the point._

"You're possibly an idiot," Lucifer said, but he didn't look quite so dead. Sam lowered the note pad and Lucifer broke into a grin. He shook his head.

_Possibly, but I'm going to be a college professor._

"Teaching what, exactly?"

_Law._

"Then why not be a lawyer?"

_I want my doctorate._

"Doesn't answer my question."

Sam sighed heavily. He hesitated to tell Lucifer. It just hurt really.

"You don't have to tell me."

Sam shook his head and started to write.

_My mom died when I was little, an arson. My dad didn't take it well. I mean, they eventually caught the guy and everything. But my dad was racked up a lot of debt trying to find the guy. He'd done things. Things I won't tell you about because I don't want to think about them anymore. He took me and Dean with him. When dad died, Dean inherited Dad's debt. So that happened. I passed the Bar, but there's no one who will hire me because between the debt and the other stuff there's just no way._

Sam watched Lucifer read. Lucifer read quickly, and Sam was certain that Lucifer should have finished a lot faster than he did. Then Sam realized that Lucifer was reading and rereading the note. Sam wanted to hide. He felt such shame for everything that happened. But he stayed where he was, and whenever he tried to turn away he forced his head back. Lucifer watched him closely.

"I'm sorry Sam. I truly am."

_You don't need to be. You didn't do anything._

"Neither did you, but that doesn't mean things don't happen that you can't help. I know."

_Thank you_

"You don't need to thank me."

_Just let me. I have to._

"Okay," Lucifer said with so much understanding in his voice. Sam tried for a smile, but it failed. "You should get finished Sam, get home and go to bed."

_I'm okay._

"Bed, Sam. Go home."

_Fine. Can I talk to you tomorrow?_

Lucifer took a little longer to answer this one. "Yes, it's fine."

Sam went and finished cleaning up. But he knocked on the side of Lucifer's box before he left and waved goodbye. Lucifer nodded and settled back in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I will be able to update daily for a while. I've got about six times this written already, a plot idea and a general direction for this, which is a lot more than I normally have, so now all I need is an ending and to finish writing.


	3. Chapter 3

"How about I ask the question first," Lucifer said.

Sam paused in writing his usual greeting and nodded. They'd been doing this for two weeks. Sometimes the conversation only lasted five minutes. That normally came after a really long conversation. Sam didn't push. He enjoyed talking to Lucifer. But Sam could get away from the conversation and Lucifer really couldn't. Lucifer had just ignored him one night, but Sam had sat there for over an hour when Lucifer finally realized he wouldn't leave and just told him to fuck off. Lucifer apologized the next night.

"What's your favorite food?"

_Burgers, the ones Dean makes. But don't tell him that. He'll never let me hear the end of it, since I'm trying to eat healthy and make him eat healthy too._

"Describe it to me."

Sam paused, licking his lips. This seemed like a really bad idea. He started to write, going slow because he wasn't certain what was appropriate to say. He didn't mind so much if Lucifer got mad at him. But he didn't want to hurt Lucifer. Lucifer's voice had given out earlier in the evening because of how much he'd been screaming. Lucifer had been in that box for ten years and as far as Sam could tell it never got easier. But it was unlikely that Lucifer had eaten anything at all in that time.

_Delicious. Dean had this girlfriend for a while, Lisa. She had a son, and Dean was helping to raise him before Dad died. Dean learned to cook then. They're very juicy and savory. I think he adds a bunch of spices and stuff. I don't know. I just know it's good, and he'll go out and buy fresh veggies for the burger. He's starting to learn to make his own ketchup, though I think that's just for something to do. I'm starting to think he'd bake the buns himself if he thought that would make it better._

Sam ripped off the page and held it up so he could write another. He had to balance the notebook on his knees and his writing became messier, though Sam tried to keep it neat.

_When you get out I'll take you home and have Dean make you one. I promise._

He held up the note before he realized that was a bad idea. He watched Lucifer's eyes flick across the line. Lucifer blinked and looked again. Then he just looked surprised for a moment. Then he looked Sam in the eyes with that dead, blank look.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, Sam. But I'm never going to leave this box."

"Why?" Sam snapped. He hated it. He'd been watching Lucifer's debt tick down every day. He was imagining the day it hit zero and Lucifer got out. He wanted to talk to him and get him food and water and clothes and tuck him into bed or something equally fluffy that Sam didn't actually plan to ever admit out loud.

"I'm collateral," Lucifer said.

"What does that mean?" Sam demanded. Lucifer shrugged and Sam wrote it down.

"No, I understood you," Lucifer said.

Sam quickly wrote out another note. _What does that mean, Lucifer._

"I don't have to tell you, Sam."

"Fine," Sam snapped. He threw down his pad and pen and went to clean up. He grabbed his things and put his chair back before he left, but he didn't look at Lucifer at all.

* * *

Sam knocked on the glass, putting his sticky note up. People were around. Lucifer was already panting and sweating, but no one was actually near the box. Sam had to wait until the evening for a real conversation. But he couldn't wait that long for this.

_I'm sorry I was an ass._

Lucifer looked up when he knocked, panting and looking wildly around with his predator gaze set in place. He stopped on Sam and then on the note. His eyes flicked over it and Lucifer smirked. Sam ripped the note off and walked away.

* * *

"Don't do that again," Lucifer said when Sam came to see him that evening.

_I'm sorry._

"I know you're sorry. But don't talk to me during work hours. Today was… difficult."

_I'm really Sorry, Lucifer._

"I know you're sorry!" Lucifer snapped. "Stop apologizing."

Sam sat still and silent for a long moment. Then he wrote. _Would you like for me to leave you alone this evening?_

"Yes, that's exactly what I want you to do," Lucifer snapped.

Sam nodded and went back to getting things cleaned up. He took longer than he normally would, hoping Lucifer would call him back. But while Lucifer didn't fall asleep and seemed to watch him as he came by, Lucifer never called him over. Sam did write a goodbye note, but Lucifer just glared at him.


	4. Chapter 4

"Why do you keep coming back?" Lucifer asked the next night once Sam had settled into his normal chair.

_Because I like you._

Lucifer snorted.

_I do. Even when you're a complete dick. I'd rather talk to you than just about anyone else in the world, except for maybe Dean. I hate it when I make you mad because I know it means I've hurt you. And you can be pissed at me for apologizing again. But I am sorry. I keep hoping that everything will be over when your counter reaches zero. But I know you don't believe the door will open, so I just got mad because it's not fair. It pisses me off. The whole thing does. And I hate it that there's nothing I can do. And I hate it that it seems like it will keep happening. And one day I'll have to leave and I won't see you anymore. And I can't stand it._

"You wrote me a novel," Lucifer said before he even started to read.

Sam watched Lucifer read. He expected for Lucifer to get annoyed. Instead he just got sort of sad. He looked at Sam when he finished rereading for about a third time (Sam had figured out where Lucifer's eyes went when he began to reread).

"You've got a good heart, Sam." Sam frowned at Lucifer. "It's good that you care so much about people. But you can't save me."

_Don't tell me no one can._

"I'm not going to say that," Lucifer said gently. "But I just don't see my ever getting out, at least not for another ten years of more."

_Why, why is it so much time?_

Sam nearly stabbed a hole in the paper as he wrote. Lucifer just looked at the paper for a long time. Sam took the paper down and wrote under it.

_I'm not going to try and force you to tell me anything you don't want to. I mean, I couldn't make you anyway._

"We both know that isn't true," Lucifer said. "I've found there isn't much I wouldn't give up."

Sam pounded his fist on the glass. He wanted to break it. He hated it so much. It had been terrible the time the management called to tell him that Dean's number was almost up. Sam hadn't been able to help but watch Dean's last few times and how broken he'd been. Sam saw Lucifer about every day going through the same thing. And yes, Lucifer wasn't his brother, but he'd gotten to know the man and Sam wanted to think of Lucifer as a friend. He didn't want him to get hurt like that.

"My brother offered me up as collateral for his debts. He owns a rather large business, and whenever anything needs to be fixed he offers me up. I guess that he doesn't bother paying his debts, though, since they will eventually get paid."

Lucifer's voice was very bitter. But Sam didn't even know what to do. He ended up resting his hand on the glass and just looking at Lucifer. Sam knew he was switching between sadness and anger. He couldn't imagine that happening with him or Dean. Sam had nearly died during the time Dean was in the box. Only Dean having made him promise to keep his grades up kept Sam from completely falling apart. And Sam knew that Dean would never do that to him.

"You're very angry," Lucifer observed.

"Of course I am. That bastard locked you up here for ten years so he could make money. Fuck him!" Sam shouted. He got up and started to pace back and forth in front of the glass.

"You know I can't hear you Sam," Lucifer said.

"I know," Sam said. He knew Lucifer couldn't hear him. He walked back to the box and leaned his forehead against the glass. "I hate it. I hate this. I hate him."

"I do too," Lucifer said quietly.

Sam picked up his pad and started to write. He wanted to write furiously. Instead it felt like almost too much energy to write anything at all. He sighed heavily and finally found what he needed to say.

_I'm not going to leave you here alone anymore. I'll find out something. I won't leave you here alone anymore._

Lucifer had the oddest expression on his face. Finally he nodded. "Strangely enough, I actually believe you."

Sam smiled, though it felt thin and bitter. Sam knew trust was hard to come by with Lucifer. He wrote a quick note.

_Do you want me to stay here tonight?_

Lucifer chuckled. "You have to go home and sleep Sam. I'm fine."

_You're not._

"Ok, but I'm as good as it gets here." Lucifer nodded a bit. "I do have a request, though."

"What?" Sam asked.

"Will you bring in a book tomorrow? Something you like?" Lucifer asked with a very weak and hopeful smile.

"Of course," Sam said, nodding.

"Good night, Sam."

Sam nodded. He finished cleaning and closing up. He knocked on the glass and waved goodnight before he left. The little smile Lucifer gave him when he did that gave Sam a light feeling to focus on as he walked home.


	5. Chapter 5

_I have an idea_

"Well, that's brilliant, Sam. Nice to see you're using that funny little brain of yours."

"Shut up," Sam said. Lucifer smirked. Sam felt himself smile a bit when he saw the look on Lucifer's face. It occurred to him how easy this had become, their relationship. Maybe it had to do with Sam actually getting Lucifer through a whole book. Or maybe it was just that they'd been talking for nearing two months and Lucifer was finally seeing that he could trust Sam.

_I went looking into the laws, you see, about the Watch Box and debt. I think I have a solution._

"Sam," Lucifer said, his voice chastising, but Sam shook his head. He flipped to the next page, which he'd written out before he arrived.

_As far as I can tell, you can use a person as collateral, but only so far as there's not a pre-existing, stronger bond. For instance, a mother has a stronger claim over a brother for his sister's life. In that case, if the brother wants to use his sister, he first must get his mother's permission. As far as I can tell, marriage is the highest bond._

"Sam," Lucifer said more urgently when he got to the end of the note. Sam shook his head and flipped to the next note.

_I looked it up, in the case of a pending marriage, there is a six month hold period. There's precedence, Lucifer. If I can get a judge to sign off on the hold, then you can get out. If we're married quickly then your brother can no longer use you as collateral._

Lucifer read the note and then read it again and again. "Are you asking me to marry you?" Lucifer looked up, and when Sam caught Lucifer's eye he began to nod emphatically.

 _Yes!_ Sam wrote in huge letters.

"Sam, don't give me false hope," Lucifer said quietly. He had to look at Sam in order to see Sam's response. As such, Sam could see every shift of emotion in Lucifer's face. He was scared, he was hurt, he was trying to hide it, but not doing a good job because most of all Sam could see that Lucifer was stunned. Sam wished he could break into the box and hold him and tell him it would be okay. Sam had trouble looking away so he could write.

_Lucifer, we're friends. Why wouldn't I do this for you?_

"We're friends?" Lucifer asked, disbelief in his voice.

Sam flushed. He had to write with jittery hands, and just hope that his hand writing was still legible.

_I assumed. I mean, I hoped that we were. Do you not want me to call you that?_

Sam wanted to scream for how long Lucifer spent reading his words. What if Lucifer didn't think of him the same was Sam thought of him? Because honestly, Sam thought of Lucifer a lot. It didn't help that Lucifer was very attractive. Sam did his best to look only at Lucifer's chest or face. He got leered at enough. But Sam really liked Lucifer. But was it possible that Sam was just forcing his presence on Lucifer and that Lucifer just put up with him because he couldn't get away? Or that Sam was just better than no one?

Sam lowered the pad and flipped his page. His hands shook even more this time. Sam knew his handwriting was a mess, but he'd just have to hope for legible. He wrote quickly too, his hand smearing in the ink.

_I'm sorry if I was being presumptuous. I really like talking to you. It's the best part of my day. I'd rather be talking to you than just about anyone else. I must have been projecting, or assumed that you thought of me the same. I don't know if you don't want me talking to you or not. I just assumed. I stopped asking and it's not fair to you. I'm sorry._

Lucifer sighed heavily when he finished reading. "Sam, why would you think I don't like you? No, don't answer that. Just listen. I was surprised that you'd think of me that way. I can't remember the last time anyone has wanted to call me their friend, even before Michael put me here. I like it when you visit me. Not that it's much to compare it to, but this is the best part of the day for me as well. I can't imagine why you would do this for me."

Sam flipped to a page he'd written earlier.

_I was thinking that if you agreed to marry me it wouldn't have to be forever if you didn't want. If you found someone else, there's always a divorce. Michael would still have to wait six months and if you got the marriage license within a few weeks of our divorce then you'd still be safe._

"What about you?" Lucifer asked. "Will you divorce me for someone else?"

Sam shook his head and jotted down a note.

_I'm not going to get married otherwise. Let's be honest. If you had another choice you wouldn't be picking me. I'm practically untouchable, remember?_

"You speak so badly about yourself."

_It's just the way things are. Look, you know that I wouldn't give you false hope. But I need to know, will you want to do this? Cause if not I need to try and find another way._

An odd smile twisted on Lucifer's lips. "You're really going to help me, aren't you?" Sam nodded vigorously. "Alright, then I will marry you."

Sam let out a happy shout. He heard Lucifer laugh and blushed. It seemed like jumping up and doing a fist pump looked pretty silly without sound. Sam rubbed the back of his neck and sat back down. But Lucifer was smiling and he didn't look so dead behind the eyes anymore. He just looked lighter.

"One good thing, Sam. Is that I'll finally be able to hear you," Lucifer said. Sam nodded and wrote a quick note.

_First thing I'm going to do once we get you out and in pants is hug you._

Lucifer smiled at that. "Yes, I think I'd be okay with that." He glanced around, looking for thee giant clock the casino kept on the wall near the ceiling where everyone could see it. "It's getting late. You need to go home and I need to sleep. Busy day tomorrow."

_Goodnight Lucifer. I'll see you tomorrow._

"You too, Sam." Lucifer was still smiling.

* * *

Sam wanted to break things. He was damn happy he'd been studying law and was stubborn as any Winchester. Otherwise he doubted he'd be able to navigate the system at all. Everything was closed doors, not-our-departments, go-back-to-the-other-place, and just general bastards blocking his way. It didn't help that his status was about as low as it got before he hit prisoner level. But at least prisoners could go back to their daily lives once they got out. Sam was criminal-non-proven, which meant that everyone knew what he did, but they couldn't prove it. It had been a real bitch when the law allowed that as a classification.

"Bad day?" Lucifer asked. Sam shook his head. It felt wrong to unload on Lucifer. "Sam, you know you can tell me." Sam sighed and started to write.

_I'm just frustrated. Really frustrated. I haven't given up yet, but I'm having a hard time getting through to a judge. I'm having to put everything together myself and getting the necessary forms is hard. The last time this happen, the paramour outside the box was wealthy enough to bribe half the city to get what she wanted._

"Paramour? Sam, have you gotten into the romance novels again?" Lucifer teased. Sam scowled. Lucifer chuckled. "I knew this would be hard. Have you made any progress."

_I've gotten a lot done, but I keep hearing about new forms I may or may not need and I need evidence that this will really happen. Once I get the forms I'll probably ended up quizzing you nonstop on information about yourself so I can do this. So far, this is just the system. If you brother is as powerful as you tell me, it's going to be a whole other issue when he finds out._

"I know Sam," Lucifer said. "You don't have to do this, you know."

_No, Lucifer. I do have to. I can't leave you here and you don't believe for a second that Michael is going to let you out._

"Sam," Lucifer said gently.

_I can't live with myself if I leave you here alone again._

"You mean you can't live with yourself if you leave someone else alone, like with Dean."

Sam looked at Lucifer, really looked at him. He spent a lot of time looking at Lucifer. If he was honest he did think Lucifer was very attractive. He just didn't want to be one more person looking at him when Lucifer had no say in what they saw. It wasn't like Sam could help but see, but that didn't mean that he didn't try to keep his eyes up.

_In part, that is true. But it's you too. It's bad enough leaving my brother when I didn't really know. It's the worst leaving my friend when I do know._

Sam kept his eyes set on Lucifer's face as Lucifer read. His body was tense all over that day. They'd worked him extra hard that day. It was some girl's bachelorette party and the girls had figured out that Lucifer was cheaper and more pliable than a stripper or a whore. There would be more days like this is Sam didn't stop it.

"It's not your job to save me, Sam."

_It's not your job to pay your brother's debts._

Lucifer smirked just a bit. Unbidden, Sam wondered what it would feel like to kiss him. Once they were married Sam could kiss him, even if it was only once. Lucifer didn't deserve to have Sam think about him like that too, but Sam didn't think he'd let the chance go.

"Touche."

_Do you want to sleep?_

"Yes, but can you stay, just, for a little while."

_I'll stay all night if you want._

"No, the Michael will actually know. And clearly you probably need to go drink the day away."

_I'll still stay._

"Thank you, but no. Just sit there," Lucifer said.

Sam watched Lucifer close his eyes. Sam waited until he was certain that Lucifer was actually asleep. He got up and got his things to go, though he left his coat. It was too cold for that, but it would give him an excuse to come back in the early morning. He thought Lucifer would like to see him.


	6. Chapter 6

Sam had known Lucifer for five months before he actually made any headway into getting a judge who would talk to him. Sam came in whistling that day and his good mood didn't go away in the evening.

"Someone's happy. Did Dean finally ask out his boy crush?" Lucifer asked.

Sam rolled his eyes. That was a mess all its own. It didn't help that Dean remembered the guy from when he was in the box. The guy had seen him, though he hadn't put in any money. He'd just watched until someone came and grabbed him to leave. Dean didn't remember many people, but the guy had just looked horrified and had met Dean's eyes. Sam hadn't met the guy, but from the way Dean talked about him, he was pretty certain the guy remembered and was pretending not to.

_If I have to hear one more time about this guy's car and how screwed up it is, I'm going to just scream._

"That bad?" Lucifer asked. He was smirking. Sam sometimes wished the glass wasn't there so he could punch Lucifer. This was one of those times. Lucifer knew how much trouble Sam was having with Dean over this.

_I got a judge who'll see me. I mean, a real appointment and everything. He told me that I have a pretty good case and he'll probably be able to put in the hold and marry us once you get out, since that's when your citizenship status will be renewed._

"Are you serious?" Lucifer asked, his tone pure disbelief.

Sam nodded.

_Yes, in six months you should be out and then we can get married. You won't ever get back in one of these things. I won't let it happen._

Lucifer just looked pensive for a long moment. "It's not that I don't believe you Sam… it's just that it's hard to accept that I might finally leave this box."

Sam touched the glass and attempted not to look so sad. He really cared about Lucifer. The months passed too quickly and too slowly. He hadn't told Lucifer how he was taking at least an extra year of school so he could keep his night shift hours and wouldn't have to leave Lucifer alone. He didn't tell Lucifer how annoyed Dean was about Sam taking on more school loans to that he could do that. He didn't want Lucifer to know that it might not be perfect. He just wanted to get him out.

_Your numbers rolled over again a month ago, so there should be plenty of time with a six month hold to get you out. I know it's hard to hope, but we're already part way through the Harry Potter series, and I've been here every day but Sunday since I met you. Do you trust me to get this for you?_

"I trust you Sam," Lucifer said. There was no hesitation. Sam felt his heart constrict.

_Then it'll happen, Lucifer. I promise._

* * *

Sam was twitchy. His eyes kept flicking up to the numbers on Lucifer's counter. It was only at 500 credits. Just five more uses and Lucifer got to go home. Sam knew logically that really anything could do it. He could even toss in some credits that evening if they didn't crack that 500. Though honestly it was still early enough that Sam couldn't imagine it happening.

Lucifer had moved away from the silence stage. Sam had watched Lucifer every day for about a year now. Lucifer had spent eleven years in the box and Sam found that intolerable. But today he'd get out and Sam was going to take Lucifer home, put him to bed and get Dean to make Lucifer burgers. He had it all planned out in his head.

But it still hurt to watch. It hurt maybe even more than Dean. Sam still didn't understand fully what was happening to Dean when he watched Dean's number drop to zero. But Sam knew exactly what happened to Lucifer and just how long Lucifer had been there.

Lucifer panted now, making quiet, pleading sounds, occasionally words like "please". Lucifer told him that it never got easier. His nerves lit up with pain and pleasure exactly as it had the very first day. Still, Sam couldn't help but feel pride for Lucifer. Lucifer had spent each day trying to be silent a little longer. Some days he failed early one, but sometimes he could go almost a whole day. He would fail and try to be silent again.

Sam was about ready to jump of his skin by the time he saw the number drop to 200. There was something of a crowd. To be fair, people did crowd around when the number dropped. Of course the scattered once the door opened. Sam wanted to be there, though. He'd catch Lucifer and take him back and get him dressed. He could see it in his mind.

He was practically prowling by the time the last customer put his credits in. He made his choice. Lucifer looked up at the numbers glowing inside the box and licked his lips. Sam wondered how hard this was for him. This was the last time, but he still had to endure the last time. Lucifer grit his teeth, clearly straining for silence.

Sam felt a swelling happiness as the counter ticked down to zero. He wanted to punch the air. Instead he focused on getting to Lucifer. It occurred to Sam that he didn't even know what side opened. Lucifer let out a sigh of relief. His eyes were fixed on the neat row of zeroes. Then he went very stiff. Sam frowned. Why wasn't the door opening?

Sam looked up at the neat little row of red zeros. Except that they were no longer zeros. It said 2,0000,00.

A very loud, horrible, animal sound erupted nearby. Sam jumped out of his stupor, realizing it was Lucifer who was screaming like that. The machine started up again. Someone else had put money in the machine. Sam couldn't but stare as the machine forced Lucifer to his knees again, beginning to shove hard plastic into him. Sam felt like he couldn't even breath as he watched. Lucifer wouldn't stop making that horrible guttural yell.

The number changed to 1,999,900.

Sam ran back to the staff break room, grabbing for the phone to call the judge.

* * *

Sam knocked on the glass. Lucifer didn't move. His head was resting against his arm. Sam knocked again. Lucifer opened his eyes.

Sam had a long note written out, explaining the judge telling him that while they had reached the deadline in time, someone had already taken out the debt and it couldn't be undone, but that he judge had placed a hold on any debt placed on Lucifer's head until after his release. Sam had a long explanation and written out apologies and frustration.

Lucifer looked at him, glanced at the note and closed his eyes.

"Please, please look," Sam whispered and knocked again. Lucifer didn't open his eyes at all. Sam knocked harder. Lucifer didn't even twitch. Sam pounded on the glass.

"Fuck off," Lucifer whispered. He shifted as he could, hiding his head further in his arm.

Sam slammed his fist into the glass one more time, but this was more about frustration. He sighed and took his pad and just left.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam got chewed out for not closing up and just leaving. Sam felt too dead to even listen. He apologized as he could. He at least said he was sorry. He normally kept the place immaculate, so as far as he could tell, the manager was really more confused than angry. But Sam wasn't explaining anything.

It was supposed to all be secret. Lucifer had made Sam promise that he wouldn't tell people. Dean knew, and so Bobby knew, but no one else. They needed Michael not to know. Sam almost didn't care if someone found out.

He'd had nightmares. Lucifer's screaming haunted him. What haunted him worse was the wheezing that came when Lucifer screamed his voice out. Of course the machine would fix him up good as new before the next day, but that didn't mean much really. Lucifer had 20,000 more individual pieces of torture to suffer before he get could out.

Not that Lucifer knew. Lucifer didn't even look at Sam. He did try to go back. He went every night for a week, staying as long as he felt like he could, but Lucifer wouldn't even open his eyes after the first night. Sam just couldn't make Lucifer suffer his presence.

Sam knew he was moving through his days in a daze. He couldn't ever remember feeling so low in his life. Okay, so the judge said it would stick this time. But Sam thought it would last time. And Sam knew how much he'd screwed up. Lucifer hadn't hoped for freedom in years. But only a week before he'd been making plans with Sam about what he wanted to do once he got out of the box.

He went again that evening, taking his homework with him. He cleaned up and made sure everything was closed up. He had to pull out the flash light he'd snatched from the janitor's closet so he could get back to the box.

Sam had dumped a bag of his stuff there before he started to close up. Dug out thee lantern he and Dean had bought the last time they'd gone camping, setting it up. Sam paused to tape a message to Lucifer's box.

_Hey, Lucifer. I'm going to stay here. I know you wanted me to leave the lights on. I'm not going to talk to you, but I do want to talk to you. If you want to say something then he can and I'll be happy to talk. I thought you might want to not be alone for a night._

Honestly he didn't even really expect Lucifer to open his eyes. He'd been so steadfast in ignoring Sam, that Sam couldn't imagine Lucifer saying anything. Tomorrow was Sunday, Sam's day off. He could sleep in, which was why he planned to stay up all night.

He settled on the floor and spread out his books and notes. Really, he was behind on his thesis because of this past week. He hadn't been able to make himself do anything. Really he wasn't that much behind because he'd been so careful to keep careful notes. Besides that, he'd decided to take an extra semester because of Lucifer. Honestly, it was looking like he was going to need to take even long. He just couldn't be transferred away and he still had work he had to do.

He glanced over occasionally at Lucifer, but Lucifer appeared to be asleep. Sam's stomach twisted. Lucifer was supposed to be sleeping in Sam's bed. Sam should be sprawled out on the couch and Lucifer should be well fed and tucked in. This shouldn't still be their lives. This never should have been Lucifer's life. Lucifer should have never even known who Sam was. As far as Sam could guess, Lucifer should have been running a company of his own, or working at the one Michael owned. He shouldn't be sleeping upright just because that was his only option.

Sam rubbed a hand over his eyes and shook his head. He still had a lot of work to do. He couldn't get so unfocused. Though honestly, sitting with Lucifer in the near dark was the most focused Sam had felt in two weeks, since Sam had realized how close the counter was to reaching zero.

"Sam. Sam! For the love of God! Sam, you have to wake up!"

Sam jolted awake. He didn't remember falling asleep. But a glance at the clock told Sam that he had maybe five minutes before people came in to open. He turned off the lamp and started to shove his things in his bag, trying to get all the notes and books in.

He turned around to grab the note off the glass and found Lucifer staring him. It was an angry, accusing look. Still, Sam stopped to write a note.

_Morning, Lucifer. Thank you for the wake-up call._

"There will be no reason to thank me if you don't leave right now."

Sam nodded and picked up all his things. He'd just have to return the flash light Monday when he got back to work. If he wanted to keep their friendship a secret he needed to get out of there immediately.

* * *

"You can't take any more time, Sam," Dean snapped.

"Dean," Sam started, rubbing his forehead.

"No, Sam, you can't take any more time because of him. You already have extra months from the last time you put it off."

"I can do fine, Dean," Sam said.

"You think you'll get a job that isn't in California and then you won't be able to visit him every day," Dean snapped.

"He needs me, you need me," Sam said quickly. Dean still had nightmares. Lucifer was still locked up. Sam didn't want to leave either of them.

"He isn't going anywhere. He's survived ten years without you. He'll survive without you," Dean said. "And I'll do fine on my own. I still have Bobby. You don't have to leave here. But you're heading into a place where it's going to be hard to pay down your debt."

"My debt is fine. I do fine with the casino," Sam said. Frankly, if he worked his way up at the casino he'd probably make more money than he ever would teaching. But Sam didn't want to work at the casino one more day after Lucifer got out. He hated the place. People came in to spend their lives away. They were talking about adding a Watch Box for people who spent too much at the casino. It'd probably only take a day or two in order to win about what their owed, but Sam didn't want anyone else to be in a box like Lucifer or Dean.

"You hate it Sam, I'm not blind," Dean said. "Look, you were talking about New York for years. What if you get a job there? Are you gonna turn it down because of him? Or because you feel guilty about me? Which you should not."

"It was my school debt," Sam said.

"Partly, but it was still Dad's debt, not yours. Dad's the one who wracked it all up, not you. He told you not to worry about, then he died… and the law is what it is," Dean said. He looked away. Sam hated it. Dean had always been so confident. Sam pretended not to see that Dean slept on top of the covers fully clothed. He pretended like Dean hadn't started drinking to rival their Dad. Sam didn't know how to help. Dean didn't talk to him about it. Lucifer did talk. Sam knew how to help Lucifer. And Sam couldn't help either of them if he was gone.

"Dean," Sam said, trying to be firm, direct and gentle. "I still have months to go."

"Yes, but you've also got early morning classes. Sam, you've got to give up the night shift or you're never going to get done with your required classes."

"Dean-"

"No! You can quit the night shift, and take the classes you need next semester, cram them all in and get your thesis done, which you're way ahead on, and don't pretend like you aren't. You took an extra two semesters already because of him. He's going to have debt when he gets out, Sam, and if you both have debt one or both of you will end up in the box."

"What debt?" Sam asked.

Dean sighed heavily, rubbing his hands over his face. "I didn't tell you this because Bobby paid for it all. But I owed rent and utilities for the months my old apartment sat without me where my landlord couldn't just sell it. I owed money to him for when he could finally put my stuff in storage and the trouble he went through. I owed money to the storage place. I owed money if I wanted to buy my stuff back, since the government seized some of it, including Baby, since I didn't pay my taxes and there was a complaint against me from the landlord. They also charged a holding fee, since you have a year to pay for your stuff to get it back if you've been in a box, and they can't just throw your stuff away. That isn't to mention owing late fees for my taxes and utility bills and so many other nickel and dime things. If Bobby hadn't just paid for it out or his retirement I never would have gotten out from under it all. Payments take interest and it's all a fucking mess."

By the time Dean finished speaking Sam was quite pale. "I had no idea."

"No, you didn't. Going into one of those things is expensive… and your friend will have twelve times as much time for interest to make it all grow. I don't know how much he's got in his bank account, if the bank even kept the account open and didn't just seize his money, which is a possibility. You can't both have debt, especially if he doesn't also have a job."

"Alright Dean," Sam said, feeling defeated. "You win."

"Good," Dean said. Dean didn't sound particularly happy about it though, which just made it worse. Sam expected that Dean didn't like Lucifer on principle, but in Sam's mind Dean would still not want to leave him alone for the next year just so Sam can have something stable waiting for him… but Dean was right. Sam couldn't just spend time with Lucifer and hope that would make it all okay. Sam would get Lucifer out, but he also promised that Lucifer would never have to go back. The only thing Sam could do for the first part was wait, but he needed to start working on his second promise just as hard as he'd worked on his first.


	8. Chapter 8

Lucifer's eyes scanned the casino. He had a moment to himself. The casino had waves, and in a moment with less people in the establishment, Lucifer had a moment to catch his breath. He used it different ways during the years. Sometimes he closed his eyes and tried to sleep. In eleven years he still hadn't been able to master sleeping sitting up. He was always tired, not just from physical exertion, but from a lack of sleep.

In his youth he'd read that people needed less sleep as they got older. He supposed that was good, since he'd gotten much older than he once was. Not that he kept up with time that well. He watched the wall clock pretty closely some days. But it wasn't as easy keeping up with days. There was no calendar. Sometimes when maintenance came he'd get them to tell him what day it was.

He loved and hated maintenance. They helped keep him in the box, but it was because of them that he heard the outside sounds of the casino, and even got to have people physically talk to him. Of course there was really only recently one person he'd wanted to hear .

Not that he would. Not that it mattered. Lucifer knew the cruelty of humanity. It was what kept him locked up, after all. If the Watch Box wasn't profitable, then he wouldn't still be there. People liked watching his pain. It paid his brother's debts quite well. But he'd never had someone be so cruel on a personal level.

Lucifer could easily remember a few very unkind jokes he'd played on people, men and women he'd hurt because he could. He thought of lives he'd ruined with his business practices. Was this his punishment? He thought eternal wrath came when he died. Sometimes he wondered if maybe he had died and no one told him. It probably wouldn't matter. If he was alive he could hope.

Sam was a demon, that would make sense. Sam made him believe that he would be free. Sam made him make plans. Sam made him think off what type of clothes he'd wear. Sam made him salivate over food he'd try. Sam made him want to be touched and held. Sam had made him hope. Then it all broke.

For a moment Lucifer had considered that it wasn't a joke. Sam had stayed all night with him. Hell, he'd fallen asleep on a cold tile floor in front of Lucifer. Lucifer had been jealous, honestly. He wanted to stretch out and sleep so much. But the little flutters he'd felt in his stomach had hurt worse than the jealousy. He wanted Sam to be telling the truth. He wanted Sam to really get him out. He wanted Sam to be his friend. He wanted it to be real.

And he'd hoped again, just a little bit each night that Sam knocked on the glass after that. Lucifer counted days for Sam. Lucifer kept up with the passage of time for Sam. He'd counted people who visited his box in a day. He counted people's winnings. He'd counted teeth, bad wigs, seconds, animals. Counting gave him something to do in his free moments or something to focus on besides his own pain. But he hadn't counted days, not since the first year.

He'd only been so aware of time when he'd first been locked in the box; when he still believed it was all a joke or a bad dream. After that day where he woke Sam up off the floor Lucifer started to count knocks, and the types of knocks. Would it be three pounds after seventeen knuckle wraps this time? Or four pounds before three knuckle wraps? How many times could Lucifer crack his eyes to see Sam without Sam noticing? How long would Sam stay? How many knocks would he give?

Lucifer missed lip reading Sam. Sam had nice lips. A wedding meant a kiss. It was touching, contact, more than Lucifer had in years. He'd dreamed about it, one of the first times in years that an erotic dream hadn't turned into a nightmare.

But Sam was a demon. One day Sam stopped knocking. It wasn't Sunday, but Sam didn't come. Sam had been so insistent the day before, but he hadn't come the next day. He wasn't there the day afterward. It two three days for Lucifer to realize that Sam had moved to a different shift.

He still saw Sam, which made it worse. He couldn't pretend Sam never existed. Sam still smiled at him or tried to give those stupid encouraging looks Sam always seemed to like to flash his direction. But Sam didn't approach him. Lucifer was alone at night again.

And Lucifer was counting days again. It had been thirty days since the last time Sam had stayed to see him, a bitter anniversary.

Lucifer would become dead again. But coming back to life had hurt so much the first time. He didn't think he'd ever be able to do it again. And dying would hurt so much more this time. He wished he was dead, not just emotionally dead, but dead dead. He hadn't wished that so hard in years. He could really feel his pain again. Sam had woken him up, and yes it had been glorious, but the pain now was hideous.

And it was lonely. The loneliness killed him like it never had before. Sam made Lucifer realize that Lucifer had never had any friends. Sam would talk about random stuff in his life, and his own pains and frustrations just as much as he asked Lucifer to share his own. Lucifer thought he knew Sa, just like he thought he knew Michael.

On a bad day, Lucifer liked to think that Michael had been desperate the first time. He would feel guilt wracked and try to pay it off, but it didn't matter because it had already gone into the collection phase. But the first loan didn't help, and Michael needed to cover the debt, so he took out a second load. And maybe it happened again, but this time Michael just didn't want to put up one of their other brothers. Now it was little box Michael checked, and an occasional pang of guilt. It was wrote.

Lucifer would rather Michael be a moustache-twirling bad guy because then he could just hate him. But if it was like what Lucifer thought it really was, then Michael was exactly who Lucifer had thought: it just turned out that Michael loved Lucifer a little less than their other brothers.

He hadn't realized he'd closed his eyes until he heard the resounding clink of the machine coming back to life. He'd probably dozed off for a little while, he wasn't exactly sure how long. He didn't have much time to think about it, since the machine was about to start and he didn't have that long to prepare himself.


	9. Chapter 9

It shouldn't have hurt so much that Sam left one day and didn't come back. Lucifer shouldn't have been watching so close. Lucifer shouldn't have been counting days since Sam left. He should have been forgetting. Instead he just hated himself when he let thirty days pass before he actually couldn't stand it anymore.

"Hey," Lucifer growled when the current night shift kid walked past. The kid jumped and looked around wildly. "I am aware that I am a prop in the casino, but I promise you that I do still have the ability to speak." He didn't think that's what it was, of course. He thought it was just that the kid didn't see him as a thing that would be speaking.

He saw the kid mouthing something like "what do you want?"

"I need you to get a pad of paper, because I can't hear you, because there's something I want to know." Lucifer met the kid's eyes. The kid spent looking at his penis before blushing and trying to maintain eye contact. "Go," Lucifer ordered.

The kid jumped and went to get one of the pads they used to take down food orders in the restaurant section of the casino. Lucifer whistled, knowing it would scare the kid. The kid probably had been told to leave him alone, that he wouldn't do anything. Lucifer was more than pleased to find out he could still order people around.

The kid scurried back with thee pad of paper and a pen. He nearly shook, looking at Lucifer for instructions. Lucifer might have smirked or cracked a smile months ago when Sam was still there and Lucifer thought he would actually make it out.

"The guy who used to run the night shift, but who doesn't work here anymore, where is he?" The kid started to say something. "Write it down." The kid jumped and started writing feverishly,

_Dan? He broke his leg. He'll be back once the cast comes off, probably._

"No, Sam, where's Sam?" Lucifer snapped.

The kid didn't jump this time. He still looked nervous, but he seemed to realize something, because he straightened his back. Lucifer gave him a cold look and waited for his answer. It still felt agonizing with how long it took the kid to write the answer, even though it wasn't a very long note.

_He finished his degree and got a job offer in another state._

"Thank you," Lucifer said, though the words held more of a bite than real words of thanks might. The kid just stared at him. "Kid, either put in your credits or go mop the floors." The kid turned extremely red and ran off.

Lucifer kept himself loose, pretending to sleep until the lights turned off. Then he opened his eyes and slumped forward as much as hiss bonds would allow. He hadn't allowed himself any weakness while someone could see. He hadn't even let himself think about it. But Sam was really gone this time. Sam finished his degree, he got a job, and apartment, maybe even a girlfriend or boyfriend.

"Gone," Lucifer said, trying to make himself believe it. He hadn't seen Sam in a month. For the months before that he'd almost made himself believe that Sam was a demon. Maybe this was his last torture, because now Sam was gone. When Sam was there at least Lucifer wasn't alone. There was someone who he knew, at least vaguely, on a personal level. He tried to guess who people were all the time, and he figured out the employees fairly well, at least in his mind. But he'd known Sam and Sam had known him.

But Sam wasn't there anymore. He hadn't said goodbye. There was no last night. Maybe Lucifer wouldn't have even looked at Sam this time, but Sam didn't try. He just left. Lucifer drew in a breath through his teeth, trying to calm himself.

It was a losing battle. The tears were going to come anyway. He gave up trying and just sobbed. He didn't cry much for a good reason. The machine whirred into life, pressed something against his face to wash away the tears. He laughed bitterly. It got in the way of his trying to take deep breaths to stop crying. He had to be presentable in the morning, and he didn't want to fight with the machine, the only thing to comfort him in his lowest moments thee past few years.

He took a heavy, shuddering breath. It was over. This was over. The emotions and hurt were still there, but it was over. Sam was gone. Lucifer couldn't say he wouldn't try to open up to someone again, though he knew it would be a good long time before he spoke to another person. He was done. He was finished with people. Even if Michael ever allowed him out, or his age got him to a place where no one wanted to pay for him anymore it wouldn't matter. He was done.

He closed his eyes and shifted into a more comfortable position. The box gave him everything he needed to live: shelter, nutrition, sanitation, and comfort when it became too much. It was fine. It was just fine.


	10. Chapter 10

Lucifer didn't keep track of dates anymore. He didn't let himself count dates, though he couldn't but feel the anguish the first time he realized he didn't know how many days Sam had been gone. His number was winding down again. There was still that little thrum in his belly of hope. But Lucifer knew to stop looking so closely.

It wasn't like last time. His heart wasn't slamming into his chest with excitement. He didn't feel like he wanted to come out of his own skin for how long it was taking to be over. There was no reason to get his pulse up any more than normal. It would flip over again and it would be just another day.

There was a quiet knock on the glass next to his left ear. He was waiting for someone else to put in credit. It wasn't like people didn't tap on the glass like he was an animal. He closed his eyes and hummed, trying to get rid of the headache he was feeling. His heart was still pounding. He hadn't screamed yet that day. He could hold out another session, he thought. Not much more than that, but he'd take his silence where he could. He'd hoped that maybe if he gave a bad show that people wouldn't want to put money in and Michael wouldn't be able to put more debt on his head.

Instead they'd just paid more to watch him break. After that it just became a pride thing. He still had some and he would take it where he could.

The knocking was more insistent but Lucifer didn't open his eyes until the machine started back up. He flicked his gaze up, 100 credits. The number clicked down to zeros and the machine started for its hypothetical last run.

He sneered for as long as he could until he couldn't anymore. God, he was so tired. The unending nature of it drove him crazy. Some days it was too much. He wanted to die and had no power or ability to do so. He'd even dreamed about trying to stop his heart or cause a heart attack, but medicine was too far advanced for him to just be able to waste away to nothing. And when he didn't want to die, he wanted to live so much. He wanted to be beyond the walls of the box.

The machine pulled him up and started to clean him. He was exhausted, but he didn't get a shot of adrenaline. His eyes flicked up to the counter. There were no zeros. It was blank. The lights in the counter had gone out. The machine kept cleaning him.

His hands dropped to his side. He looked down at his wrists where the holes for the IVs were. He hadn't been off the IV for twelve years. It took his a moment to understand what it meant to not have the cuffs on that allowed the box to move him around, and to hide the IVs that kept him alive. He tentatively brushed one finger against the bleeding wounds on his wrist. That he could even touch the skin was impossible.

He looked up at the counter which was still blank. Then there was a rush of sound: the clanging of coins, the too happy noises of the casino's music and the voices of the people slammed into Lucifer's ears. He shut his eyes and grit his teeth. His head was pounding.

"Lucifer."

Lucifer jumped, whipping his head around to face the open door. Sam was there. Sam was there. He was standing there and that was what his voice sounded like? Lucifer took a shuffled step, turning to face the open door. Was he supposed to walk out? Just like that? He was just supposed to walk out to all those people. Lucifer suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe, and didn't want to even if he could.

"Lucifer," Sam said again. Lucifer was certain it was him now. He'd seen Sam's lips move and the sound came out and who else knew to call him that?

Lucifer shuffled toward Sam, barely moving his feet off the ground of the box. He tripped before he got out. Strong arms caught him, holding him tight to Sam's chest. Lucifer gasped. The pressure of tears in the corners of his eyes bothered him. He clenched his eyes shut.

He hadn't actually realized how strange touch felt. He'd been accidentally touched by techs trying to fix things, or intentionally touched my techs of medics when it was called for. But this was the most all-encompassing touch he'd had in years.

"Come on," Sam said softly. He pulled away but only to put his arm around Lucifer's shoulders and guide him back. Lucifer guessed it was the staff break room, given the fact that it was fairly quiet and there was a sofa and a small kitchenette.

"Is this him?" a man asked. He was short a balding, but trim and in a suit.

"Just a minute, judge," Sam said. "Are you okay?" Lucifer nodded when he realized it was directed at him. Sam smiled. He didn't look sure, but he didn't press for answers. "Here, get dressed."

Lucifer looked down at the clothes which sat on the table. There was a stab of familiar so strong. He didn't remember being stripped of them, he'd been unconscious at the time, but he was going to remember putting them back on.

Truth be told, wearing clothes after not wearing clothes for so long felt really bizarre. It felt wrong even. His jeans were heavy and though there was a familiarity to it, it all felt alien. Lucifer didn't say this. He sat down at the table and let Sam tend to his still bleeding wrists. Lucifer was just happy that he'd remembered how to do everything without too much fumbling.

The box had moved him around so he still had his movement. The only movement Lucifer had done was shifting. He hadn't stood on his own free will (although he would shift his weight for stable standing when he could. He didn't like being held up by his wrists) in many years. Suddenly having to make every move instead of having the move pulled from him felt uncomfortable.

"Do you want to get started?" Sam asked him.

"With what?" Lucifer asked.

"The marriage," Sam said. His brows furrowed.

"Where were you?" Lucifer asked. He hated that he sounded weak but he felt exhausted. He'd dreamed of the outside world. But the outside world had never seemed so frightening. His choices had been his words, his small movements, how much he could count, how long he could resist. Now he had to walk and wear clothes and cook and eat and pay bills?

Sam held his hands. Lucifer wanted more touch. He placed Sam's hands on his waist instead so he could rest his arms over Sam's arms. Sam smiled a little bit at the change in touch. Lucifer gripped tightly into Sam's flesh. Sam smelled strange, so different from what Lucifer was used to.

"I promise to tell you Lucifer. I promise I'll tell you everything. I swear I will, but the judge doesn't have that much time, and these are long conversations and explanations I owe you. Can I put you off until tomorrow?"

"Why tomorrow?"

"The marriage, then I take you back to Dean's for burgers, and then bed, I think. I have to be back in Kansas tomorrow, so we'll have a long flight to talk to things over, okay?"

"Fine, let's do this." It was a lot for him to take in. Getting married was something he could focus on.

"Alright," Sam said. "Let me go get the witness, hold on," he said and left.

"You're Lucifer Shurley?" the judge asked.

"Yeah," Lucifer said.

"Just checking. He's been quite insistent about getting you out. I've rarely met anyone so stubborn."

"Not really pleasant, is it?" Lucifer asked. He stood and leaned against the table. It felt strange but good and familiar.

"Back," Sam said. The manager was standing behind Sam. "So, let's get married."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I think I'm going to take a short break (maybe only one day) so I can get a little more written. I probably won't post anything over the weekend, either. I'm going to stay with my boyfriend, and the fact that I had over half of what's posted written before I started this project made it easy to keep going. I already have pretty long section ready, but I'm still going to ask you to wait a little bit before I post it, because I need to write a bit more of the second part of the story. Thank you so far for all the support. 
> 
> And while you wait, I posted a finished 50k Victorian 1890s American Samifer fanfiction called "The Knight". I worked an insane amount on that one, even more than I work on this one, and I think it's generally better. So if you need something to do while you wait, check that one out. If you need other Samifer fics that are very good check out FortinabrasFTWs "How to Fall" and Fuckyeahlucifersupernatural's "Dog Days", both of which are completed and fantastic. Thank you so much for your continued comments, kudos, views and support. I love all of you for it. 
> 
> If you really want to contact me, I have a tumblr with the same name, so you can find me at robinasnyder.tumblr.com. Please contact me, I love talking to people.


	11. Chapter 11

"You came back," Lucifer said once they were in Sam's rental car.

"I know I really screwed up by not saying goodbye. I just couldn't. I tried, I really did. But I couldn't take a chance of messing something up to come back and say goodbye," Sam said hurriedly.

"Where were you?" Lucifer asked. He watched the world pass by his window. It looked nothing like he remembered. "Expansion's a bitch."

"Not if you get to live above the clouds, apparently," Sam said.

"Yeah, I don't like heights that much, give me a beach or a boat with some fish."

"Really?" Sam asked.

"Believe it or not, I was once a great conservatist," Lucifer said. "I like my air breathable, after all."

"Ehh, it's not so bad in Kansas. Bread basket states are still pretty the same, it's the cities you have to look out for," Sam said.

"What's in Kansas?" Lucifer asked.

"My job," Sam said. "I promise, I'll explain tomorrow when you can yell at me and hit me, but can we put the big blow up off for just a few hours?"

"Fine," Lucifer said. "How did you get me out?"

"Like I said," Sam said. "A six month hold."

Lucifer snorted. "Like that worked the last time."

"Would have if Michael hadn't added more debt seven months before your numbers rolled over," Sam said.

"Oh." Lucifer hadn't considered that, but it made sense. "How did it work this time."

"The judge was sympathetic and ordered a review to be placed an all debt transactions on your head until the six month review. When that actually went through the debt would have needed to found a new home, hopefully on Michael," Sam explained. He got bitter at the end.

"Yeah, right," Lucifer said, feeling his stomach drop. He wasn't going to think about who else might end up in a box. None of them had even come to find him. What did it matter?

"Yeah, so we'll stay with Dean tonight and tomorrow we'll go and get on the plane back to Kansas," Sam said. "I promised you one of Dean's burger's after all."

"Right," Lucifer said. He felt tired and wrong. His stomach roiled from the unfamiliarity of it all. He'd never thought he'd miss the box, but he did. He'd never wished so much to be back inside, at night, talking to Sam… no, before Sam. That would have been a lot better than where he was at the moment.

"Lucifer?"

Lucifer jerked his head up, whipping around look at Sam. His neck twinged in protest. Sam kept glancing over at him in worry. "I like your voice, Sam," Lucifer said, trying to get the worry off Sam's face. He didn't want Sam to ask if he was okay. He wasn't certain if he could deal with any more sympathy.

"Really?" Sam asked, smiling a little.

"By the way, the "you may now kiss the bride" part?" Lucifer asked. He had to school his features when Sam started to blush. The kiss wasn't the quick peck Lucifer had expected from Sam. Lucifer had wanted to kiss Sam before everything went to hell, but he'd been too stunned to follow through with his original plans. Clearly Sam hadn't.

"Yeah?" Sam asked. He kept his eyes only on the road.

"I think we should try again when not under the influence of a judge, don't you?" Lucifer couldn't stop himself from smirking at Sam's nearly panicked face.

"Are you sure?" Sam asked, facing Lucifer now.

"Sam, I know I've been away for a while, but I think you probably still need to keep your eyes on the road."

"Oh, yeah, sorry," Sam murmured. He fixed his eyes back on the road, barely blinking.

"For the record, Sam, I was away from contact for a long time. I'm not going to freeze up if you touch me or kiss me."

"Do you really know that?"

"No," Lucifer admitted. "But I'm pretty certain. I may get overwhelmed, but you have no idea how much I need people to touch me. I'm starved for it, Sam. And we are married now, so you'd be the one I'd ask."

"Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense," Sam said.

Lucifer watched Sam turn off onto a back road in to some less and less stacked houses. It was outside of the city. Lucifer even saw trees that weren't just contained in parks of yards. It seemed like Sam was right, outside of the cities everything was about the same.

Sam pulled the rental car into a small house's driveway. "This is Dean's house," Sam said as he got out. Lucifer got out, slamming his door.

"It's quite small," Lucifer said.

"Ehh, it's about the size of a two room apartment," Sam said. "We used to live in motels, this is just fine."

"How do you know I'm not claustrophobic?" Sam looked at Lucifer with an eyebrow raised. Lucifer just chuckled. "Hey, it could happen. The box was clear, after all."

"You're kind of an ass," Sam said.

"I thought you knew that already," Lucifer teased. It didn't make him feel less nervous. He wasn't used to so many people. He'd been too stunned to really panic at the casino, but now he was meeting his husband's brother and Lucifer was wondering if he was going to be able to breathe.

Sam unlocked the door and went inside, Lucifer following close behind him. It surprised Lucifer, but he instantly liked the small space. It was small, but Dean kept the place neat and there was open floor space. Over all it was generally uncluttered and the inside looked a lot better tended to than the outside.

"Dean?" Sam called.

"Jesus, shut up," Dean, apparently, grumbled as he walked back from what was clearly a bedroom. He was in jeans and tee shirt that he'd obviously been sleeping in. He was an attractive man, especially with those very green eyes. He'd be exactly the type of man perfect for one of those boxes.

"It's not my fault you're still hung over," Sam said.

"You shouldn't be so awake," Dean grumbled, rubbing his eyes. "You Lucifer?"

"Yes," Lucifer said.

"It's not a pleasure, I assure you," Dean said, heading for the kitchen.

"I take it your brother doesn't approve?" Lucifer asked quietly.

"He thinks I'm settling," Sam added. "If you'd like I can take you out to buy clothes."

"Not now," Lucifer said. "I'd rather be swimming in your clothes and go out again." The idea of people made his heart clench.

"It's fine," Sam said. His voice was too sympathetic. Lucifer grit his teeth and silently told himself it was a bad idea to smack the guy who just got you out of debtors prison. He did file it away for something for him to do later, though.

"So, how many am I making?" Dean asked.

"Enough for three Dean," Sam said in exasperation.

"Yeah, and it's not a big deal for you to take a day off?" Dean asked.

"Dean. The school was fine with it," Sam said.

"So you actually did get hired at a school," Lucifer said.

Sam went a little red. "Yeah, I mean it's Kansas University. I thought I got a real break, but as a criminal-non-proven they can pay me a lot less and deny me the possibility of even applying for tenure. But it's a job and it's probably the best I'm going to get, so it's fine."

"You shouldn't feel so bad for yourself, Sam," Lucifer said. "It doesn't look good on you."

"See, that's what I've been telling him. Sam, you've got better pay than I do and a nice apartment at a reasonable price," Dean said with kitchen.

"I also have school debt," Sam said.

"Yeah, yeah," Dean said. "Not like I'm completely debt free. I mean I owe Bobby an arm and a leg."

"Bobby would just accept it as a gift he gave you, Dean."

"And let him retire broke? No way in hell."

Lucifer decided that he didn't really want to be involved in the conversation, instead opting for the sofa. Having been mostly sitting down for the past twelve years made him think he probably wouldn't want to sit down, but the sofa felt noting like the hard plastic bench he'd been stuck on.

"So are you two going to be really loud tonight? I mean, should I break out my ear plugs?" Dean asked with a smirk.

"I don't know, should I worry about you loudly jacking off to that pretty boy who can't fix his car?"

Dean went very red. "Jesus, Sam, why did you tell him about Cas?"

"Because you wouldn't shut up about him," Sam said. "You still won't. Dean, I don't think anyone is that bad with cars. You think maybe he just wants you to ask him out?"

"Shut up, Sammy," Dean snapped.

Sam flopped down on the sofa next to Lucifer. From the corner of his eye, Lucifer could see that Sam was looking at him like he wasn't certain where to touch him. Lucifer leaned against Sam. Sam stiffened. He very slowly started to relax.

"I'm not going to start having a panic attack," Lucifer said.

"You don't know that," Sam muttered.

"I promise you, I'm fine," Lucifer said. He knew it was a lie. He was anything but fine. But so far this was easy. It was just dinner with his husband's brother. Okay, it was a little strange, but he could imagine a situation where Sam had come to work for his company and they'd started talking. Some dumb run away marriage and Sam would bring him to see Dean. And Sam would fuss over Lucifer in jeans because he's used to seeing him in suits.

"Lucifer," Sam said. He clearly knew Lucifer was lying. There was so much sympathy in Sam's words

"If someone spoke to you with that tone of voice, how fast would you punch them in the face?"

Dean laughed in the kitchen. Sam went really quiet. "Pretty quickly," Sam eventually said.

"Just assume I'll punch you faster. Now stop it," he ordered and snuggled in even more to Sam's side.

"Fine, TV?" Sam asked, getting the remote anyway and turning the TV on.

"I can't believe they're still showing this?" Lucifer said, recognizing the Twilight Zone the second Rod Serling showed up on the screen.

"Yeah, I know, it was old when our dad was a kid," Sam said, settling back against Lucifer.

"Oh, this one," Lucifer said.

"I feel like that's the basic reaction whenever this show comes on," Sam said.

"Well, don't you two look cute," Dean said

"Is the food ready?"

"It takes a while. Hold onto your ass," Dean muttered.

Lucifer's lips twitched in a smirk. He liked this, just watching TV, sitting with Sam, the house slowly filling with the amazing smells of burgers. He just settled in to watch William Shatner overact. It wasn't until Dean called for the food being ready that Lucifer realized just how settled into Sam he was.

Lucifer groaned when he got up. His legs, specifically his knees were not happy. Sam grabbed is arm. "What's wrong?"

"The problems of getting old," Lucifer said, brushing Sam off. "Just not used to being so sore." He was normally pumped full off all kinds of drugs. Honestly he was surprised he hadn't completely crashed. He wondered how much and of what his body had stopped making naturally because of the machine. His face was set in a grim line as he considered how much he did not want to find out.

"Well, old man, get your ass over here," Dean said.

The house had a living room/kitchen set up. There was an island which partitioned the kitchen from the living room, and had padded barstools. It was close enough that Lucifer didn't even have to take three steps before he was in his different seat.

Lucifer's mouth was watering at the burger that sat on his plate. Dean was already eating his so Lucifer didn't waste time taking a bite. The burger was gone pretty quickly. The patty itself was thick and juicy, full of spices. Dean added at least two different kinds of cheese, fresh lettuce, tomatoes, and a mix of ketchup, mustard and mayonnaise. Lucifer's brain lit up as it recognized each individual flavor of thee food itself. He hadn't realized that he'd forgotten, or more misplaced things like mustard from his memory. Suddenly rediscovering those things was a certain type of magic.

"Good?" Dean asked once Lucifer had finished the burger.

"Best meal I've had in ten years," Lucifer said.

"Smart ass," Dean muttered, getting up. His was gone too. He took Lucifer's plate and his own and began to wash the dishes. Lucifer felt a bit sick, but chalked it up to how fast he'd eaten. "So, do you want to take a shower before bed, or what?"

"Bed," Lucifer said without hesitation.

"Yeah, I get that," Dean said. "There's clean in hell, but there aren't any beds."

"Exactly," Lucifer agreed. He was glad, for a moment, to have someone there who understood. The explanation was for Sam's sake. They both understood the experience. They wouldn't need to talk about it to know. Lucifer appreciated that even for a day there was someone nearby who understood.

"Sam, show him the bed," Dean ordered.

"This way," Sam said, taking Lucifer back to one of the rooms. There was a bed which was easily a double and a few books and clothes, though a lot of the floor space was actually taken up by a suitcase. "You'll sleep here."

"You're staying," Lucifer said, sitting down so he could take off his boots. They pinched a bit, he probably needed to buy new ones.

"I was going to sleep on the couch." There was so much hesitance in Sam's voice. Lucifer's first reaction was to snap. Instead he let out a breath and looked Sam in the eyes.

"I've been away from people for too long, and you ran out on me and left me alone for a year. If you're too hot I'll shove you out onto the floor."

Sam relaxed, which was what Lucifer wanted originally, but bitterness had crawled up in his chest. Sam had left him alone for a year and hadn't said goodbye. Sam promised him an explanation tomorrow, so Lucifer didn't mention it.

"Alright, you win, just let me brush my teeth."

"Did you buy me a tooth brush?"

"Ahh," Sam started. "Well, no, but I think Dean buys in bulk, so maybe he has one."

"Go," Lucifer ordered.

"Are you always like this?"

"I was," Lucifer said with a shrug. Sam smiled tightly. Lucifer waited until Sam was gone before he flopped back on the bed, sighing heavily. He wiggled out of his clothes. It felt too strange to be wearing them, and his stomach felt tight and uncomfortable. His whole being just felt greasy. The burger had tasted wonderful, but now Lucifer felt like he was made of oil. He wished there was a way to wash it off.

It was insane though, just his body's reaction to not eating for so long. It would be fine. He'd get used to it. He'd gotten used to the box, sort of. Of course the box had made it physically impossible to do anything but. But Lucifer wasn't thinking about suicide. He was just tired.

He lay back, not bothering with the covers. He had his briefs on. Even they felt way too restrictive, but he wanted the cover. He just didn't want to be wrapped up. He still tangled his feel in the covers for his toes. In seconds he regretted not being covered and grabbed the blankets, dragging them up to his chin.


	12. Chapter 12

Lucifer hadn't actually remembered falling asleep. What he did know was that he'd woken up in a panic when his limbs had been trapped in the blankets and he couldn't get out. He'd also woken up alone. When he finally got himself free of the blankets and calmed his breathing he realized he was in a dark room alone.

He walked out, heading to the sofa, where Sam was sprawled out. It was way too small for him. Lucifer didn't care, but he did care about was the ratty throw blanket Sam had over his legs. Lucifer marched back into the bedroom, grabbing the comforter.

Sam jolted away only when Lucifer dropped his whole body on top of him. While Sam was wheezing, Lucifer dragged the comforter over them both. Sam wore pajama bottoms and a soft tee shirt. Lucifer lay chest to chest against Sam, feeling the steady rise and fall of Sam's chest carry him up and down.

"Lucifer?" Sam asked.

"You didn't do what I asked," Lucifer said.

"What?"

"You were supposed to be there when I woke up. You weren't," Lucifer said. "Now you deal with the consequences."

"You were asleep," Sam pointed out.

"Now I'm not. The bed's too soft," Lucifer added. That didn't have much to do with his sleep yet, though it might one day. He'd been dreaming he was tied up too tightly to even shift his body. He'd panicked and woken up. He wasn't certain he hadn't ripped the comforter in the effort to get it off him.

"Luc-"

"Stop with the pity. Just shut up," Lucifer hissed. He rested his ear against Sam's chest. So what if his feet hung over the arms of the sofa in a very awkward and uncomfortable way? It was a new uncomfortable, and the sound of Sam's beating heart was comforting because it wasn't silent.

"We can go to the bed," Sam said.

"No," Lucifer said. He knew his tone was childish, he just didn't care. "You didn't come last time. I can sleep anywhere, so this is your punishment."

Lucifer closed his eyes and snuggled in. The bed was better. Sleeping on Sam was like sleeping on a rock, a moving rock. But Sam was nothing like what Lucifer was used to, and so Lucifer didn't think that he'd have bad dreams again about being tied up. He wouldn't wake up with limbs stiff from self-imposed rigor. He couldn't, because even if he did have those dreams, Sam wouldn't be able to sleep and would have to wake him up.

"Night Sam," Lucifer muttered into Sam's shirt.

Sam's hand rested on Lucifer's lower back. Lucifer could feel his face heat up at the touch. It was gentle and steadying. Sam was keeping him close. As far as Lucifer understood this was a marriage to assuage Sam's own guilt, and maybe even make Sam feel like someone wanted or needed him. Maybe that was all it was, Sam trying to make himself feel better by keeping Lucifer close. But Lucifer didn't expect Sam to just accept the uncomfortable sleeping arrangement if that were true.

But then, Sam did have very strong guilt, and what was one night of sleep, right? Sam was still young?

But then, Lucifer had never factored in Sam's gentleness. Lucifer had spent months thinking bad things about Sam. It was hard to just switch that off and he wasn't certain he should. He didn't know what Sam had done what he'd done. Lucifer still had an explanation coming in the morning.

He finally gave up when he realized that Sam had fallen back to sleep. There was no sense dwelling on disquieting thoughts when Lucifer felt so tired. He could allow himself to be happy for a half minute. Lucifer felt sleep covering him. It was warm and comforting like the hand on his back.


	13. Chapter 13

Breakfast was pancakes. Pancakes and fruit that Dean had apparently gone out early to buy and fresh squeezed juice that Lucifer decided couldn't be because of, or for him. Lucifer ate a pancake with peanut butter and maple syrup because it had been a favorite of his when he'd been out. But he couldn't stomach more than one. He ate almost as much fruit as he could put his hands on. He wished he hadn't once he had, but he loved the sweetness and the fact that it just tasted lighter than the pancakes. The pancakes made him feel like the burger did: weighed down with oil he had no way of getting rid of. The fruit made him feel filled with sugar, but that feeling wasn't as bad.

The airport was bad, though. It didn't help that Lucifer had been used to first class, and private jets. So being shoved into a saddle seat is sort of like being shoved into a bar stool in midair, surrounded by about a million strangers, pressing in like mackerels in a bucket. There's also just no way to get comfortable. Sure, it's only like a two and a half to three hour flight, but that still makes it incredibly uncomfortable. At least the plane's small enough that Lucifer and Sam don't have a third person sitting next to them.

"Cheap is better?" Lucifer repeated at Sam. Sam shrugged. Lucifer got the window seat, although he expected that had more to do with Sam being much taller and needing the extra legroom.

"I'm trying to pay off my school loans," Sam said. Lucifer didn't need to ask why. He knew exactly why, but from the significant look Sam was giving him, Sam apparently wasn't sure he got it. Not that Lucifer couldn't see that he and his twelve years weren't the reason.

"How much do you have to pay off?" Lucifer asked.

"Well, dad was the one who took out the loans for my undergraduate and part of the graduate, so I've got one year of graduate school, and the past four years of doctorate work to pay off," Sam said. "The interest rates are neither good nor bad."

"What does that mean?"

"Um… about fifteen percent," Sam said with a blush.

"That's bad Sam," Lucifer said. "Mine weren't more than three."

"Well, that was a long time ago and you're in a different bracket than I am. Most people at my income level pay twenty four percent or more."

"That's insane," Lucifer said.

Sam shrugged. "Things have changed. Look, I worked extra hours at the casino right up until the day I started working at the university, and they're paying two percent, so I'm really only paying thirteen percent, and I was able to do a small down payment from some of the extra money I had saved up, so it's not so bad."

"So, you left because you need to pay your own debt?"

Sam looked sheepish. "In part."

"What are the other parts?" Lucifer found his best piercing gaze for Sam. Sam promised him an explanation and he was going to get it.

Sam shifted a bit, maybe to get comfortable, maybe not to have the seat pinning his balls down so hard, that was why Lucifer kept shifting anyway. Lucifer would prefer to think that he'd simply made Sam uncomfortable. Making people uncomfortable used to be one of Lucifer's special skills and had made him a valuable enforcer for Michael's business. Well, not that valuable apparently.

"You have a lot of debt Lucifer," Sam said, quite to keep others from hearing, but very definite like he needed Lucifer to understand what he was saying.

"Did Michael add more?" Lucifer asked.

"No, he didn't, couldn't. Instead, it's all the debt from things like you owed rent and utilities before you were put in the box. The landlord eventually moved your stuff into government storage, so you owe the landlord and you owe the government, and there is rent for the storage and fees and things to pay to get it all out if you don't want it to be sold, and of course you had to have owned a very expensive violin so they're finding ways to mark that up less than legally so you can't buy it back and they can make a tidy profit selling it and other things. Also, they've frozen your bank accounts until now, which costs a fee, and they've been taking money out of the interest you should have been paid from your investments to keep the debt from all of this spiraling out of control, which is basically only paying the interest, not whatever other fees they've added. So whatever you had in your bank account is basically what you're going to have to have to pay down the debt and live on."

"So basically," Lucifer began with gritted teeth, his hands clenching on the arm rests of his chair. "Is that Michael's still screwing me, even now that he can't add more time in the box."

"Basically," Sam said. "And if the debt gets too big it will go into collection."

"And I'll be right back in the box again." Lucifer felt simultaneously relieved and terrified by that prospect. Both feelings made him very uncomfortable.

"I'm doing my best to keep that from happening," Sam said. "Starting with me getting a job and an apartment. I paid down some of my debt so that I don't end up in the box myself, since I'll be the primary source of income for a little while. I also saved up money to do a down payment on your debt. I contacted your old landlord and explained the situation. He was very understanding. He's not willing to not be paid, but he'll take the pay over a longer amount of time, and he sent some of your old things that he had stored in your building's basement. He'll also understand if we miss a month because of having to pay down some of the other debt."

"You've been trying to take care of me for a while, Sam. I thank you for that," Lucifer said.

"There is more," Sam added. "It's pretty complicated."

"I understand, but I don't want to get too far away from the original point, from what I actually want to know."

Sam looked nervous. "Which is?"

"Why did you leave me behind and not tell me?"

"I tried," Sam said.

"Bullshit," Lucifer said.

"I tried for days, Lucifer. But once my shift changed it became impossible. I couldn't tell you because I couldn't get your attention, and then when I could get your attention it was too late and I couldn't just come one evening when someone else was closing and say goodbye. We didn't want Michael to know, remember?"

Lucifer nodded, and looked very considering. "Bullshit," Lucifer said. Sam had looked relieved for a moment when Lucifer had been pretending to forgive him, but then he blanched.

"Lucifer."

"No, Sam, at that point Michael would have known already, and I'm certain you could have just come one evening, especially if you'd finished classes like you should have at the end. The truth is that you didn't want to come. You didn't want to have to deal with me being angry at you or having to explain what you were going to do. You ran away from me because you could when I couldn't chase after you. You're very much a coward."

Sam looked guilty, just guilty. Lucifer anger bubble up. Sam wasn't denying it. He didn't even look pissed. Lucifer wanted Sam to defend himself. At the very least he wanted some kind of anger of self-preservation, but Sam only looked like he was trying to school his features from being sad, like Sam didn't think he deserved to look sad, like being sad was asking for forgiveness or pity.

"Just stop," Lucifer hissed. "Just stop trying to be a damn martyr. You hurt me Sam. You killed me all over again and hurt so much worse that second time. I'm so angry and hurt I don't feel like I can breathe when I see your face." Sam just looked resigned. "But I need you," Lucifer pressed on. "And not just because I'm married to you."

"What?" Sam asked.

"I need you," Lucifer said slowly. "This isn't forgiveness. You owe me a debt."

"What can I do?" Sam asked. Lucifer knew Sam was needy. He needed to help people. He needed people to need him so that they wouldn't leave him.

"You'll help me get out of debt, and you won't go looking for some other lover. You're mine, Sam. I own you now."

"I'm okay with that," Sam said, smiling in a way that was content, but also conveying that feeling of 'my husband is very silly today'. It made Lucifer chuckled.

"You really shouldn't be."

"But I am," Sam insisted. "I told you that you were my favorite part of the day. It's still true. I know I was terrible, that I shouldn't have left you. But I missed you so much it hurts."

"Sam, I was a possessive bastard before, now imagine how bad I'm going to be when you're the first thing I get to keep in twelve years of having nothing for myself."

"I know," Sam said.

"You don't," Lucifer said.

"You keep saying my name, Lucifer." Sam added particular weight to the way he said Lucifer's name, and suddenly Lucifer was blushing because he realized just how much he'd been saying Sam's name and just how he'd been saying it.

"Doesn't mean you understand," Lucifer muttered. It was embarrassing because he knew he was trying to regain some of his pride.

"I have some idea," Sam said. "And I don't mind. I like being kept."

"You really, really shouldn't say things like that." Because it made Lucifer uneasy. Because it made him think of the Civil War, and history class. Because it made him think of a clear box. Because it made him imagine Sam inside that box. It meant too much to Lucifer and none of it was good.

"I'm sorry," Sam said. Lucifer was just radiating discomfort.

"I know," Lucifer said and shifted. He rested his head on Sam's cheek. It wasn't exactly comfortable, but he needed the contact more than he needed to not have a sore neck.

Sam rested his hand on Lucifer's, almost like and accident. Except that Sam didn't move his hand and Lucifer could see a bare hint of a smile on Sam's face from where he's laid his head on Sam's shoulder.


	14. Chapter 14

To be honest, seeing the like seventy boxes sitting in Sam's small ass living room when they arrived was almost as shocking for Lucifer as it was for Sam.

Sam's apartment was pretty small, and from Sam's face, he was probably not prepared for the amount of stuff Lucifer had once kept in his apartment.

"Don't worry. We can probably sell some of it," Lucifer said. "And it will give me something to do when you're at work tomorrow."

"You're optimistic," Sam said and he just sounded so hopeful.

"Well, at least I won't be bored," Lucifer said. He went to a box labeled clothes and pulled it off one of the stacks of boxes. He cracked it open. He was overwhelmed by the scent of expensive fabric. He carefully started to unpack what he could found.

A sound of annoyance slipped from the back of his throat when he saw the kinds of creases the suits he was pulling out have because of being folded up. He was pleased to find his overcoat, though. Not that it was the cold season in Kansas or anything. It had been a lot colder in New York. But it was something nice that he could use for years that was also familiar.

Sam reached down, hesitantly pulling out another suit from the box. He looked at it almost reverently and carefully laid it out like Lucifer had done with the previous suit he'd pulled out.

"Sam, should I leave you and my suit alone for a while?"

Sam turned bright red and Lucifer had to bite the inside of his cheeks to keep from smiling.

"No. I just… I mean, I never thought about how much you were worth. I always wanted to wear something like this," Sam admitted.

"Well, I'd offer to let you try it on, but I don't think it could fit. I mean, you can try on the jacket, but this was made exactly for me, so it's very exactly tailored."

"I bet you look delicious in it," Sam said. Lucifer's eyes snapped open wide about the time Sam snapped his hand over his mouth. He clearly hadn't meant to say it. His face got that look for guilt on it, which was not what Lucifer wanted.

"I could try it on for you, if you'd like. Of course it's a bit creased, but it still might do the trick."

"Lucifer, you don't have to."

"Don't be stupid. You're my husband, aren't you?" Lucifer waited for an answer.

"Well, yes," Sam said hesitantly.

"Then why wouldn't I want to do what you want?" Lucifer asked, standing up. "Where's your bathroom?"

"That way," Sam said, pointing down the only hallway there was.

Lucifer scooped up the suit parts. He didn't have the shoes or socks, but he did have the shirt, jacket and pants part. Lucifer headed down the hallway, which was barely a hall at all since there was literally just the bedroom and a bathroom which had two doors, one to the bedroom and one to the hall. He stepped inside and shut the door. He paused, realizing he should do something. When he realized it was lock the door he just decided against it. He felt more comfortable with Sam walking in and seeing what he'd already seen than he felt with locking himself in anywhere.

Lucifer undressed slowly. It still felt like an archaic skill he was having to relearn. It wasn't that he didn't know how or couldn't figure it out, it was just that he wasn't used to dressing anyway. He got undressed down to his underwear, and then looked at the suit. He hadn't uncovered his suit underwear yet, and he wanted the suit to look right. He slipped out of his underwear and dropped it on the other pile of clothes.

Getting dressed in the suit felt right. It was more familiar than the jeans and tee shirt he had been wearing. The fact that he rarely had dressed down and mostly preferred suits had been pretty common knowledge to his family. The suit felt more right. For one thing it just fit him like it was supposed to. The box kept him in perfect health. He was probably thinner twelve years after the suit had been made than the he'd been when he first wore it. His stomach was actually a bit trimmer, something he only realized when he got the shirt buttoned.

Once he pulled the jacket on he looked at himself in the mirror. It was jarring, more jarring than seeing himself in the mirror in the bathroom after his shower that morning, when his arms had felt heavy from the activity of washing and he'd spent a really long time just enjoying the water. Seeing how he'd aged had been shocking. But he looked like himself in that suit. He could see who he had been, who he'd thought of himself as. But he was still older and that made him feel sick.

Lucifer turned away from the mirror and opened the door to the bedroom. He walked out from the bedroom, partially just to watch Sam jump. The way Sam looked at him though really threw him. There was want and clear longing in Sam's eyes when Lucifer walked out. Lucifer had seen lust on people's faces before, and it wasn't really that different on Sam. Lucifer had plenty of men and women eye him when he'd worn this particular suit before.

But it was different this time. Sam was important to him. It surprised Lucifer to realize that he did want Sam to want him. Lucifer trusted that Sam would keep his hands himself. Hands weren't the problem, eyes were. The fact that Sam's eyes kept flicking down to Lucifer's bare feet eased that knot of tension.

So many people had seen his body that he didn't feel shame over that particular aspect anymore. It was that he couldn't hide or control what they saw that made him angry and feel shame. But he was controlling this. He was well covered. He'd decided to put on this outfit. His bare feet didn't quite fit, so it was confusing Sam.

It felt good that Sam wanted him, that he could trust Lucifer enough that for even a moment Sam didn't try to hide it. He'd tried to hide it when Lucifer was in the box. Lucifer remembered how carefully Sam had tried to look only at his face and chest. Lucifer had appreciated it at the time. He appreciated it now. Lucifer did want Sam to touch him, but not in a sexual way. Maybe one day, maybe at some point, but just Sam's honest gaze made him feel good.

He understood the wanting gaze, but he also liked the power he felt he held. Sam slipped his hands under his legs, like he was trying to keep them to himself. Sam's self-control made this safe. Lucifer clothes made it safe. He could do this.

"Like what you see?" Lucifer asked with a teasing smile.

"Shut up," Sam grumbled. He didn't look away though. That made Lucifer feel giddy. He began to stalk over to Sam, humming as he walked. He swayed his hips, and watched Sam's eyes follow them. And the Sam's eyes went back to his feet and Sam licked his lips.

"If I didn't want you to look I'd tell you not to. Or I'd just leave," Lucifer told him once he was standing right in front of Sam.

"I know," Sam said, looking up at him. "I trust that you won't push yourself too far over something like this."

"I won't," Lucifer said.

"Do you want me to look at you?"

"Right here, right now, as I am now, yes," Lucifer said. He looked like himself. He wanted Sam to see him like he had been.

"Do you promise to tell me when it's not okay?"

"You just said you trusted me."

Sam smiled a bit. He reached out and took Lucifer's hand. "Yeah, right now. But I still need to hear you promise."

"I promise, Sam. I'll tell you to stop if you go too far, if only so you won't get that pathetic puppy look plastered on your face."

"I don't do that," Sam said with a grimace.

"Do too," Lucifer said, looking over at the boxes. "Let me go change and we can tackle the rest of this for a bit."

"Can't we just take a nap?" Sam groaned. "Or have lunch."

"Sleep and food are for the weak," Lucifer called back as he went to change.

The creases in the suit did annoy him. He'd have to iron those out when he could. But not then. He wanted to see if he could find some of his more casual clothes. Lucifer had a feeling that Sam would like him in jeans with his feet bare too. Lucifer felt a thrum of excitement for that idea. He wanted to see how many different expressions of want he could put on Sam's face. Lucifer was practically bouncing when he walked back to the living room.


	15. Chapter 15

Lucifer was actually glad for the boxes when Sam went off to work that next morning. Lucifer had seen Sam off and then slept on the sofa for another hour and half. Then he had nothing to do except unpack. He'd opened boxes until he'd found his casual clothes and his underwear. Sam had convinced him to stop after that so he could show Lucifer around his temperamental kitchen and try to get Lucifer to sleep in the bed.

Lucifer knew he was going to butt heads with Sam's chivalry again. It wasn't a bad thing. It meant that Lucifer could test his boundaries with Sam and still feel safe. But it also meant that Sam was probably going to insist on sleeping on the couch until the end of all eternity. Lucifer had to lay on Sam's chest again to be certain he'd be there in the morning.

Which brought him back to the boxes. He still had a lot of his life to get back to. He'd sort of assumed he could just go back to his old life, even if he didn't fit. But since everything was frozen, it seemed like he was stuck until he could pay off his debt. He was going to make piles with his boxes: what he was keeping for himself, what he was keeping to replace something Sam had or just to supplement what Sam had, what he was going to sell to pay down his debt, and finally the stuff he was just throwing out.

They didn't have money for storage, and honestly Lucifer wanted his violin back. He didn't have near as many ties to a lot of the stuff he'd had from his old life. But some things, like his violin, felt even more important to him.

So first came unpacking. Lucifer started by pulling out all of the clothes he found. He'd simply located the boxes before. He definitely had more clothes than this small apartment could handle. Most of them were suits, which he was less than willing to throw out, since most of them had been specifically tailor made for him.

Of course what he needed the most room for would be the most casual items. He didn't expect that Sam needed to come home every evening to him wearing a three piece suit. Lucifer also didn't need to wearing diamond cuff links. He dropped the little velvet box holding those into his "sell" box. He took a moment to write labels on his boxes, just to put off actually going through everything, and part because he knew he'd forget.

It turns out he did need the labels. Mostly things went either into the "Keep for Sam" or "Sell" box. Most of the cooking equipment was better served in Sam's tiny ass apartment that being sold to a pawn shop. He actually just gave up going through the cookware and setting it aside, and instead just cleaned out the few and crappy dishes, pots, pans and utensils Sam had and replaced them with Lucifer's.

Lucifer finds a box cutter when he's collecting Sam's old dish rags to throw out. He uses it to cut the tape and collapse the boxes. He imagines he'll need them later if he actually is going to sell some of this stuff, or throw it out. He just wants less clutter and he wants to see the dozen boxes he's already emptied completely out of the way.

He'd forgotten how good work felt. His shoulder and lower back aches terribly. He felt old. He knew he used to be able to do a lot more and hurt a lot less. He was used to his nerves going crazy, but the box kept him from being in pain like he was from carrying pots around. He grumbled about it, but he really didn't care.

Working with his hands felt good. He was achieving something. It wasn't the monotony that he was used to. He was useful, clearing out clutter, making Sam's kitchen better. He felt happy. For all his aches, this was probably the best moment he'd had in years. He was alone, really, actually alone. He was free to move about. He got water when he was thirsty and stopped when he wanted to. But he didn't want to, he wanted to keep going.

The books were something of a surprise, mostly how many he apparently had. Paper was still used in abundance, but reading books were used less and less. Why bother when it was on a tablet? Lucifer remembered liking classics, but discovering he seemed to have the complete works of Mark twain surprised him. He started laughing when he pulled out a large collection of writing from the Revolutionary war. He didn't remember having any of those things until he had them in his hand again.

Sam had bookshelves. Law books, it seemed, were still printed. But there was still space for Lucifer books. He had to stack them in every nook and cranny he could find and pile them ontop of the book self at least a foot high. Any cookbooks he found went in the kitchen, and he still had to stack some on the floor.

The book cleared up a lot of boxes, which got added to Lucifer's stack. Lucifer was humming at that point. He was hot and sweaty and thirsty, so he got a glass of iced water. He threw himself back on the sofa and just rested for a while.

"This was bad idea," Lucifer said after about ten minutes. It wasn't that he was bored or anything. He just felt settled and much more tired than he had before he sat down. He did not want to get up and go back to work. He really, really didn't. The only thing that got him back up was the fact that he wanted to finish with the boxes before Sam came home.

This was going to be his home too. He didn't like the clutter of the boxes, and even if he couldn't get everything separated he just wanted to get everything out of the boxes so he could figure out where to move things.

When he got up he just stared at his work. He'd actually done a lot. Which was probably why he jumped when he heard someone opening a door.

"Lucifer?" Sam asked.

"Did you have to make me have a heart attack?" Lucifer hissed.

"I'm sorry," Sam said, coming on to the living room. "Wow, you did a lot today."

"There's still a lot more," Lucifer said. He didn't know why he felt dejected. He had about a third of the boxes opened and emptied. And two thirds of those were put away.

"Wow, Lucifer!" Sam gasped, suddenly seeing all the books. His face lit up with a childlike wonder which made a certain amount of pleasure tingle up his spine.

"We really could use a second bookshelf," Lucifer said.

"We?" Sam asked, not really looking at Lucifer. That made Lucifer's stomach clench.

"I live here too," Lucifer said. "I am your husband, after all."

Sam smiled. "Yeah. I just sort of assumed that you'd try to… well…"

"Go back to New York?"

"Yeah. I mean I've always wanted to go there," Sam said. "My dream was to work at a law firm in New York."

"Really?" Lucifer asked. "Well, maybe one day I'll go back and take you with me. But for now you'll still probably be teaching summer school for a while."

"Don't remind me," Sam groaned. He ran his finger over the spine of the collection of essays from the Revolutionary War.

"You like history?" Lucifer asked.

"As it pertains to the law of our country, yeah," Sam said. "It was all so messed up, it was just amazing that it came together at all."

"Just keep it," Lucifer said.

"You sure?" Sam asked, hugging the large book to his chest. "I mean, it does belong to you."

"Sam, I know where you sleep. I don't think I'm never going to see it again. Nor does it mean as much to me as I think it would mean to you. But, if you're still feeling unsure, just think of it as a wedding present."

Sam stepped close to Lucifer, sort of inside his personal space, though Lucifer imagined he could step back or push Sam away without problem. "Thank you. I love it."

"Let's see if you feel the same way when you finished reading it."

"I'm sure… hey, why are my dishes on the floor?"

"They aren't very good, and once I put mine in the cabinets there wasn't much space."

"Yours?" Sam asked in bewilderment. He wanted to the kitchen, still holding the book. He opened every cabinet and drawer, staring at the amount of expensive kitchenware there was now in his home.

"They were in the boxes," Lucifer said before Sam could ask.

"Can you cook?"

"Can't you?" Lucifer asked, wrinkling his nose.

"Well, I mean, not well. I was in University for a while."

"That doesn't mean anything," Lucifer said. "Put the book down, and get into more comfortable clothes. There's no way you're not going to know how to cook."

"Wait," Sam said as Lucifer tried to push him from the kitchen. "Weren't you like… incredibly wealthy? Couldn't you afford to have someone to cook for you?"

"Yes, but that doesn't mean I should ever allow myself to be helpless. A man needs to know how to take care of himself to be a man; that includes knowing how to cook, and sew and change a flat tire. What? Why are you smirking?"

"No reason," Sam said, shaking his head. "You just sounded a bit like Dean is all."

"Go," Lucifer said. "Change. I'll think of some fitting punishment for such a terrible insult by the time you get back."

Sam's laughter shot pleasure right up his spine. Lucifer couldn't stop himself from smiling while he got looked through his cookbooks to see what he could make with the bit of food Sam as in his home. Sam was so much like a very over grown child.


	16. Chapter 16

Lucifer didn't mind the small apartment once the boxes were removed from the living room. He also didn't mind the extra cash in hand once they'd sold most of the stuff. Lucifer figured out that some things were better sold online. It had at least felt like a job for a little while. Now he was bored with nothing to do.

"Why are you looking at the want ads?" Sam asked when he came home the previous evening.

"Because I'm bored, Sam. I'm bored and I have nothing to do."

"You make dinner." He knew Sam was trying to be helpful, but sometimes the boy said things that were just so dense Lucifer was forced to remember that Sam was just that: a boy.

"Yes, which takes only an hour or two, depending on my mood, and I generally wait until you're here already. Besides that I clean. I'm not your housewife. I used to buy companies and sell the parts for more money."

Sam winced like he did every time Lucifer mentioned who he used to be. Lucifer didn't like when Sam did that. Sam wanted him to be a good man, which Lucifer couldn't imagine himself being. He was aware of what an ass he'd been. He thought for a while maybe Michael had locked him in the box to teach him some kind of lesson. He still wasn't certain that wasn't why he'd originally been sold out like that.

"Well, I can give you something to do tomorrow," Sam said.

"What?"

Maybe Lucifer should have jumped on the chance to leave the apartment so quickly. He'd been there for two weeks, though and hadn't gone outside the apartment once without Sam being there. Not that Sam knew that. Lucifer heard people walking by in the hall and would listen until he got some idea of who his neighbors were, or just open the door and watch people go by so he could put stories and voices to faces. It was an elaborate hoax so Sam wouldn't worry about him.

Sam didn't understand, though. He was careful with Lucifer when they went to the store. But Lucifer dominated there. He was in the position of power, by being the one with money. If someone didn't get him what he wanted, or was rude to them he would politely, with a smile, talk to them until they wanted to run themselves into the ground. Sam was uncomfortable with Lucifer's acid tongue, especially when he realized it was a symptom of who Lucifer had always been.

"Weren't you the one who called me a vengeful angel?" Lucifer asked Sam once they got home one time when Sam had tried to drag Lucifer out without their groceries because he was upset that Lucifer had made the manager cry.

"Yeah, but I thought you'd talk like this so the people who hurt you, not strangers," Sam said. His brows had been furrowed in the troubled look.

"That's the problem with vengeful angels, Sam," Lucifer tried to explain. "Without the directing hand of God, they'll destroy everything in their path."

"You don't talk to me like that," Sam said.

"No, I don't."

But Sam didn't get it. He was different, special. He saw a slave and asked how he, barely more than a serf himself, could break the slave's bonds. For all Sam's discomfort with the way Lucifer acted in the grocery store, Sam never left his side. Lucifer didn't know if Sam could sense how Lucifer's lungs felt like they were going to burst in the crowd when Sam moved away from him for any reason. Maybe Sam was just protective of him. Or maybe Sam really did want to be kept.

Either way, Lucifer didn't want to deal with the disappointment in Sam's eyes if he figured out that Lucifer didn't feel like he could leave the house alone. He saw enough of that in the mirror, and Lucifer really didn't like looking in the mirror in the first place. Going from seeing a youthful face to a man with lines on his face was not something Lucifer would 10/10 recommend, especially when it was your own face.

So Lucifer was happy to agree to what Sam wanted. Sure, it didn't really keep him busy, expect deciding which of his many suits to wear. He picked the grey one because of the way Sam looked at him when he wore it around the house. His shoes were a bit snug, but then feet did tend to keep growing, so that wasn't surprising. Everything else first perfectly.

"I could have changed if you didn't want me to wear it," Lucifer told Sam during the car ride. Sam had his suit on, but honestly it looked cheap compared to Lucifer's suit. Lucifer had less expensive looking suits. He was probably going to be drastically over dressed, but he felt like he needed armor going into the event.

That feeling probably should have tipped him off.

Instead he'd been distracted by Sam's insanely perfect hair and the way Sam's eyes traveled down his body before Sam would blush and look away. Was it seduction if you were trying to convince your new husband that you wanted a wedding night? That was a lot more pleasant to think about than what was actually happening.

Sam had been invited to one of his colleagues' homes. Lucifer knew he'd been in school twenty years before or more, but he was pretty certain that things had changed. Lucifer knew what Sam wanted him there: the point of the dinner was to try to score points so he could continue to keep his job. Sam's legal status meant that he didn't have to ever be considered for tenure. They could always pay him less and it be completely legal. It was a good deal for the school, and about as good a deal as Sam could get.

So Lucifer's function was arm candy. Thought it benefited Lucifer so long as Sam had a job. Lucifer needed to be dressed up, sophisticated and attractive. He was the part of the Sam puzzle that wouldn't fit and would make Sam's colleagues consider him again.

Of course, Lucifer understood this, but he couldn't help the amount of disdain he felt with how dressed up everyone was. Lucifer still was the most overdressed. But Sam was the most underdressed. Lucifer had seen his professor's gatherings before, and they used to be very casual. Not the five course candle light affair this was.

"So, Mr. Winchester," the host started. He and his wife were the best dressed after Lucifer. They were showing off. They'd all be surprised when Lucifer had claimed Sam's last name. In part he just didn't want anyone to go looking in to who he was. In part he just didn't want to be a Shurley anymore. Being a Winchester meant he was safe.

"Yes?" Lucifer asked, offering a smile before taking a bite of the asparagus he was being served as part of the second course. He'd had better, but the food was properly pretentious, so taste hardly mattered.

"Our Sam's been very vague about you. I don't feel like we know you at all. Tell me, what do you do exactly?" The man's smile was too broad and showed too much teeth.

Lucifer twisted his lips up into one of his more seductive smiles. He leaned a little closer but allowed his body language to look open, when in reality he wanted to cross his arms over his chest. He didn't like how closely they were all examining him. He didn't like the way the women and some of the men were undressing him with their eyes. He wished he'd worn a different suit, but he had to shove that wish aside. This was for Sam.

"I'm self-employed," Lucifer said. "I'm currently between projects and looking for inspiration. Do you think a serious of cookbooks on the 101 best uses for asparagus would be a bad idea?" He took a particularly viscous bite out of his food.

The people laughed like they were supposed to and the host looked just a bit uneasy, like he knew he'd been threatened, but he couldn't figure out how. That was Lucifer's specialty, after all.

"But really, what do you do?" One woman asked. She was older, and her dress dipped far too low. She was looking at him like he was meat, but then she'd also looked at Sam like that until she saw Lucifer. It had to be the suit, of course, because Sam was much younger and more attractive. She just had to be thee type who was looking for the next big thing. Though she was too old for that now. He just didn't want her looking at Sam like that. He didn't want anyone looking at Sam like that. He was fine standing in the way where he could.

"This and that," Lucifer said. "I told you I'm in between projects, right now."

"Someone just doesn't want to kiss and tell," one younger woman teased. She was blonde, but naturally, unlike the older woman. She offered an unsure smile. Her husband was older and he had a kindly smile. She wasn't used to playing the games they played, though she was trying. She had a crush on Sam, though, which Lucifer could not tolerate.

"You got me," Lucifer said, holding up his hands like surrender. He spoke with his hands more than he used to. Seeing the freedom of movement was comforting.

The young woman laughed. Lucifer smiled and didn't ground his teeth. "You're smart. If you tell them what you do, they'll forever be on you to contribute to the school."

"I'm well aware," Lucifer said. They'd already gotten three letters in the mail more than suggesting that Sam start contributing to the School's newer projects out of his own pocket.

Lucifer didn't jump when the woman next to him stood up. He would swear he didn't. He was pretty certain that he had kept his face blank. She'd been playing with the seating card all evening, twirling it in her fingers. He kept looking for a downward swipe and for her to punch numbers into a key pad.

He took a deep breath, reaching for his water to take a large sip. He needed the moment. He felt a hand squeeze on his knee. He glanced at Sam. The touch calmed him, but seeing Sam did not. Did he not get that he just needed to be still and good? He didn't know how to deal with people looking like they were now. Lucifer didn't want him to be. That was Lucifer's job.

"I'm sorry everyone," Sam said. His voice was quiet, but it still carried. "I'm afraid I'm not feeling well." He pushed away from the table. Lucifer couldn't stop the surprise on his face as he watched Sam stand up. What was he doing?

"Oh dear," the host's wife said. "I hope it's not contagious."

"I'm certain it's not. I just don't want to risk it. Thank you so much for inviting us. It's been lovely so far." Sam sounded so calm. Lucifer knew he was staring. He shouldn't be looking, staring like he was. Sam shouldn't have stood out so much.

"Oh dear," the host's wife said again. "I do hope you'll be able to come again."

"We'll do our best. As I said, this has been a good evening." He turned. "Lucifer," he said.

Lucifer stood and followed, nodding his goodbyes before falling in to step next to Sam. They were silent as they went to collect their coats. They were silent as they walked to the car. They were silent when they drove away from the house.

"Why did we leave, Sam?" Lucifer asked. His voice was as cold as he could make it.

"Lucifer," Sam started, but he had his pity voice on and Lucifer didn't want to hear it.

"No, Sam. This was about you being able to win points with the people who can recommend you getting better pay and better assignments. You need them to like you, which they will not do if we leave before the main course has even come out."

"I know that," Sam snapped. "I'll stay the next time."

"We're going to have to do serious damage control after this."

"No."

"Yes, we do, Sam."

"No, Lucifer, not we. I do. I'm never taking you to one of these things again." Sam was angry.

They lapsed into silence. Lucifer ran over the evening in his head. He couldn't think of anything he'd done wrong. He wasn't mean to anyone. Okay, he'd made the host feel a bit uncomfortable, but the man deserved it.

"What did I do?" Lucifer asked softly.

"Nothing, God, nothing. You were perfect," Sam breathed.

"Then why-"

"You looked like how you looked that last day in the box," Sam said. "You kept looking at Dr. Meuller when she twirled the name card. You directed conversation away from me, and looked each woman in the eyes when she looked you up and down."

"I was fine, Sam. It's just what you have to do to keep people's attention," Lucifer said. He felt his gut twist, though. He didn't realize he'd been so obvious about watching that damn woman twirl that damn card.

"Yeah, but you don't want attention, not like that," Sam said quietly.

"I was fine, Sam," Lucifer snapped. He didn't need to be tested on this. He was doing well. Sam was doing well. It was going like it was supposed to. All eyes were supposed to be on him. That was what happened. That was Lucifer's job, it had always been his job.

"Fine," Sam said quietly, but it didn't sound like defeat. "I'll let you come with me next time on one condition."

"Which is?"

"Answer me truthfully, this one question."

"Fine," Lucifer said.

Sam sighed heavily. Lucifer watched him drive. Lucifer really needed to get his license renewed, but first he needed to transfer his residence to Kansas. He liked watching Sam drive, though. Sam wasn't a good or bad driver, Lucifer just liked seeing him behind the wheel off a car.

"Were you afraid of them tonight?" Sam asked. He didn't look at Lucifer, just at the road. Lucifer was glad for that.

Lucifer knew he could lie convincingly. It was easy for him. But Sam wanted the truth. He could make Sam believe the truth. But he really needed to be there with Sam. Sam needed him and Lucifer needed to be needed. He couldn't just be the charity case anymore.

"Yes," Lucifer admitted with a stuttering breath. The answer took his breath away. They'd frightened him. He honestly couldn't remember feeling so uncomfortable since he'd gotten out of the box.

"Lucifer," Sam said. That was all he was going to say, Lucifer was certain.

"I felt like they were going to have you strip down for them. They wanted you to. They wanted to humiliate you. I couldn't let them do that. I'm fine with humiliation. I know how to deal with that. Please don't stand out so much next time. I'm fine when they look at me."

"No, you aren't," Sam said. "They aren't terrible people. I mean, some of them suck, no doubt. And yes some of them need to keep their eyes in their head, but the point is to show off. We'll show off how smart we are and how much we're worth. But they aren't going to humiliate me."

"Have you ever seen them destroy someone with words or gossip?" Lucifer pressed. Sam winced. "See? What more would they have to do? What more could they do? Laws are all about technicalities. It's like the damn box. Someone says it will be like being on foreign soil, and the person inside can go back to their normal lives once it's over so the government doesn't have to interfere and it can just happen. All one of them has to do is decide that getting you down low enough means them seeing a lot more of your skin and you're trapped. I can't let that happen, Sam."

Sam pulled into the parking lot for their apartment building. Sam turned off the car and faced Lucifer. He reached out and gripped Lucifer's upper arm. "It's not foreign soil here. If they tried to do that I could sue them for sexual harassment. Enough people want to topple our head of department that they'd happily turn on him or his wife. But they others aren't so bad. Many of them hate how I'm treated. They've been supportive of me. They're the reason I got hired. I'm treated the same as anyone else in my position, forget my legal status."

"It's not safe," Lucifer found himself saying. He squeezed his eyes shut tight. Dammit, when had he gotten so far away.

He heard Sam's car door open and the sound of rustling clothes. Sam's door shut. Lucifer let out a sigh of relief. He needed the moment to compose himself. He wanted out of his suit and into bed, and Sam pressed against him like he hadn't had for so many years. But he didn't want to be shaking from head to toe like he was in the car when he got upstairs.

Lucifer's eyes opened when he heard his door open and the cool night air poured in. He watched Sam unbuckled his seatbelt. He was kneeling on the pavement. They stared at each other for a moment before Sam dragged Lucifer into a hug.

Lucifer shook all over. "It's cold," he said. He knew it was only cool, but he felt cold all over. He snuggled into Sam's body warmth. Lucifer took deep breaths. He hated how shuddering they were, but he couldn't stop it. It kept him from sobbing.

"I've got you. You're not alone," Sam murmured in his ear.

"Thank you," Lucifer said after a moment. He was glad Sam had taken him home. He didn't want to imagine what the breakdown would have been like if Sam had confronted him while they were still at the apartment.

"Come on, let's get inside," Sam said. "It's cold," he added with a smile. Lucifer smiled back weakly. He was grateful that Sam was playing along. It was shaking, just shaking. He could deal with shaking. So what if Sam had to keep a tight grip on him to keep his legs from falling out from under him? So what if they had to stop every flight of stairs so Lucifer could get his breath. It was just shaking. He was fine.

He was fine. He was fine. He was fine. He was just fine.


	17. Chapter 17

“Son of a bitch,” Lucifer heard a woman snarl. Then someone was pounding his door and Lucifer realized exactly why it was a terrible idea to physically have his ear to the door. 

“Ouch,” Lucifer whispered, rubbing his ear. 

“Open up the damn door,” the woman shouted from the other side of the door. 

Lucifer unlocked the door and pulled back the latch, opening the door. The woman in front of him was shorter than him, curvy in a pleasing way, with wavy dark brown hair and a curious face. She dressed in denim and leather and looked very much like she wanted to disembowel him with a spoon. 

“What the hell? How did you get here so fast? Were you listening at the door?” the woman asked. 

“Yes, actually,” Lucifer said, rubbing his ear. “I have to thank you for the massive headache I now have.” 

“Well too bad, because you’re in my apartment.” 

That made Lucifer pause. “I’m sorry, but I’m pretty certain I’ve been living here for three weeks and have not seen you.” 

“That’s cause I just got out last week and that bastard couldn’t wait a month to keep from renting out my space,” the woman said. She was angry, spitting cat angry, but Lucifer got that it wasn’t really at him, he just happened to be in the way. 

“I’m sorry, but my husband has lived here for six month.” 

“Six months,” the woman said, going pail. She swayed a bit, looking like she was going to burst into tear. 

Lucifer sighed heavily. “Look, come in and I’ll get you a glass of water and you can start from the beginning.” 

“I don’t need you pity,” the woman said. 

“No, but we both need for the neighbors not to call the police. So just come in,” he said, standing aside. 

The woman walked in and went directly to their little couch. Lucifer went to their kitchen and filled a glass with crushed ice and water. He handed it to her and then got the rolling chair from Sam’s desk, wheeling it over so he could sit near her, but not next to her. 

“What do you want to know?” the woman asked. 

“Let’s start with names.” 

“Meg,” the woman said. “Meg Masters.” 

“Lucifer Winchester. Now, why do you think this is your apartment?” 

“Because it is!” Meg snapped. “I lived here for two years, after the first time I got locked up, and I knew I was going to have to go back for a little while, so I just saved up and paid the land lord so he’d hold my apartment for the eight months I knew I’d be gone. And what does he do? The second I’m gone he rents out my place! He probably sold all my stuff too.” 

“What were you in prison for?” Lucifer asked. 

“Not prison, jack-ass. No one calls it debtors prison, but that’s what it is, except that they actually make money off you,” Meg said. 

“A watch box,” Lucifer said quietly. 

“Man, I’m not about to strip down for your fantasy.” 

Lucifer realized he’d been staring. “Eh, no. No. I just… I just got out as well.” He didn’t like the hesitance in his voice. Dean had just known so they hadn’t needed to talk about it. But this woman was a stranger. 

“What? Really?” she breathed. He saw that look in her eyes, he knew it because he bet it was on his face. He’d seen it on Dean’s. They understood each other. They didn’t have to explain. They just knew. “You got out three weeks ago? How long?” 

“Twelve year.” 

“Holy fuck,” Meg said. “Jesus.” She rubbed her hands together. She was horrified. She understood. She had real horror because she understood. “I thought my two and half was bad, but twelve year?” 

“How did you get two and a half?” Lucifer asked. 

“I had a lot of debt. A whole lot. This last round was because of the debt I got from being locked up. I was supposed to be done this time. It was supposed to be over. I go to Vegas for eight months, pay it all off and come home debt free. That was the plan.” 

Lucifer reached out and placed his hand on hers. She looked at him for a moment and then started to drink her water. “Don’t panic yet,” Lucifer finally decided. “MY husband’s in law. I can’t be certain what the landlord did was legal, but in all probability your affects are just in storage. Part of the storage will come from what you paid him, but the rest he’ll probably have to refund.” 

“How can you be certain?” Meg asked. 

“I can’t be,” Lucifer said. “But I know what documents I’m working through, and I knew business law. Things don’t change that quickly. Did you have a paper contract or a verbal one?” 

“Paper,” Meg said. 

“And did you get a receipt?” 

“Yeah, but it’s with the stuff that isn’t here anymore,” Meg said. 

“Well, it’s a start,” Lucifer said. “Look, we’ll bother Sam when he get home. But until then I have dinner to start. Would you like to stay here and wait?” 

“What are you making?” Meg asked. 

“Dinner and lunch for the next few days,” Lucifer said. “I’m cooking a ham.” 

“I’m staying for dinner, then,” Meg said, putting her feet up on the coffee table. 

“Only if you help,” Lucifer said, rolling the chair back to Sam’s desk. 

“Hey, I just got out,” Meg protested. 

“And I had twelve year,” Lucifer said with a shrug. 

“That’s just the best trump card ever,” Meg said as she stood. She dropped her leather jacket on the sofa and rolled up her sleeves. She started to wash her hands while Lucifer pulled ingredients from their hiding places. 

“It’s at least effective,” Lucifer agreed.


	18. Chapter 18

Sam was greeted with the delicious smells of ham when he walked through the front door. He was surprised to hear laughter, Lucifer’s and a very female voice. Sam’s stomach tightened. He knew Lucifer wouldn’t stay with him for forever, but he rather hoped there would be a little more time. 

“Sam?” Lucifer called. 

“Coming,” Sam said, dropping his bag on the sofa next to a feminine black leather jacket. He looked up to see a pretty and curious female standing in the kitchen door. 

“Meg, move,” Lucifer said, brushing the woman aside. 

“God, Lucifer, how did you wrangle yourself a Greek god?” the woman, Meg, asked. 

“Luck,” Lucifer said with a smirk. He moved around the woman, coming to Sam’s side. “Sam, this is Meg Masters, the woman who lived here before you did.” 

“Hello,” Meg said. “Lucifer, the ham?” she asked. The timer started beeping. 

“It’ll be fine for a minute,” Lucifer said with a bit of annoyance in his voice. 

“Smells good,” Sam said quietly. 

“Meg, can you pull it out and check it, like I showed you?” Lucifer asked, now just sounding exasperated. 

“Yeah, you just don’t want to me to see you making out,” Meg said with a laugh before she ducked into the kitchen again. 

“Lucifer,” Sam said quietly. He didn’t really know what was happening. Lucifer was friendly with the woman in a way that Lucifer wasn’t friendly with him. But then from their jokes… but maybe Lucifer was just waiting until they were alone to explain. 

“Sam,” Lucifer said quickly. He pulled on a nervous smile. “Meg is… she wasn’t supposed to have been thrown out. She paid her rent and everything.” 

“I don’t understand,” Sam said. 

“Sam, she was in one of the Boxes,” Lucifer said softly. Sam felt himself go a bit cold. He glanced at the kitchen where he could see a glimpse of the woman as she moved around the kitchen. “She doesn’t know where any of her things are, or where her she can go.” 

“Lucifer,” Sam started. 

“Sam, I want to help her. Please.” And then Sam understood Lucifer’s nerves. Lucifer needed help and he didn’t know how to ask for it. 

“I can call the landlord tonight, and we’ll go from there,” Sam said. Lucifer relaxed for just a moment. Then he became intensely focused. He stepped close to Sam and hugged him. Sam returned the hug for a moment before loosening his grip so Lucifer could leave whenever he wished. 

“I wish you wouldn’t be so scared of me, Sam,” Lucifer said into his shirt. 

“Not scared of you,” Sam said. He just thought ‘screw it’, and dragged Lucifer into a tight hug. 

“Jesus, can you to stop being models for HomeMaker magazine for a half minute and help me?” Meg snapped from the kitchen door way. 

“You need to learn to do it yourself,” Lucifer said, slipping easily from Sam’s hold. Sam felt that cold nervous feeling in his stomach again. Lucifer focused on Meg so easily. It wasn’t that Sam didn’t want Lucifer to make friends, but a very terrible part of him wanted Lucifer to care about him, like before. 

“Hey, it’s just heavy,” Meg said. “You too, Mr. Jolly Green. I can’t get this stuff done on my own.” 

“Don’t bother with him,” Lucifer said. “He doesn’t know how to cook.” 

“I’m learning,” Sam protested. 

“Yeah, well, he can get the ham out of the oven,” Meg said. 

“No he can’t,” Lucifer said, bending over to grab the Ham out. He made it look so easy and like the ham weighed nothing at all. “He’ll burn himself.” 

“I won’t,” Sam protested more loudly. 

“Again,” Lucifer said, judgment heavy in his eyes. 

Meg started to laugh. “You boys area trip. So, am I getting the bed or the sofa?” 

“Sofa,” Sam and Lucifer said at the same time.


	19. Chapter 19

Meg was over every day after that. Lucifer assured him that she went out to find a job and an apartment, but she still cam over every day, even once they figured out where her stuff was and got her money back. It wasn’t so much they. It was really just Lucifer on the phone. Sam heard him once, talking like he was a king speaking to peons. 

Sam wasn’t certain how he felt about Lucifer taking charge like that. On one hand it made Sam’s mouth water, and all kind of delicious images come to his mind. Ones he could have very well because of how well he knew Lucifer’s body. Which was the number one reason why he shouldn’t be having those fantasies. Which led to the other hand. Lucifer was still healing. Sam shouldn’t be thinking like that. But he also didn’t know what was healing Lucifer, and just Lucifer. 

Dominant Lucifer was probably just Lucifer. But it reminded Sam partly how different they were. In no universe would they have met and been together if it weren’t for the drastic turn Lucifer’s life had taken for the worse. Sam shouldn’t be in Lucifer’s life. He shouldn’t be liking Lucifer being with him so much. 

And there was Meg, just being there. Lucifer spoke with her, laughed with her, touched her like he didn’t touch Sam. He came in one day and saw Lucifer cupping Meg’s face in his hands, speaking to her in a hushed whisper. 

Lucifer lay on his chest at night. But Sam knew that was just because Lucifer was afraid of waking up alone. Lucifer flirted with him, but Sam couldn’t shake the feeling that Lucifer flirting with him might just be Lucifer practicing on him. Sam couldn’t get past the idea that Lucifer might just be using him as a way to make Meg feel safe so that Lucifer could flirt with her. 

Sam had wanted Lucifer to get a friend. He had wanted him to start to heal. He still did. He just wished that his own emotions didn’t flare up with some kind of possession when Lucifer spoke about Meg. He didn’t want to feel anymore like Lucifer owed him anything. Sam had put of his education, taken more debt, and worked like crazy for two years to get Lucifer out. But that didn’t mean that Lucifer owed him anything. Sam did it because he wanted to. He kept reminding himself that. 

But that didn’t mean that he felt less unhappy. 

Which was probably why he hadn’t gone home immediately. He and Dean had gone to a bar at least once a week, even after Dean got out. Sam hadn’t for a few weeks because of Lucifer. But Meg was there, so what did it matter if he didn’t show up right on time? 

Sam sipped his beer. He wasn’t so far into his second drink that he couldn’t get himself home, but he felt a little more dull and a little less sore. A really, really pretty woman was making eyes at him from across the way. She reminded him of Meg, with the wavy brown hair. But that was where the similarities ended, since this woman had a much thinner face and body. 

Whatever, Lucifer could have Meg if he wanted her. He was going to leave eventually anyway, right? Sam took a long drink, just finishing off the beer because it seemed like the best thing. 

“Sal, get him another.” It was the brunette. She smiled, a sweet and spicy thing with a lot of teeth. “Ruby.” 

“Sam,” he answered, accepting the beer. “One for her as well,” he said. But then the bar tender had already opened a second one before Sam could even say it. “It seems you’re popular here.” 

“Oh yeah, of course,” Ruby said. She crossed her leg at the knee. “So, what kind of bad news brings you here?” 

“Family stuff,” Sam said. Normally that meant Dean things, or just general guilt. 

“So, is it bad enough that you’re really looking to make bad decisions?” she asked. 

Sam chuckled into his beer before taking a swig. “Apparently. What about you?” 

“I have an unhappy anniversary to celebrate,” Ruby said. 

“What? Are you a Watch Box person too?” Sam asked with a snort. He took another sip before he realized that Ruby wasn’t laughing. In fact she looked quiet pale.

“How did you know?” she asked in a near whisper. 

“I didn’t,” Sam said. “But you’re the fourth person I’ve now met who is.” Which was why he was at the bar.

“It’s more common than you’d think,” Ruby said, relaxing some. “A lot of people have a lot of debt. Anyone who’s attractive enough gets tossed in.” 

“What if you aren’t attractive enough?” Sam asked in an off handed manner. He didn’t actually know. Debt went into collection. He’d only looked into the Watch Box because he needed to know. 

“What? You got too much debt to worry about? Don’t worry, you’re more than attractive enough,” Ruby said with a wicked smirk. Sam shot her a look. It reminded him of Lucifer when he didn’t want to talk about something. 

“No, I’m just curious.” 

“I don’t know. I heard they take your kidneys or something,” she said. “Those sell pretty high, after all.” 

“It’s not supposed to keep you from going back to your normal life,” Sam said. 

“Yeah, that’s what they tell you. But they don’t disallow cell phones. So all anyone has to do is take a video and post in online, and get your image from there and suddenly: Bam! No one will ever hire you for anything reputable without full on pity and shit pay because there’s video of you from when you were 19 with your tits showing being fucked by a dildo.” 

“Not that you’re bitter or anything,” Sam said. 

“Don’t be an ass,” Ruby said. 

“So, you celebrate your anniversary of getting totally fucked over by screwing strangers?” Sam asked. He finished off his drink and set down the glass.

“No, but proving to myself that I can pick what I want,” she said. 

Sam smiled a bit, but it was a bit bitter and very tired. “So, not me then,” he said. 

“Why not you?” she asked. 

“Because I’m a huge asshole who came here to get drunk and blame bad life decisions on being drunk,” Sam said. 

“But at least you’re honest about it,” Ruby said with a shrug. When she shrugged Sam could better see the line of her neck going down to her shoulder. He wanted to put his tongue on it. 

In his mind they were already in bed. No, hell with that. They were in the back on the bar and he had her pushed against the wall, panties on the ground, his head under her skirt. His tongue was on her and her fingers dug into the brick as she tried to keep silent. 

Sam’s phone started to ring and he cursed. He pulled it out and saw it was Lucifer. “Sorry, have to get this,” he said to Ruby who nodded politely. “Yes?” he answered shortly. There was silence on the line for a long time and Sam wondered if anyone was there or if Lucifer had pocket dialed him. “Hello?” 

“Sam?” Lucifer asked quietly. 

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked. He hated how quickly he just gave in. He was afraid something was wrong, that Lucifer was having a flashback. 

“I,” Lucifer started. “Nothing.” 

“No, look, it’s something or you wouldn’t have called.” 

“It’s nothing, Sam,” Lucifer snapped and then Sam was listening to a dial tone. 

Sam stared at his phone as it changed from the call ended screen to the normal background and then to just black. He pressed the phone to his forehead and just considered his options. He shut his eyes tight. Really, he didn’t have a lot of options. 

“I’m sorry, Ruby,” Sam said. “That was my husband.” 

“Terrible life choices,” Ruby said with a shrug, 

“Yeah, exactly,” Sam said. He stood up and took his money from his pocket, dropping enough credits to pay for four beers, so Ruby could have another. 

“Do you love him?” she asked. 

“Unfortunately,” Sam said. He stopped his restless rustling. “I don’t know what’s wrong, but I need to be sure he’s okay.” 

“You know you would have stopped,” she said when Sam started to turn away. “Right?” 

“I hope I can believe that,” Sam said. “But thank you. Have another beer, on me,” he added and headed to his car.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking a really, really short little vacation. I had a minor surgery, and while I'd normally be all over two projects, I'm taking a little vacation on this one. New updates by Monday at the latest. I am starting a new project, but the vacation's so I can get 3-4 chapters ahead on writing this again. I already have one new chapter written. Have a good weekend.

Lucifer hung up and turned his phone off. He dropped his phone on the sofa. Meg knew not to call him that evening. Turning it off was mostly to keep him from calling Meg and having to admit an unmitigated failure. 

It wasn’t like that day had special meaning. It was just a day. But Lucifer had been planning it for over a week and it was just disappointing that it had failed. He’d even called Dean to ask what Sam’s favorite food was. It turned out to be meat loaf. 

It also turned out to be the one thing Lucifer was amazingly uncomfortable making. Not that it was hard on principle, but it was so far outside of what Lucifer was used to making. He made it once during the day with Meg and could barely eat it. It was literally just a loaf shaped mound of beef. With ketchup on top. 

Yeah. No.

Not that Lucifer had infinite supplies to buy food, but there had to be a better way to make meat loaf. He and Meg had put their heads together for a week, trying to quickly put together something that Lucifer could live with serving Sam. Lucifer wanted to get it done before Sam saw the phone bill and realized that Lucifer had called Dean.

So Lucifer spent an entire week with Meg giving him tips on how to seduce Greek gods, while trying to figure out what spices and vegetables could be chopped up for meat loaf and how much would keep the loaf from sticking together and making homemade sauce. 

Meg had winked at him on her way out that door that day. Sam came home about the same time every day, or he called when he knew he’d be later. So Lucifer had it all planned out perfectly. It was just that Sam was an hour late. 

He probably shouldn’t have called. He’d heard the worry in Sam’s voice. Sam would probably come home quickly, which was just going to make Sam feel guilty. Which was just not what Lucifer wanted that evening. 

He didn’t know where Sam was, though it didn’t sound like the school. Sam was free to do what he wanted, of course. But it hurt Lucifer that Sam hadn’t told him. Maybe Sam had an event with other professors, and Lucifer had messed it up again. 

He sighed heavily and got up, going to put the food away. It was lukewarm at that point anyway. Lucifer felt tired in his bones. He’d just get it cut up quickly and put away and go to bed. Then he wouldn’t have to deal with Sam’s good intentions that evening. It was just that even starting cutting up the stupid loaf of meat seemed like too much trouble.

Lucifer stared at it, only a few slices in, until he heard the keys in the door. Lucifer jumped and started chopping, trying to make up for the work not finished by getting it all finished very quickly. Of course it didn’t work because then Sam was inside. 

“Lucifer?” Sam called. There was worry in his voice. Lucifer winced and kept cutting. 

“Lucifer?” Sam called again, panic edging in his voice. Lucifer felt bad, but he just couldn’t respond. He kept cutting. Sam’s footsteps got louder and faster and then Sam was standing in the door way. “Lucifer,” he said, relief in his voice. 

“Yes, Sam?” Lucifer asked quietly. He got a good look at Sam. He was disheveled. He smelled like cigarettes. 

“Are you okay?” Sam asked gently. 

“Fine,” Lucifer said. He finished cutting up the meat and started to put it away in the Tupperware. 

“Lucifer,” Sam said, getting close. He was close enough that Lucifer could smell beer on his breath. 

“It’s fine, Sam,” Lucifer said. He knew his words were too harsh. He just felt hurt. It wasn’t Sam’s fault that Lucifer couldn’t leave the apartment without Sam. He couldn’t even go out with Meg. It wasn’t Sam’s fault that the only thing Lucifer could do for Sam was cook. Sam had no idea what Lucifer had been doing. Hell, Sam had probably not done anything for himself in a long while and Lucifer apparently ruined that too. 

“Come on, it clearly isn’t,” Sam said. 

Lucifer looked down at the food he was putting away. “I’m sorry, I probably should reheat some of this for you, shouldn’t I?” he asked quietly. 

“What?” Sam asked, clearly taken off guard. “Meat loaf, what?” 

“Dean said it was your favorite,” Lucifer said. He wiped his hands off and went to get a plate. 

Sam’s hand slipped around his wrist, stopping him from getting away. “You made this for me?” Sam’s voice was soft. Lucifer hated that voice so much. It wasn’t like Sam’s pity voice, where it only affected Lucifer. Sam was hurt and Lucifer didn’t want Sam to be hurt. 

“Yeah,” Lucifer said. He just felt too tired. This was a terrible idea. 

“I’m so sorry,” Sam said. He hung his head. 

“Sam, stop, please,” Lucifer said quietly. “I don’t care. I just don’t.” 

“I’m so sorry, I’m just so sorry,” Sam said. He took both Lucifer’s wrists in his hands. Lucifer gripped Sam’s wrists as well, just to remind himself what held him now. 

“Please, just stop apologizing.” This was just not how Lucifer wanted the day to go at all. 

“I messed up, Lucifer,” Sam said. “I was just so mad. Lucifer, I just need to be honest. Look, if you’re in love with Meg, will you just tell me? I’ll do everything I can to help. But I need you to tell me.” 

That threw Lucifer for a loop. Sam looked so worried, not just worried, heartbroken. “What?” Lucifer asked, scrunching up his face in confusion. “You think that I’m in love with Meg?” 

“She’s over here all the time,” Sam said. 

“Yeah, because neither of us have much of a job, or someone who understands,” Lucifer said. He felt energy coming back to him. “And because she was helping me get this together,” he motioned to the meat loaf. “I honestly don’t get why you like this so much. It was a mess trying to make it edible.” 

And then Lucifer realized he shouldn’t have said that, because Sam’s face crumpled completely. Lucifer couldn’t even figure out how to walk to back because there was nothing to apologize for. It was just Sam’s guilt. 

“You put so much work into this. God, Lucifer,” Sam said quietly. 

“No, you’re not allowed to apologize, Sam!” Lucifer snapped. “I don’t need or want to hear it. I didn’t tell you to come home. It’s not your job to live just to come home. It’s fine.” 

“It’s not fine,” Sam moaned. “It’s so not fine.” 

“It’s just meat loaf, it can be reheated,” Lucifer said near panicked. 

“It’s not the meat loaf,” Sam said. “I did something terrible. I was so jealous, Lucifer. I was so mad and I just wanted to get drunk and do something stupid. And I would have too if you hadn’t called.” 

Sam still hand his wrists, at least one of them. Lucifer had pulled a hand away earlier when he was talking. He had trouble now not talking with his hands. Sam looked like a kicked puppy now and Lucifer couldn’t stand it. 

“What happened?” Lucifer asked. 

“I met a woman in a bar, Ruby. She said that I wouldn’t have done it. But I think another drink or two and I would have dragged her to the back. I wanted to. I could see it happening. I was so mad. And it’s so stupid because nothing was happening and I’m just an idiot.” 

Sam sounded so miserable, but Lucifer felt pretty light. Sam hadn’t actually done anything. But Sam was jealous, which meant that Lucifer’s hopes weren’t unfounded. And now he had a chance. And well, Lucifer didn’t consider himself a good person. 

“Alright,” Lucifer said, letting his voice drop a half octave to his serious voice. “Alright. You’re right, you were wrong. But I will forgive you, on one condition.” 

“Anything,” Sam said. He was so eager to fix it. Lucifer had to keep himself from reaching up and stroking Sam’s cheek. 

“There’s something I want, and you can’t tell me no,” Lucifer said. “Not for any reason.” 

“Alright,” Sam said. Either Sam trusted him completely or he just wanted to make it better so much that he agreed without knowing what it was Lucifer wanted from him. An old and unused part of himself tucked that away for future manipulation purposes. 

“Go to the bedroom,” Lucifer said. “Undress, sit on the bed and wait for me.” He pulled away from Sam’s touch. “Sit like how you saw me sit in the Box. I’ll be in when I finish putting the food away.” 

Sam looked nervous. Good. Lucifer really wasn’t happy that Sam had been willing to cheat on them. But it seemed like neither of them were certain if there was a them yet. Lucifer waited, watching Sam until Sam turned and went to the bedroom. 

Lucifer forced himself to go at regular speed while he put the dishes away. He wanted to rush after Sam. His heart was pounding already. He wanted Sam. He’d wanted Sam for a while. He wanted to be like a normal married couple. He didn’t want there to be these questions between them anymore. But if he rushed in he could mess it all up. He needed to calm down. 

He had to force himself to focus on packing up the meat loaf, and spooning potatoes and green beans into bowls and putting everything away. He filled the sink with warm water, dish soap and dishes. He normally did dishes pretty quickly, but he couldn’t patiently wash everything while Sam was waiting for him in the other room. 

He strode with purposeful steps back to the bedroom. He was so pleased that Sam had done what he’d asked. Sam sat on the edge of the bed with his legs spread. His hands were locked behind his head. He looked nervous and was blushing. Lucifer didn’t want Sam in one of those boxes ever. But he thought it only fair to be able to see Sam that vulnerable at least once. 

Lucifer stepped between Sam’s legs and bent down, placing a kiss on Sam’s ear. Sam shivered and Lucifer blew into Sam’s ear just to make him shiver more. “You can put your arms down, Sam, and scoot back a bit,” he instructed. 

Sam did as he was told. His face was still red, and he was watching Lucifer warily. Lucifer dropped to his knees and placed a kiss on Sam’s thigh. He looked up, seeing Sam getting redder. His cock was starting to stir too, which helped to ease some of Lucifer’s nerves. 

“I know I said you couldn’t say no,” Lucifer said. “But I need you to not tell me no. Please. I want to do this. I’ve wanted to. Don’t be a Victorian Knight right now. No chivalry. Just trust me that I won’t push myself to do something I can’t. Please.” 

Sam swallowed. Lucifer couldn’t stop watching him. He wanted to keep Sam. He really wanted to keep Sam. Lucifer’s eyes traced after Sam’s tongue when Sam ran his tongue over his chapped lips. “I trust you,” Sam said softly. The tension dropped out of Lucifer’s shoulders. 

He started kissing up Sam’s thigh. Sam shivered when Lucifer reached the sensitive skin of Sam’s high upper thigh. Lucifer took time to nibble lightly, getting feel for Sam’s skin. Then he just ran his tongue from base to tip up Sam’s penis until it was fully erect. 

Lucifer’s heart was pounding. He saw Sam’s fingers digging into his own leg. Sam’s chest was already rising and falling much heavier than before. Lucifer put his mouth around the tip of Sam’s cock. He swirled his tongue around under the foreskin. He reminded himself that porn stars could deep throat someone because it sold, but it wasn’t necessary. Besides that, Lucifer was tired of having things shoved down his throat. The tip was the most sensitive part and Sam was gasping from just what Lucifer was doing already. 

Lucifer scooched closer. His hands went to Sam’s buttocks, digging his fingers in just to get a good hand hold and control. Sam leaned back, bracing his hands on the bed, panting and biting his lip. Lucifer could see Sam’s eyes were closed when he pulled away. 

Sam’s eyes snapped open. He didn’t say a word, but he made a small, whimpering sound that just shot up Lucifer’s spine. He was getting turned on, which made fear shoot into his heart. He put his mouth back on Sam, licking up and down, tip to base, base to tip. 

Lucifer could hear Sam’s moans. The walls weren’t that thick, and Sam was nothing if not good at keeping quiet. He’d told Lucifer before that with all the traveling it was hard to find time to get off with his brother or dad in the same motel room. Lucifer didn’t mind. Any gasp, or sound that Lucifer won was a victory, but Lucifer didn’t want Sam to feel bad when it was all over. 

Sam lay back on the bed, which was just fine in Lucifer’s book. He straightened himself out so he was higher up and he could reach up and run his hands up Sam’s side. He surprised a laugh out of Sam by tickling his ribs. When Sam pulled his head off the bed to glare at Lucifer, Lucifer just flashed a grin back and kissed the tip of Sam’s cock. After that Sam just lay back and relaxed. 

Lucifer could do anything to Sam then. Sam would give him anything and everything. That when straight to Lucifer’s head and to his own dick. He ignored his own arousal and wrapped his mouth around as much of Sam’s length as he felt comfortable taking, and then just started to suck, running his tongue over the tip and tracing under the foreskin. 

He was part on and off the bed, just like Sam was part on and off. Sam was making noises like words and Lucifer hummed out his pleasure. Sam’s hands grabbed his shoulders and he pulled himself up by that grip. That was about as much warning as Lucifer got. He licked Sam clean, but went to brush his teeth. He’d never liked the taste of semen and honestly swallowing was not high on his list of priorities. 

He did happily strip down to his tee shirt and underwear and crawl into bed next to Sam, who was still looking blissed out, though he’d pulled himself up the rest of the way on the bed. Sam shifted to prop himself up a bit when Lucifer got in bed. 

Lucifer nearly jumped out his skin when Sam’s hand went to his cock, gripping him through his boxers. Lucifer had somehow forgotten that he was still tenting his own shorts. He’d forced himself not to focus on that part, and instead on Sam, which had been wonderful.

“Sam, no,” Lucifer said, gripping Sam’s wrist hard until Sam let go. 

“Why?” Sam demanded, clearly too brain dead to try for a gentle tone. 

“I’ve had enough pleasure wrung of me for a life time. I don’t want anymore.” His voice was harsh, because it was either that or just panic completely. 

“Okay,” Sam said gently. He shook off Lucifer’s hold and instead cupped Lucifer’s face. He pulled Lucifer into a kiss that lasted longer than a chaste goodnight kiss. Then Sam kissed Lucifer’s cheek and threw his arms around Lucifer’s body, pulling Lucifer up against him. 

Lucifer let out a shaky breath and relaxed. This was what he wanted. He could feel the panic and fear still wanting to rise up, and by forcing it down his body just shook. Sam gripped him tighter and wrapped the comforter around them and Lucifer felt safe for the first time in years.


	21. Chapter 21

Sam couldn’t quite make his smile go away. He really needed to go to work, but he’d called in with a migraine for his first two classes so he could stay in bed with Lucifer a little longer. He hadn’t missed any work so far, and in fact had taken on a lot of extra duties. His head hurt a little when he’d woken up, but two pills and a glass of water later he was watching Lucifer make breakfast for them. 

Lucifer was still in his sleeping clothes. Sam couldn’t quite shake the idea that Lucifer still wasn’t ready to be skin to skin with anyone. That Lucifer could do as much as he’d done the previous night made Sam happy. He’d thought Lucifer wouldn’t have been able to do anything like sex for a long while, especially after his panic attack in the parking lot of their apartment. 

Sam just wanted to kiss him again. He hadn’t expected it at all. Of course Sam had been thinking that Lucifer wanted Meg, but really, Sam hadn’t even thought that Lucifer wanted him at all. Lucifer had said he’d wanted to keep Sam on the airplane. But Lucifer had made no other indication that he actually wanted Sam. Lucifer slept on Sam, but that was because Lucifer needed someone to sleep by. Lucifer made Sam meals, but only because Lucifer didn’t have anything else to do. Sam could easily explain all of it away. Even what Lucifer said in the air plane could have been Lucifer trying to find control overh is own life. 

Lucifer caught his eye and smiled. Sam smiled back. He really, really wanted to kiss Lucifer. Not even a little bit. He wanted to grab Lucifer and kiss him like men did to women in old movies where their foot would pop up. As stupid as the image looked in Sam’s mind it didn’t make him laugh. It made him want to drag Lucifer back to bed. 

And really, Sam shouldn’t be able to be that happy. He’d been planning on cheating on Lucifer. But the first thing Lucifer had done when they’d woken up that morning was growl in Sam’s ear that he would bite him if he apologized one more time. 

Fuck it. When Lucifer set his plate down in front of him Sam grabbed Lucifer’s shirt and pulled him down into a kiss. 

“You’re needy this morning,” Lucifer said. Sam caught an odd look in Lucifer’s eyes and suddenly Sam’s stomach dropped out. 

“Are you okay?” Sam asked. 

“Sam, for the love of God!” Lucifer snapped, slamming his own plat down on the table. “Can’t we just be happy for like a minute? I just want to enjoy breakfast with my husband like a normal married couple would. I don’t want you to jump every time I move like I’m your abuser or something. So will you just stop? You trusted me to be fine last night.” 

“Because you scared the crap out of me,” Sam said. 

“You don’t need to make fun of me,” Lucifer said, going to pour juice and get them forks. 

“I’m not. Lucifer, you freaked me out. I have no idea what you were going to do. I had no idea-” He stopped and blushed, remembered Lucifer’s face when he came in. He looked like a wolf who’d cornered a lamb. “I couldn’t imagine that you wanted me.” 

“And I wasn’t certain you wanted me until you told me how jealous you were,” Lucifer admitted. He sat down juice and a fork for Sam and then for himself. Then he sat down in his chair at their tiny ass kitchen table that was really only made for one and a half people. 

“I know you said you’d bite me,” Sam started. 

“Sam, please,” Lucifer said. He only sounded exasperated. “I know you’re sorry. You feel guilty. I’m pretty certain that guilty is your default setting. I was annoyed yesterday, but you did what I asked and I’m not mad anymore. I’m happy.” 

“Happy?” Sam asked. 

Lucifer smiled and Sam felt like his heart skipped a beat. This was what he’d dreamed about when Lucifer was still locked up. He’d dreamed about breakfasts and quiet admissions, and Lucifer looking really truly, purely happy. 

“I know there’s a lot of pain that I’ve had to deal with. I would have said yes to anyone to get out of there. But it couldn’t have been anyone else but you, because no one else but you would do everything you’ve done for me. I want you, Sam. I want you writhing right off the bed from how I touch you. I want you screaming and I want you whimpering. I want to kiss you when you’re done and I want you to hold me like you did last night. I want all of those things, not because I owe you or whatever stupid fear you have. I want it because I want it. And I figure if I don’t spell it out for you that we’ll dancing around each other for a millennia, and I’m tired of waiting.” 

It was Sam’s turn to smile. He smiled wider than Lucifer, but then he didn’t have twelve years of Hell to wear away his smiles to nothing. Sam took a bite of his omelet and let out an appreciative little moan. Lucifer chuckled and started into his breakfast.

For a little while they just ate in companionable silence. Something deep in Sam’s heart thrummed when he realized that these quiet moments were what Lucifer wanted too. Them, together. That was it. And Sam couldn’t believe his luck that he got to have that. 

“You know,” Sam said slowly. “I know you said you can’t, and I’m willing to wait… but all those things you said, I want those too, with you. I mean, I want to do the same to you.” 

“No,” Lucifer said. Sam found it shockingly definite. 

“Maybe with some time,” Sam hedged. 

“No,” Lucifer said again. He took a sip of his juice. 

“No?” Sam asked. “I mean, you’ll have eventually have to-”

“And I’ll take care of it myself,” Lucifer snapped. “Sam, please. I can’t, I just can’t. I don’t want to, and I get to choose, so please, don’t make me. I don’t want to do it.” Lucifer’s voice started to raise in volume and speed. He sounded panicked in a way Sam hadn’t expected to hear from him, because it was so out of control, and Lucifer started to take deep breaths that weren’t doing anything

Sam reached across the table quickly and grabbed Lucifer’s hands. He squeezed until Lucifer gasped in pain, but his breathing started to go back to normal. 

“I won’t make you, Lucifer,” Sam said once Lucifer looked away. He hated Lucifer’s shame. It was the worst. “I’m never going to make you.” 

“Thank you,” Lucifer said quietly. He went back to eating, but his movements were different. Before there had been an energy. Now Lucifer’s body seemed to slump more. His movements were slower and it was like every move took too much time, and his bodies weighed too much.

Sam got up and got his phone. “Hey, Ethel, it’s Sam. I know I said I’d be coming in, but my headache’s gotten worse. I’ll email my students later. I’m sorry. Thank you,” he said and hung up. 

Lucifer was looking at him when he turned around. Sam smiled a little. “Hey, how about we finish eating, and I wash the dishes and then we go back to bed?” 

“You’ll break things if I let you wash them,” Lucifer said with a shrug. His movements didn’t look so heavy though. 

“Well, I can try,” Sam offered. 

“You can get the bed warm for me,” Lucifer said. “You are my pretty little boy, after all.” 

Sam scowled and Lucifer chuckled. Sam gave up. He reached across the table and entwined his fingers with Lucifer. They needed and easy day, desperately.


	22. Chapter 22

Lucifer had never liked paying bills. He liked it even less when he didn’t have any money. It wasn’t like they didn’t have money enough to pay their normal bills, and split for debt. But it was completely disheartening to Lucifer to look at everything and do all the math, only to realize how much long it was going to take him to pay everything off. 

He wondered if maybe he shouldn’t call Raphael or Gabriel and ask for a loan, just long enough to get his bank account unfrozen. But that would open up a whole can of worms he wasn’t certain he was ready to deal with. It involved a lot of questions like: “why didn’t you come for me?” and “why didn’t you tell Michael to stop” or even things as simple as “how’s business” and “how have you been?” 

Lucifer didn’t want to deal with any of it. 

“So what are you looking at, exactly?” Meg asked. She was lounging on the soda, her legs in Lucifer’s lap. He would absentmindly rub her leg, just liking the feeling of closeness to another human being and the texture of her jeans. 

“A huge mess,” Lucifer said. 

“You know, a lot of this would go away if one of you would just go in,” Meg said. 

“Yeah, I’m not going back in for anything, and I’d probably shoot myself before I let that happen to Sam,” Lucifer said through gritted teeth. He wasn’t mad at her. She’d taken the option and for her she’d seen it as acceptable. But Lucifer knew he’d probably lose himself completely if he went back in, and more than he didn’t want to go back, he didn’t want Sam there. Sam was his. He didn’t share Sam like that. At least that was the argument Lucifer was going to start with if Sam ever suggested it. 

Not that Lucifer hadn’t thought of it, because he completely had. Meg probably knew it. He was sort of angry that she’d said it, but he was smart enough to know she was making him tell himself why it wasn’t an option. They’d just have to take the long way out and actually pay it. 

“I need a job,” Lucifer said. 

“One you can do from your apartment… what to be a telemarketer?” Meg asked. 

“Not particularly,” Lucifer said. “But it’s starting to look like my only option.” 

“Well, it’ll at least get you dealing with people again,” Meg said. She moved her legs out of his lap and stood up. Lucifer watched her stand. She was very pretty, and he liked the curves on her. She was all circles, which he found appealing on a woman. Lucifer wanted to meet Ruby more than a little bit, just so he could see what type of woman Sam liked. 

“Yeah, but over the phone is different. It can just bully them into doing what I want,” Lucifer muttered. 

“Well, it’ll still be better than you sitting around here doing nothing. I can’t imagine how you’re not stir crazy yet,” she said, heading to the kitchen. “I’m getting a popsicle, you want one?” 

“Yeah, grab me one,” Lucifer said. He looked back down at his bills. They weren’t in danger of going under, it was just going to take a hellishly long time to get it all sorted out. “Whoever came up with the idea of debt needs to burn in hell.” 

Meg laughed. She dropped a fudgesicle in Lucifer’s hand. She always opted for the ones that had fruit frozen in them. Sometimes Lucifer did too, but he kept a stash of really bad for you sugary ones in the back of the freezer for days when he had a headache. 

“Meg, can you do me a favor?” Lucifer asked as he started to unwrap his. 

“Like you haven’t asked me for a hundred already,” Meg said. 

Lucifer raised one eyebrow. “Like I didn’t get you your current apartment and get all your money and stuff back from our current landlord.” 

“You’re going to keep holding that overhead, aren’t you?” she grumped. 

“Only because you’re complaining so I’ll say it. I know you would be here if you didn’t want to be and you wouldn’t do what I asked if you didn’t want to.” 

Meg’s face split into a smile and she shook her head. “How is it that you know me better than any other person I’ve ever met, including my mother?” 

“Because I actually listen when you tell me things,” Lucifer said before putting his popsicle in his mouth. 

“So, what is it that you want?” Meg asked, also sucking on her pop. 

“I told you about Sam’s bar friend,” Lucifer said. “I want you to find her and bring her back here.” 

“Seriously?” Meg asked before she started to laugh. “You’re that paranoid that you want me to run off to a bar looking for a woman that you only know by her first name, which is Ruby, and locate her so you can check out your competition.” 

“Yes,” Lucifer said. Because why deny it. 

“Okay,” Meg said with a shrug. “I’ll see what I can do.” 

Lucifer smiled a little and tugged her close. He brushed a bit of her hair out of the way and kissed her temple. “Thank you.” 

Meg smiled and threw he legs back into Lucifer’s lap. “Now, let’s see about getting you a job.” 

“Way to ruin the moment,” Lucifer said, but he grabbed for the want ads anyway.


	23. Chapter 23

Meg really liked Lucifer. Not in the “I want to jump his bones” kind of way. Because that was clearly not going to be happening. No, she liked the soft touches he gave, the way he grumbled without coffee, complained about his back, touched her for no reason. She liked to talk to him and to listen to him talk. She even liked it when he gushed about Sam Winchester. Although she was pretty certain that Sam wasn’t good enough for him; a small, nearly dead, but highly romantic part of her liked how much Lucifer loved Sam. 

She was still amazingly pissed at Sam for trying to cheat on Lucifer. Although Lucifer didn’t see it as cheating, and whatever hurt he’d felt he was happy to forgive because Sam was apparently a guilty sack of shit, and neither of them had understood how much they wanted each other. Their life was too much like a Hallmark movie to suit Meg’s tastes. 

But she did like Lucifer. He was cunning and vicious about what he wanted, and funny and caring. He was standoffish from fear but when he opened up she found him to be as desperate for love and affection as the rest of the human race. Their friendship made her happy. 

Which was more than enough reason for Meg to be on her current mission. Lucifer maybe could have done it through phone calls. Meg was learning that there was little Lucifer couldn’t do with a phone in his hand. But she was an in person kind of gal. She flirted, she threatened, she just asked around until she got the phone number of the girl she was looking for. 

Which was why she was waiting in some bar, sipping a rum and coke. The bartender would occasionally tell her a story or something to keep her amused during her wait. She’d come early, because she found that she didn’t mind people watching when she could actually hear what they said. 

“Are you Meg Masters?” a woman asked. 

Meg turned around, seeing a very pretty young woman standing behind her in jeans and plaid. “You Ruby?” 

“Yeah,” she said. She spoke and stood stiffly. “What do you want?” 

“Do you want something?” Meg asked. 

“Look, I’d prefer to just get this out of the way,” the woman said. Meg smirked. 

“You think I’m trying to blackmail you or something?” 

“You went to an awful lot of trouble to get my number,” Ruby said. 

“Yeah, but not for anything bad… probably,” Meg said. “Look, my friend asked me to find you. He’d a paranoid idiot, but I love him. Just sit down, this isn’t bad, I swear. In fact, it mind wind up being hilarious.” 

“For who?” Ruby asked, but she sat down anyway.

“Both of us if you have the right sense of humor,” Meg said. “Get her a rum and coke too,” she said to the bartender. 

“What is this?” Ruby asked. 

“My friend, you see, he’s married to this guy, and this guy decided to be an idiot and go out flirting with women because he didn’t think his husband wanted him. So the idiot goes to a bar a few weeks ago and meets you.” 

“Oh God,” Ruby said. 

“Yeah, so he comes home without doing anything except drinking a little and being stupid. Well he admits everything. And my friend, who’s still an idiot, is just happy because it means his husband actually wants him. Long story short they finally get down to sexy times, but my friend’s worried about what you look like if his husband was so attracted to you. He’d like to meet you.” 

“You’re trying to set me up on a play date with the husband of the man I almost slept with?” Ruby asked, sipping her drink. The tension had gone out of her body. 

“You have to admit, it is pretty funny,” Meg said. 

“And you did all this cause he asked?” Ruby asked. “You sure you’re not in love with him?” 

Meg snorted. “Guy’s hot, but I’m so happy not to even have sex fantasy’s for the next year, and he’s hung up on the Greek God he married, and he’s also terrifying. I might have been attracted, but I’d much rather be the friend than the idiot who would even think of breaking those two up.” 

“That sounds healthier,” Ruby said. “Why does he want to meet me?” 

“He’s afraid you’re hotter than him. Which you are. But if you charm him enough I’m hoping he’ll invite you to stay for dinner and then your presence will make Sam squirm.” 

Ruby smiled. “You do have a wicked sense of humor.” 

“Have to,” Meg said, sipping her drink. “Look, Lucifer is a good guy though he thinks he isn’t. He’s not going to hurt you or anything. He’s just worried.” 

“If he’s so worried, why didn’t he come find me?” Ruby asked. 

“He can’t,” Meg said. 

“What, is he missing a limb or something?” Ruby asked like a joke. 

“No, he can’t go outside without Sam,” Meg said. 

“Why?” Ruby asked. Meg could practically see her spinning all kinds of terrible scenarios, probably involving Sam keeping Lucifer locked in the house. 

“Sam told Lucifer who told me that you were in one of the Watch Boxes,” Meg said. She saw Ruby stiffen and then opened her mouth to speak. “So was I,” Meg said. 

“Really?” Ruby asked in almost relief. 

“Yeah, it’s how I met Lucifer and Sam. The jack ass who runs the apartment complex I used to give in gave my apartment to them instead. Lucifer sorted it out for him,” Meg explained. 

“Oh, that’s good. I’m glad it worked out for you,” Ruby said. 

“Yeah, but the only reason why Lucifer could do that was that he already knew about the bureaucratic nightmare that is recovering stuff after a Box stint.” 

“Was he?” Ruby asked. Meg nodded. “When?” 

“Until recently,” Meg said. “For twelve years.” 

“Oh God,” Ruby whispered, going pale. “Oh God, I though a year when I was 19 was horrible that’s just…” 

“It’s why they got married,” Meg explained. “So Sam could get him out. Their relationship is a complicated mess. But what it really boils down to is that Lucifer doesn’t do well with crowds. I can’t even get him out of his apartment for anything.” 

“Well, damn,” Ruby said. She took a big gulp of her drink. Meg did the same, finishing hers off.

“Yeah, so I ask that you come meet him tomorrow. Any time will do, but before five is good,” Meg said. 

“Sure,” Ruby said. “Is he okay?” 

“Don’t pull pity on him, it makes him sour,” Meg said. “He’s dealing with it. I’ll take that as a good sign.” 

“Okay,” Ruby said. “Now I’ve got to meet him,” she said with a smile. “Got to be really something to survive twelve years.” 

“I know,” Meg said. “He really is.”


	24. Chapter 24

“Why is she coming so late, again?” Lucifer asked. 

“Because she has work like a normal adult,” Meg snapped. Okay, that was a bad thing to do. Lucifer didn’t want to be trapped inside all day. She was just tired of him asking her. “Sorry,” she said quickly. 

“No, you’re right,” Lucifer said. 

“You got the job,” Meg pointed out. 

“Not because I wanted it or anything,” Lucifer said. 

It was just a telemarketer job. On commission, which was good for Lucifer, because he was definitely going to make a lot more on commission. Of course he wasn’t happy: it was humiliating when he’d done something that let him afford those crazy sexy suits he liked to walk around in.

“You’ve got crazy phone skills,” Meg said. “You’re going to be kicking ass and taking names at this job. They might even promote you if you keep selling stuff.” 

“I doubt that,” Lucifer said. “That would involve having to actually be able to leave the house.” The bitterness was thick in his voice. 

“I’d have slit my own throat if I’d been in there was long as you. I would have killed myself within a week. You’re still here. You can talk to people.”

“Only one and one and on the phone,” Lucifer said. 

“Lucifer, I can’t talk to people on the phone. It’s really uncomfortable for me and it always has been. I’d kill someone to be able to talk with people like you do on the phone. Don’t discount that. And don’t discount where you are already. It’s slow progress, but it’s progress.” 

“It’s just frustrating,” Lucifer finally said. He got up and went back to the kitchen, stirring the sauce for the spaghetti. 

“It’s frustrating for all of us,” Meg said, standing back so Lucifer could work. 

“No,” Lucifer said. “I mean… Sam wants to have sex.” 

“I thought you did that,” Meg said. 

“Yeah, but, not like what he wants.” 

Meg bristled. “Is he pressuring you into something?” 

“He wants to touch me. He wants to get me off. I don’t even want to touch myself, and he wants to touch me in a way I have no control of. I can’t, I just can’t. But I feel like I’m kicking a puppy when I tell him no, except that I also can’t breathe when the topic comes up.” 

Meg hugged him. Lucifer stopped the nervous movements he’d been making and relaxed into his hold. He slowly wrapped his arms around her and just held her in return. She was already wondering how best to talk to Sam, since he didn’t seem to like her much. 

“He wants to not feel like he’s taking advantage of you,” Meg said. 

“I know,” Lucifer groaned.

“But Lucifer, even if I had a guy I really liked, I don’t think I’d want to touch him at all. I told you. There’s a lot of progress. Look, maybe one day he can touch you. But it’s not today, and maybe it’s never. But if he doesn’t see that no means no, then he’s not worth it.” 

“He understands ‘No’. Sam’s overbearing chivalry isn’t the problem in this case. The problem is that he doesn’t believe that my ‘No’ doesn’t just mean ‘Not Now’, but ‘Never’. I don’t want to get his hopes up. And worse is that I don’t want him to except something of me and feel cheated when I can’t deliver.” 

“If that’s what happens then he’s not worth it,” Meg said, pulling away from the hug. “But is it really never?” 

“It might be,” Lucifer said. “It feels like it means ‘Never’. I don’t want it to be ‘Never’. But I don’t want him to think that it’s a ‘Someday’, where he might think ‘Someday’ means a few years from now. I don’t want him to wait for something and turn away when the time limit in his head runs out.” 

“I’ll say it again,” Meg started. 

“Yeah, I know,” Lucifer snapped. 

Meg was ready to retort, but there was a knock on the door and she went to answer. “Just in time,” she said to Ruby when she answered the door. Ruby was dressed in jeans and flannel, like she was meant to stand next to Sam Winchester, who seemed to like plaid with an unhealthy fetish. 

“Sorry I’m a bit late,” Ruby said. “We had a rush at that last hour and my relief was late arriving.” Ruby looked past Meg and smiled. “You must be Lucifer.” 

“I am,” Lucifer said. Meg moved out of the way so she could watch. Ruby and Lucifer crossed the apartment and grasped each other’s hands in a firm shake. Ruby was smaller than Lucifer with a warm smile. Standing next to Lucifer Meg could see how Lucifer could be scared. Ruby could probably hit ‘Ice Bitch’ really easily. But there had a warmth to her, a life that Lucifer didn’t have. Lucifer was cold and hard in comparison. Meg could practically see all the unflattering comparisons that Lucifer was pulling up in his mind. 

“it’s a pleasure to meet you,” Ruby said. She glanced at meg and smiled. “I’ve heard about you. 

“Nothing bad I hope,” Lucifer said. 

“Not really,” Ruby said. “What I have heard is quite impressive.” 

“I’m going to guess Meg told you things,’ Lucifer said. 

“Got it in one. Though your husband told me a little.” 

Lucifer licked his lips. Meg had been watching him long enough to know when he looked nervous. “What did he say?” 

“that he loved you,” Ruby said. “He seems like a good guy, so I think that means a lot.” 

Lucifer offered a gentle smile. “He is very good.” 

“It’s nice to see you love him too,” Ruby said. 

“For the record, I don’t think he’s so good,” Meg said. 

“Your opinion is invalid,” Lucifer said. “Would you mind if we moved this discussion to the kitchen? I want to be certain nothing burns.” 

“Sure,” Ruby said with a smile. 

Meg smiled and got back off the sofa, following them to the little kitchen. She stood off to the side and watched Lucifer work.


	25. Chapter 25

Sam could hear the sound of laughter when he opened the door. This time it was more than two voices. That made Sam relax. Lucifer was making friends. He couldn’t but feel proud. Maybe give himself a little pat on the back. Lucifer was doing better. Sam didn’t think that Lucifer wouldn’t have set backs, but so far so good. 

“I’m home,” Sam said. 

“Dinner in five,” Lucifer called. His voice dropped back into a softer tone before the apartment filled with both masculine and feminine laughter. Sam grinned and went back to the bedroom. He dropped his briefcase and changed into jeans and button up. He felt better, just padding around in his bare feet, but not being trapped n a suit was wonderful. 

Sam walked out. He both wanted to find Lucifer and hug him, and he wanted to find out who the third voice was. He meant to stride into the kitchen, but he stuttered to a stop in the door way. Lucifer was busy fixing plates and didn’t seem to notice him for a moment, but he was listening to a story Meg was telling. Meg was trying to squeeze enough space for three people at Sam’s way too small kitchen table. These two things were fine. What made Sam halt was Ruby, who was moving around getting drinks together like she was very happy and well versed with the kitchen. 

“Ruby?” Sam asked. 

Ruby looked up and flashed Sam a smile. “Nice to see you again, Sam.” 

“Sam, tell me if this tastes right,” Lucifer said, he blew on one of the long spoons, which had a bit of sauce on it before offering it to Sam. Sam took a taste. His mind was somewhere between being amused by Lucifer’s fussy perfectionist habits over dinner and horrified that the woman he’d nearly cheated with was helping to set the table. 

“It’s good,” Sam said. 

“Don’t just say that because you’re distracted, Sam,” Lucifer scolded. 

“Lucifer, it’s good,” Sam said. “Calm down.” 

“You know,” Ruby said. “I see what you meant. They just sort of click, don’t they?” 

“I know, sickening, isn’t it?” Meg asked. 

“Here, take yours and Ruby’s plates to the table,” Lucifer said, offering Meg the plates, which she took to the table. She’d pulled it away from the wall and set its little wing extensions back up so it was a round table fit for four people, instead of the pill shaped table that sat him and Lucifer most mornings. 

“Why is… Lucifer, what?” Sam asked. 

“I wanted to meet her,” Lucifer said. “Meg found her for me. She’s quite lovely. I can see why you were interested.” 

“You flatter me,” Ruby said with a wink. She took he seat across from Meg. 

“Go, sit,” Lucifer ordered. Sam sat down, putting himself as much out of the way as he could when Lucifer brought their plates to the table. 

Lucifer sat down across from him and smiled. It wasn’t sweet or loving. It was wicked. Sam narrowed his eyes. Of course Lucifer wouldn’t just let him get away with it. He didn’t want Sam to apologize anymore, but that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t have his revenge. Jackass. 

“You boys say grace before you eat, or can we just dig in?” Ruby asked. 

“Eat as you wish,” Lucifer said. Sam watched Lucifer twirl his fork into his plate of spaghetti, carefully extracting a bite, which he ate in an almost pornographic way: sucking in the noodles he’d missed, wiping the red sauce off his chin with his thumb and then licking his thumb. He kept eye contact with Sam the whole time. 

“What’s wrong, are you not hungry?” Lucifer asked. 

“No, just thinking,” Sam said. He took a bit of the food. He had to hold back a little happy moan. Lucifer knew how to make good food, and he just seemed to improve since he had time at home to practice. But Sam didn’t want to just give in. 

“About what?” Lucifer asked. 

“Eh, a project I’m working on with one of my colleagues. I might need to stay late a few days here and there until we get it done,” Sam said. Well, that wasn’t exactly how he wanted to tell Lucifer that, but it was as good a time as any. 

“Really?” Lucifer asked. “Someone I know?” 

“No,” Sam said. “She works in the Physical Education department.” 

Lucifer’s eyebrows furrowed. “What kind of project can you possibly be working on?” 

“Cross-departmental work,” Sam said, shaking his head with a heavy sigh. He really hated cross departmental projects. No one worked exactly the same way or had the same set of standards. It was always a mess. 

“What does PE have to do with Law?” Meg asked. 

“A surprising amount,” Ruby interjected. “There’s Sports Medicine, but also a complex legal background between insurance, contracts, negotiations, health forms, agents. Then because of the rising number of injuries there are more and more people who are trying to press for legal regulations.” 

“Yeah,” Sam said, sounding surprised. 

Ruby rolled her eyes. “Don’t look so surprised. I was studying to go to Law School before I figured out no one was going to hire me. Doesn’t mean I don’t keep up. Say, is this about that school boxing case?” 

“I wish,” Sam said with a wistful sigh. “Dr. Saunders, the woman who I’m working with. She is doing and article on that case with someone in my department. It’s part of a larger paper the two of them are working on about safety regulations in League Sports versus School Sports. But that’s not what I’m working on.” 

“Then what are you working on?” Lucifer asked. 

Sam smiled, consciously using his most infuriating smile. “It’s a secret,” he said. 

“Really?” Lucifer asked. 

“I tell you when it’s finished, but for now it’s strictly on a need to know basis,” Sam said. He really did need to keep it a secret, but he was sort of happy for a reason to annoy Lucifer after this. 

“You think you to could mind not eye-fucking over dinner?” Meg asked. 

Sam blushed and looked down at his food. Meg and Ruby giggled and Sam felt his ears go red. He focused on his dinner after that. Ruby and Meg made quiet conversation, with Lucifer adding something occasionally. Surprisingly it was just very pleasant. 

“Anyway,” Ruby said once she’d put her plate in the sink. “This really was very enjoyable. Now that I have your number I’m going to have to stop by more often. It’s odd for me to meet nice people.” 

“Agreed,” Meg said. “Most people tend to suck more than they should.” 

“You’re welcome,” Lucifer said, collecting his and Sam’s plate. 

“Look, I need to go home. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow. But, I have a suggestion. I know a guy who’s trying to get his bar opened. So far there aren’t too many people, so he keeps begging me to come and bring people. How about we all go this Friday?” 

“That sounds good,” Sam said before he could stop himself. And then he just made it worse by adding: “My brother and I used to hit a bar every week. It’s been a while. They have a pool table?” 

“Really?” Lucifer asked. 

“I, yeah, Luc-” Sam started. 

“Sure, it sounds fine,” Lucifer said. 

“Great!” Ruby said. “And yeah, Sam, they do have a pool table. Look, I really got to get out of here, but I’ll send you guys information later in the week.” 

“I better head home too,” Meg said. “I’ve got a disgustingly early morning. Night boys,” she said. 

“Night,” Sam said, watching the women walk out. He turned to look at Lucifer. 

“Sam, don’t apologize,” Lucifer said, rubbing his hand over his face. 

“I wasn’t,” Sam said. 

“And don’t ask me if I’m certain,” Lucifer said, sending a sour look Sam’s way. 

“I was going to tell you I’ve been an idiot,” Sam said. 

“What else is new?” Lucifer asked. 

“Hey,” Sam said. He began to lower the wings on the table to put it back to normal while Lucifer started washing dishes. 

“What’d you do?” Lucifer asked, but there was more affection in his voice than anything else. 

“I really did used to go out with Dean at least once a week, even after he got back. And I used to go out every Saturday when I first moved here. I was going to say I’ve been stupid because I haven’t asked if you wanted to go out. I just assumed you couldn’t or didn’t want to deal with it. And then after the thing with Ruby I didn’t want to even think about going out.” 

Lucifer was silent for a long moment. Sam began to put the spaghetti, left over bread and noodles away. He really was bad at dishes, but he was fine with putting things away and he didn’t like making Lucifer do everything. 

“I forgive you,” Lucifer said. “And I do want to go on Friday. I also do like Ruby.” 

“I do too,” Sam said after a thoughtful moment. Ruby was nice, funny, quite smart, and really hot. 

“You sure you don’t like her more?” Lucifer asked. Sam thought maybe Lucifer was joking, but he kissed Lucifer’s cheek and nuzzled close to him. 

“I love you most,” Sam said. He grinned when Lucifer blushed. He nipped Lucifer’s ear and laughed when Lucifer glared at him. “Come on, let’s get this done and go to bed. I want to kiss you all over.” 

“Sam,” Lucifer said like a warning. 

“You tell me if I get anywhere near too far and I’ll stop. Nothing below the belt. Though I can’t promise I won’t tickle you.” 

“Sam,” Lucifer said like a stronger warning, but his lips twitched in a near smile. 

Sam just smiled and went back to getting the food put away.


	26. Chapter 26

Lucifer felt good when he woke up. Sam had spent a lot of time kissing and tickling his stomach. Lucifer couldn’t remember laughing so much. It seemed that tickling didn’t trigger anything. And when they’d finished Sam had wrapped his arms around him and just went to sleep. Lucifer had been able to fall asleep knowing that Sam wasn’t going to leave and try to sleep on his couch. 

He felt like he was really married. He remembered back before the Box, when he’d been thinking about that he should marry someday. He’d just never really thought about who. Well, he had, but he’d assumed hot man or woman who ran in their same circles, maybe someone from another country with dark skin and a nice accent. He’d also considered the pre-nuptial and the statistics on divorce. He’d always knew he’d get married, but he also thought he’d be divorced at least twice. 

His life wasn’t what he’d have. But honestly, if he and Sam did get a divorce Lucifer would be willing to give Sam half of everything he had, just because Sam got him out. Also because Sam deserved at least half of everything Lucifer had. He deserved all of it, really. But Lucifer couldn’t get to any of it yet. When he did he was going to buy Sam new suits and a nice house with a yard and a dog. He’d buy commission Dean and Bobby for a line of custom cars so they could both buy themselves nicer houses. He’d get Ruby a job working for him, and not just a secretary. Meg too if she turned out to be qualified. But Meg deserved a house too. 

Lucifer didn’t know what his financials looked like since everything was locked up with debt. But one day he would be able to reach his assets again. He had been dreading that time. But now he was a little excited. It wasn’t about diamond cuff links. It was about that he had people who liked him. Ruby and Meg didn’t know how much he’d been worth. Sam had only some idea. Dean probably didn’t either. Lucifer had never even met Bobby, but Sam talked about him with such care that Lucifer wanted to buy the guy a boat just because. 

But first he had to earn enough to pay his debt. Then he’d worry about everything else. First thing was doing his job. The company he’d gotten the job with had sent him a PDF with the week’s product. The company just found the callers and paid them. All he needed was Sam’s computer and a phone. He would call people, read off the script, take down an order or not and go to the next person on the list. 

This week’s product was toner for corporate printers. He read over the script and looked over the product information. Then he’d actually researched the product a little more before he started. He didn’t do well with scripts. 

“Hello?” the woman on the line said. 

“Good morning,” Lucifer said, smiling like she could see it. “I’m Luke, calling on behalf of Better Toner World. Am I speaking with the supply manager?” 

“I don’t think we need toner,” the woman said. 

“Are you the supply manager?” Lucifer asked again a little more insistent. 

“No,” the woman said. 

“Do you mind if I ask your name?” 

“Why?” the woman sounded defensive. 

“It’s just nice to know who I’m speaking to.” 

“Janice,” the woman said. “You said your name was Luke.” 

“You have a good memory,” Lucifer said. 

“Thank you,” Janice said. 

“Do you mind telling me who your supply manager is?” Lucifer asked. 

“Tim, Tim Johnson,” Janice said. 

“Would you mind connecting me to him?” Lucifer asked. 

“I really don’t think we need toner,” Janice said. 

He nearly smirked, but kept his kind smile firmly in place. It was easier to keep a nice tone in his voice if he allowed his face and body to be relaxed. Still, he could hear her wavering. She wanted to hang up, but she probably didn’t want to be impolite. 

“That’s fine,” Lucifer said. “But there’s also the possibility that you might need toner or will need it soon. I’d just like a chance to present my company’s product for consideration.” 

“You work on commission, don’t you?” Janice asked. He could hear her smile. 

“Guilty,” Lucifer said. 

“Okay,” Janice said. “I’m not going to connect you to Tim, but to Sarah Brown in purchasing. If you can convince her then Tim will fill out the paper work so it’s all ok with corporate.” 

“Thank you, Janice,” Lucifer said. “You’ve been a big help.” 

“Good luck,” the woman said. 

Lucifer waited for a few minutes before another woman picked up. This one’s voice was deeper. “Hello?” 

“Good morning,” Lucifer said. “Am I speaking with Sarah Brown?” 

“Speaking,” the woman said. 

“Would you prefer if I call you Sarah or Miss Brown?” Lucifer asked. 

“Sarah. I haven’t been Miss Brown in years,” the woman said. 

“Married?” Lucifer asked, humming a bit. 

“Nah, just got old,” the woman said with a little laugh. Lucifer chuckled as well. 

“Oh, I know. It’s the worst. You wake up and look in the mirror and you swear you looked all young and pretty the last time you looked in the mirror.” 

Sarah laughed for real. “I know,” she said. “Well, you certainly are the most entertaining telemarketer I’ve gotten in a while, Mister Luke.” 

“Lucifer,” Lucifer corrected. “Lucifer Winchester.” 

“You told Janice your name was Luke.” 

“Yes, but Luke tests better across all age groups in the continental United States,” Lucifer said with an over played whine. 

Sarah chuckled. “You have a point there. Does your wife like your name, Mr. Winchester?” 

“You can call me Lucifer.” 

“Not from my cubicle,” the woman said. 

“And my husband does like my name,” Lucifer said. “Or at least he just likes to chant it when I’ve got my tongue on him.” 

Sarah laughed warmly. “Oh, you are wicked,” she said. 

“I could tell you’d appreciate it,” Lucifer said with a smile. 

“Does your husband know you’re telling stories on him, Mr. Winchester?” 

“He’ll live,” Lucifer said. “So, may I tell you about my product?” 

“Janice said you were selling toner,” Sarah said, shifting into a business voice. 

“From the Better Toner World company,” Lucifer said with agreement in his tone. 

“Well, here’s the deal,” Sarah said. “We are going to be needing more toner soon, but we do buy with another company.” 

“Tell me,” Lucifer said. “Do you like dealing with this company? Do you have trouble with their product or with your service?” 

“Of course,” Sarah said. 

“Then how much worse can Better Toner World be?” Lucifer asked. “What company do your order from?” 

“Ty Business supplies,” Sarah said.

“Give me just a second,” Lucifer said. He hit Ctrl+F on the PDF, finding the stats on Ty Business supplies. “Yep, I see here that Ty has a C+ rating from the Better Business Bureau. Better Toner World has an A-. Better Toner World only supplies toner, I know that Ty does a lot of different supplies. Do you buy wholesale from Ty for other supplies?” 

“We used to,” Sarah said. “But we switched over everything but toner.” 

“How come?” Lucifer asked. 

“Tim got a good deal,” Sarah said. 

“So if you’re not satisfied with their product or their service, why don’t you switch?” Lucifer asked. 

“Okay,” Sarah said. “You win.” 

“Good,” Lucifer said with a smile. “Now, how much will you be needing?” 

“Well,” we have five floors, and seven large printer/copiers, the standard HP Business Class, you know the one.” 

“Yes I do,” Lucifer said, starting to punch in the order. “Personal printers?” 

“About thirty of those,” Sarah said. “So I’m going to need about three hundred sets of black and white and color for those and two hundred for color and black for the HP BCs.” 

“Good,” Lucifer said. The company’s information was already there, all he had to do was hit enter. “That’s everything.” 

“This was been pleasant,” Sarah said. “You work for Better Toner World?” 

“No,” Lucifer said. “They’re just my company’s client of the week.” 

“You actually know anything about the product you’re selling?” 

“I know the people in my old office used to find Ty products frustrating and unwieldy, and one of them blew ink all over one of my suits. So I’m not a fan.” 

“You used to work in an office?” Sarah asked. 

“The economy’s not the best,” Lucifer said with a shrug. 

“Word, brother,” the woman said with heavy sarcasm. “So look, I like you. If you get another product you think is any good you can call me, even if we already use the company, I might see if we can put in a bigger order.” 

“That’s kind of you,” Lucifer said. 

“Yeah,” Sarah said. “But really we always need something around here, so honestly, you have a chance of selling something if you call.” 

“Sounds like a good deal,” Lucifer said. “What am I providing you?” 

“A break in the monotony,” Sarah said like she was teasing. “I hope to speak with you again, Mr. Winchester.” 

“It would be my pleasure,” Lucifer said. “Have a good day Miss Brown.” He hung up and dialed the next number.


	27. Chapter 27

“So, how’s the telemarketing going?” Meg asked on Thursday. 

“Tiring,” Lucifer said. “People are dicks.” 

“I know, right,” Meg said. 

Lucifer had his head in her lap. She was stroking his head. It felt nice. She’d offered and there was no way he was turning down a free head rub. 

“How are you doing with calls?” 

“You get a certain number who hang up the second you say hello. Once I get to the end of my list I start calling those again. I had one guy that I called six times before I could get him to buy something.” 

“You go through the numbers pretty quickly,” Meg said. She sounded impressed. 

“Normally they have a rolling set of numbers, but I’m new so they’re not expecting me to see much and the product has a more specific group of people to market to, especially because it’s still a pretty local company, considering. There’s also plenty of people calling the other numbers,” Lucifer explained. “Once this week’s over I expect that won’t happen as often.” 

“How are you doing sales wise?” 

“I expect to have a good chunk to pay off my debt with this month,” Lucifer said. He closed his eyes and relaxed.

“So, do you have plans this evening?” Meg asked. 

“Sam’s staying late,” Lucifer said with annoyance. 

“If you don’t want him to go why aren’t you telling him?” Meg asked. 

“Because right now I’m too chicken shit to be able to help and if he’s working on a project like this it means the school will see him as more valuable,” Lucifer muttered. Maybe one day Sam wouldn’t have to work like this… well, he’d still want to work. No way Sam would be okay with being a kept man. But Lucifer hated not being able to contribute like he knew he should be able to. 

“You should still tell him. You remember what happened the last time you didn’t tell him something,” Meg pointed out. 

“We had sex and it was good,” Lucifer said with a happy smile. Meg smacked his stomach. Lucifer flinched and grunted but then lay back down. 

“It could have turned out a lot worse. What would you have done if Sam had slept with her?” 

“I would have figured out how to let him go,” Lucifer said. 

“You’d just give him up?” Meg asked. 

“If he wanted to go,” Lucifer said. “But if it still came out that he wanted me even after he’d slept with her then I’d still keep him. He’s more important than my hurt feelings.” 

“You’ve been antsy since that night. What makes you think you’d be okay with his cheating on you.” 

“First off, I’ve had a lot to be antsy about. Second, it’s not cheating if there’s no relationship,” Lucifer said, holding up his fingers. 

Meg sighed in exasperation. “You’re married.” 

“It was just to get me out,” Lucifer said. “I don’t consider us really married until a few days ago.” 

“So, what day do you want your anniversary present?” Meg scoffed. 

“The one from a few weeks ago, not the day the license says. If I got out on my own I might have celebrated my release date like Ruby,” Lucifer explained. 

“Are you okay to go out on Friday?” Meg asked. 

“I will be,” Lucifer said. “You and Sam will be there. I should be okay?” 

“Are you certain?” 

Meg sounded so worried that Lucifer actually cracked one eye open to look at her. She was frowning. He opened both eyes and looked at her. “If Sam asked me that I might actually punch him in the mouth.” 

“I know you can’t go out without Sam. Does he know that?” Meg asked. Lucifer shifted uncomfortably. Meg started to stroke his hair again to sooth him. “I just worry about you.”

“Meg, you’re a good friend, but it’s going to be fine,” Lucifer said, sitting up. 

“How do you know?” Meg asked. 

“Because you are a good friend, and because Sam was so hyper aware of my discomfort when he took me to a dinner party that he knew to take me out before I even knew there was a problem. Between the two of you, I know I won’t have to contend with anything on my own.” Lucifer shrugged. “Besides, I want to be normal again, and being normal involves being able to have interactions in social settings without having a panic attack.” 

“True,” Meg said, nodding. 

Lucifer smiled a bit. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. “Thank you for worrying. You’re the closest friend I’ve ever had. The best friend I’ve ever had.” 

Meg blushed and batted his hand away. “Come on, don’t tease.” 

“I’m not,” Lucifer said, leaning in. “I thought I had friends before I went into the box… but none of them cared about me outside of mutual interests, business, or what they could get from me. There were other people I knew who had friends. My brothers had friends. I never had friends. Now I have you.” 

“What about Sam?” Meg asked. 

“Sam is… it’s different,” Lucifer admitted. “There’s a lot going on. I want him, I want to be married to him, I want to be friends with him again. But we’re not there yet, and our romantic relationship is…” 

“New,” Meg suggested. 

“That,” Lucifer said. “But with you it’s different. We enjoy each other’s company. Things can go unsaid, but you aren’t afraid to tell me what you think. You try to take care of me and I want desperately to take care of you. You are very important to me. I would not trade you for Sam, and I would not trade Sam for you.” 

Meg went very red and ducked her head a bit. She tangled up her legs in Lucifer’s and he smiled at her. “I didn’t think someone would care like you do, or that I’d care so much,” she mumbled.

“Life’s funny that way,” Lucifer said quietly. 

“Okay,” Meg said. She shifted to sit closer to him and they fell into companionable silence.


	28. Chapter 28

Lucifer was very nervous about going to the bar once Friday came around. Before they even left the house Lucifer changed clothes seventeen times before Sam finally picked the outfit for him. It felt far too informal, just jeans, a t-shirt and a plaid over shirt. He felt exposed, more exposed than he could have felt in his suit. Sam tucked his hand into Lucifer’s back pocket and whispered in his ear that he looked amazing and how much he wanted to push up the shirt and kiss the skin right above Lucifer’s belt. 

That helped. Sam telling him how attractive he was, Sam worshipping his body with kisses, Sam being careful to not push his boundaries, all of that helped. It was hard to hate how he looked when he constantly had someone whispering in his ear how great he looked. 

Ruby’s friend’s bar really wasn’t that crowded. Still, Lucifer felt uneasy. There was no purpose in this trip except to be there. There wasn’t a goal, not something he could focus on. His goal when going to that dinner had been to make a good impression for Sam. That had failed, but at least he’d had a goal. 

“Beer?” Sam suggested. 

Lucifer shook his head. “Stronger.” 

“Whiskey it is,” Sam said, leaving Meg with Lucifer. 

“Thanks,” Lucifer said quietly. He looked down at Meg who’s eyes were on the juke box. 

“You ever seen one before?” she asked. 

“I did go to college,” Lucifer said, but followed her over anyway. 

He felt a little sick, watching her slide her credit card and pick a song. He swallowed carefully and tried to breath. He wasn’t being bought. He was out. It was over. She was just picking music. It was fine. His eyes snapped open when he realized he recognized the song. 

“The times, they are a changing?” Lucifer asked with a fond smile. 

“Dylan’s always fitting,” Meg said. 

“You made it,” Ruby said, smiling as she brought over a tray of fruity umbrella drinks and setting them on a table nearby. 

“Oh,” Sam said, returning with two tumblers of whiskey. “You already got drinks.” 

“It’s not a problem,” Lucifer said, taking one of the glasses from Sam’s hand. Maybe he’d try and savor it on a normal day, but he drank it back like a shot. “See, no problem,” Lucifer breathed, putting the glass down. 

“Now that’s my kind of man,” Ruby said with a wink, handing Lucifer one of the other drinks. 

“Thank you, ma’am,” Lucifer teased, raising his glass before taking a slow sip from the straw. He needed the whiskey. He needed something to numb him.

“Why don’t I get us a pool table?” Meg asked. 

“Sure,” Sam said. He held Lucifer back when Lucifer made to follow. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Lucifer said. 

“The only time I saw someone put a drink back like that is when they are not fine,” Sam said. 

“I’m okay,” Lucifer insisted. 

“Lucifer,” Sam hissed, tightening his grip on Lucifer’s arm. 

Lucifer looked Sam in the eyes and saw real fear. “Sam, which member of your family was an alcoholic?” 

Sam jerked back a bit, but he seemed to realize what he’d done and sort of aborted half way through. “Why?” 

“You’re afraid I’m going to drink away my problems. Sam, you know those old movies where lawyers sit around and drink and smoke in darkly lit back rooms?” 

“Yeah,” Sam said after Lucifer waited for him to answer. 

“Well, it’s not really like that, but let’s just say that I was more than happy to end a day with a very expensive scotch. It’s been a few years, but a drink or two isn’t going to kill me,” Lucifer said. 

Sam looked tense even still. Lucifer moved closer to him and looked into his eyes. “Are you sure?” Sam finally asked. 

“I don’t feel great,” Lucifer said. “I’m not okay, but I’m not bad. I just can’t deal with this completely sober, but I have to see if I can deal with it at all. I don’t want to… I don’t want to be stuck like I am right now. Don’t worry, Meg’s going to have her eye on me was well.” 

“Ok,” Sam said and let go of Lucifer’s arm. 

“So, you any good at pool?” Lucifer asked. 

“I used to hustle pool with Dean or Dad,” Sam said with a smile. Lucifer smiled back. 

“I was one of the best trick shots in my club. Of course I’m twelve years out of practice, but I think we could do a bit of damage here if we wanted to,” Lucifer said with a smirk. 

“Okay,” Sam said. “But let’s not get thrown out of here.” 

“Deal,” Lucifer said. 

“Hey boys, we playing or not?” Ruby called. 

“Sure, let’s play,” Lucifer said. 

Ruby and Meg were good in their own right and they played well together, but it wasn’t serious. Lucifer wasn’t certain that if they weren’t playing for keeps they wouldn’t have won on their own anyway. About three rounds and only a few credits lost a couple of guys, already drunk came by and wanted to play. 

Ruby saw it first, the way Sam played like he wasn’t as good. Of course they were easy scores, and Sam and Lucifer took them. “You guys playing?” Ruby asked quietly. 

“Want to make some money?” Lucifer asked with a smile. 

Ruby and Meg played a round and won some of the boy’s money. Then they split up after that. Meg and Ruby against better players, occasionally playing against Sam and Lucifer so they didn’t look as good, until they got to a big score. In the end Lucifer and Sam played their best and won a good wad of cash. 

“Hey,” the loser said, looking ready to burst with anger. 

“You took the bet,” Meg said, throwing back a shot of vodka that her previous opponents had paid for. 

“They were cheating,” the man said. 

“They didn’t cheat,” Ruby said. “They’re just better than you.” 

“Like you weren’t in on this. You two couldn’t win a round against them,” the man’s partner said. 

“Oh? Really?” Ruby asked with an evil smirk. “Sam, Lucifer, we’re playing. Anyone want to take bets on the winners?” 

“Not really,” Sam muttered under his breath. 

“Let’s do our best?” Lucifer suggested. Neither of them had drunk anymore than what Sam and Ruby had originally bought for them. Ruby and Meg had both ingested more alcohol, but then they seemed to hold their alcohol amazingly well. 

Really, Sam and Lucifer should have known. Ruby liked winning more than anything and that was obvious. She didn’t like losing, though she could flirt guys into putting in more cash than they normally would. But she hadn’t really played up her ability during the night because it hadn’t been necessary. 

It was different against Sam and Lucifer. People put in bets against the ladies. “Winner gets part of the cut,” Ruby informed them. The men had laughed. But they didn’t laugh when Ruby started making impossible shots and Meg seemed to be running entire algorithms in her head before she made her shot. 

Sam and Lucifer lost, but they didn’t care as much when they all divided up their money made that evening. A few thousand credits warmed Lucifer’s heart, something to go toward their debt. It seemed to him like one more step to being able to get out from under the mountain Michael had buried him under. 

“That was fun,” Meg said, leaning against the bar. 

“It was,” Lucifer admitted. He hadn’t liked the press of people, but he’d had a goal to focus on, probabilities to run, something to do. He leaned against Sam now, just enjoying being so close. 

“We have to do that again,” Ruby said. 

“I think they’d get to know our faces eventually,” Sam said, slipping his arm around Lucifer’s waist. 

“Yeah, one day,” Ruby said with a laugh. 

“Let’s give it some time,” Lucifer said, nuzzling his nose into Sam’s shoulder. 

“You two are just disgustingly cute,” Meg groaned. “Come on, you two are taking me home before I have to be sick all over you.” 

“Yeah, wouldn’t want that,” Sam said. 

“Are you guys free next Saturday?” Ruby asked. 

“Should be,” Lucifer said. “Are you suggesting another bar outing?” 

“Nah, just dinner,” Ruby said. “My place is kinda small, but I’m no slouch with baking and ham.” 

“Sounds good with me,” Sam said. “Lucifer?” 

“I think we could make it,” Lucifer said after a moment of faked thought. 

“I’m in. Free food is always good in my book,” Meg said, laughing at her own joke. 

“Alright,” Lucifer said. “Let’s get you home before we have to hold your hair back.” 

“Haha, very funny,” Meg said. 

“You boys mind giving me a ride too? I took the bus,” Ruby explained. 

“Fine,” Lucifer said. 

Ruby’s place wasn’t too far away, but it let them know where they’d go the next Saturday. It wasn’t much problem to get Meg back to her apartment either. Sam and Lucifer walked into their apartment laughing as they talked about the highlights of their evening. 

“I could get used to this,” Lucifer admitted while changing for bed. 

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Sam said. 

“I never said there was,” Lucifer huffed. 

“I don’t mind this,” Sam said. “This life… I mean, I know it probably what you dreamed about…” 

“Was it what you dreamed about?” Lucifer asked. 

“Not really,” Sam said. “I thought I’d be a lawyer and then I thought I’d teach in New York… but I’m not even certain I want to anymore. I do like where I work. I like coming home to you and Meg cracking jokes. I like hanging out with Ruby. I like that they make you happy. I like that I think I make you happy too.” 

“You do make me happy,” Lucifer said. He crawled into bed and pulled the covers up so he could snuggle up to Sam’s warmth. “It wasn’t what I thought I wanted, but I’m good with this.” 

“Good,” Sam said and kissed his brow. “Good.”


	29. Chapter 29

Lucifer liked his routine. It suited him. We fell into it with surprising ease. Maybe it seemed a bit stagnant at times, but it was something. He worked Monday through Friday selling whatever it was he was supposed to sell, making a nice tidy profit that went mostly to trying to buy back his violin and unfreeze his assets. He wouldn’t call it the most exciting job, but he was starting to get a few regulars who he was talking to at least once a week. He’d already told Sarah Brown that one product was no good and to not buy it. He’d sold to a hundred people already by the time he got to her name. 

After that either Friday or Saturday he, Sam, Meg and Ruby would go out to do something. Lucifer was thinking about suggesting a movie for this weekend. He had one he was curious about seeing. He’d almost suggested it the week Ruby got a boyfriend, but it seemed to special to waste on a guy who was gone a week later. 

Two days a week, Monday through Thursday, depending, Sam would stay late and work on some secret project he was still being closed mouthed about. Meg normally stayed longer those evenings. She came over every day, which Lucifer was more than happy with. He didn’t actually like being along for too long. He’d even invited Ruby over once or twice just because he couldn’t stand to be alone. Though Ruby was someone he preferred to have at least one other person around when he was with her. 

He and Sam went grocery shopping on Sunday after sleeping in and watching cartoons for an hour or two. Lucifer liked Tom and Jerry. Sam liked Road Runner cartoons, but they could both agree one loving Bugs Bunny. Sunday was Lucifer’s favorite day. It was his and Sam’s day for just the two of them. Often times it might just be a day for silent reading or grading papers or research. But Sam was there. It wasn’t like Saturdays when Sam might ask Lucifer to come with him to the library or something. They only went out in the evening to buy food for the week. 

But it was Wednesday and Sam was going to come home late, and Lucifer still had five days until Sunday. And while he wanted Sunday he didn’t wish away the days. He had twelve years where he was stopped from living as he wished. He didn’t want time to go any faster. As much as he liked his routine, a month on the job had just zoomed by and Lucifer felt like he didn’t even know where it had gone. 

This week’s service was security systems. He had a corporate package and a personal on, just go down the line and run with it. He’d definitely be calling Sarah Brown this week, though he doubted they’d need this system. It was okay, fine for personal use, but a corporation, even a medium sized building probably wouldn’t go for it. Sarah Brown’s accounting firm probably had a pretty good system already in place, but he’d ask anyway. 

He was already part way into his morning. He sipped his tea and checked over his notes before beginning his next call. 

“Hello?” a female voice answered.

“Hello, I’m Luke representing the Dekker Bryant Security Company. Am I speaking with Morgan Tyler?” 

“No,” the woman’s voice answered. “You’re speaking with Raphael Milton. Do you mind telling me how you got my secretary’s officer number?” 

Lucifer’s mouth went very dry. Raphael? No. No way. “Excuse me, I could have sworn I heard you say you’re Raphael Milton?” 

“That’s correct,” the woman said, her voice strong and clipped. Feminine though the voice may be, the tone, the syntax, the flow of her speech was all painfully familiar. “Now, will you tell me how you got this number?” 

Lucifer licked his lips. “It’s in the company’s database. I just make the calls, ma’am.” 

“This number is specifically on a no call list,” Raphael said. 

“Well, I’m sorry then, but I didn’t pick your number out of a phonebook. It’s simply on my call list,” Lucifer said a bit shortly.

He started clicking across the number. He had seen the company name. It was LLC Mills. He’d called them and done business with them before. Of course he was speaking with a different division. Shit! It didn’t say “LLC Mills” it said “LLC Milton”, Raphael’s branch of the company. Except that his-her, whatever, their branch was “Milton LLC”. Lucifer hadn’t even tried to call the numbers for any company his family help. Shit, shit, shit.

“What did you say your name was?” Raphael asked, sounding annoyed. 

“Luke,” Lucifer said. There were a tone of Lukes in the system. 

“No, your full name,” Raphael said in an extremely clipped tone. 

Fuck, Lucifer was screwed. He felt his heart pounding. It was in his rule book. He had to give his full name if the client asked. All calls were recorded. He’d be fired if he was caught. He wanted to just die rather than say his name. 

“Sir, what is your name?” Raphael asked again. 

“Lucifer Winchester,” Lucifer snapped. 

“Lu…cifer?” Raphael asked, suddenly sounding disbelieving and hesitant. 

“Yes,” Lucifer said testily. His heart was pounding so hard that his chest really started to hurt. He wondered if Raphael could hear the sound. He felt like his vision was starting to cloud up. Oh God. He got up and started to pace because he was afraid he’d pass out if he stayed still.

“Winchester?” Raphael asked. 

“Yes,” Lucifer said. 

“Not Milton,” she said quietly. 

Lucifer bit his tongue. He could just make something up. But this was the first time he’d heard from his family in years and he just couldn’t. 

“Not… anymore,” Lucifer said. “Look, can I call you back on my cell phone and not the company one, please?” 

Raphael was silent for a moment. “If you don’t I will call this number until I get to you.” 

“Okay,” Lucifer said and hung up. He threw the company cell phone down on the sofa with all his might. It bounced once or twice and then just sat there staring at him.

He grabbed his cell and punched in the number from his screen with shaking thumbs. He only waited one ring before there was an answer.

“Lucifer.” Raphael sounded so relieved. 

“Hey,” Lucifer said. 

“Where are you?” Raphael demanded. 

“No, no way I’m answering that question.” 

“I can find you,” Raphael threatened. 

“I know you can, but I do not want to be bothered,” Lucifer snapped. 

“Are you okay?” Raphael asked. Lucifer nearly laughed. 

“You sound like a woman now, you know,” Lucifer jabbed. 

“I am a woman now,” Raphael said, sounding… happy? Proud? “And you sound the same. I’m just surprised to hear you calling for a cut rate security system.” 

“Seriously? When did that happen?” Lucifer asked, stopping to sit down. 

“About two years ago,” Raphael said. “You’ve really been out of the loop.” 

“I only got out of hell a few months ago. How do you feel? Tell me this is good for you,” Lucifer demanded. He didn’t know why, but he felt more happy than shocked. 

“It’s perfect for me,” Raphael said. Lucifer felt his shoulders relax a little. 

“I’m happy for you.” He meant it too. The Raphael he remembered wouldn’t have dared to possibly besmirch the image of their father’s company like that. 

“You only got out a few months ago?” Raphael asked like she’d replayed the conversation she’d just heard and finally understood. 

“It’s not been very long,” Lucifer said. 

“All this time?” Raphael said. 

“What, did Michael tell you I ran off to Tibet?” Lucifer asked. 

“No,” Raphael said. “He told us what he did. But he said you got out… years ago. He said he’d hurt you and you hadn’t want to come back… that’s not true at all, is it?” 

“So you’re telling me,” Lucifer said through gritted teeth. “That Michael lied, again. He didn’t tell you that he left me in that God forsaken box for twelve years and that I’d still be there if someone else hadn’t gotten me out? You’re telling me that you told you and Gabriel that it was all fine and he’d fucked up once and that he wasn’t just continually piling on more and more debt onto my head for whatever stupid projects he needed to build?” 

Lucifer didn’t know when he’d started yelling, but he suddenly felt like he was gasping. He stood up again and started to walk around. 

“Lucifer!” Raphael said, sounding really worried. “Lucifer, where are you?” 

“I’m at home,” Lucifer said, still through gritted teeth. 

“Where’s home?” 

“None of your damn business,” Lucifer said sharply. 

“Ok, I won’t ask again,” Raphael said more placating. “I just want to come see you.” 

“I don’t want you to see me. I don’t want any of you to see me and I don’t want to see you. I’m fine right where I am.” 

“You’re a telemarketer,” Raphael pointed out. 

“It pays the debts Michael so graciously left me with from my years of imprisonment.” 

“How much?” 

“What?” 

“How much?” Raphael asked again. “I can pay it.” 

“I don’t want you to,” Lucifer said quietly. He kept walking but his pacing wasn’t so frantic. 

“Why? I want to help Lucifer.” 

Lucifer wanted to snap something about how she hadn’t helped when she’d known, but there was no point. He felt tired and he didn’t want to argue like that. “I want to do it on my own.” 

“But so much time Lucifer… God, it’s been so long. How much longer are you going to put your life on hold?” 

“It’s not on hold. It’s just different,” Lucifer said. That eased something, being able to say that. “I need to do this on my own. It gives me something to focus on, something to work toward. You know me, goal oriented brat that I am. It’s good for me.” 

“Okay,” Raphael said. She sounded like she understood. 

She probably would be most able to. She’d done something for herself, something that went against what they were raised for and what they were taught: that the company was everything, that if you personally made the company’s image take a hit you would lose investors and that meant hurting your shareholders, your clients and your employees. Raphael had done what she needed, probably against the strong objections of Michael and Gabriel. 

“Thank you,” Lucifer said. “I really don’t know how the company got your number. I know we kept it on a no call list.” 

“Fate, God’s hand,” Raphael suggested. 

“Or Satan’s. You still going to call management.” 

“You know I will. I simply cannot allow such a flagrant disregard for the law.” Raphael said. 

“Do not use my name, I actually need this job.” 

“I won’t,” Raphael assured him. “I won’t, Lucifer. I promise.” 

“You know, you’re a lot nicer than you used to be,” Lucifer said, smiling a bit. 

“I don’t think so,” Raphael said. “I just miss my big brother.” 

Lucifer took a deep breath through his nose. His eyes stung and his throat felt scratchy. His chest ached like something was swelling deep inside. “I miss you too, little sister,” he breathed. He shut his eyes tight and tried to fight back the tears. He wanted to see her. He badly wanted to see her. “God, I bet you’re beautiful now.” 

“Of course, it’s our family,” Raphael said 

Lucifer laughed, though it sounded watery even to him. “I will tell you where I am one day.” 

“But not yet,” Raphael said. 

“Not yet… but look, you have my number. You can call me before five during the weekday, my time, not five your time.” 

“I’ll text you my number,” Raphael said. “I will message you if you don’t call me in a few days.” 

“Okay,” Lucifer said quietly. “Thank you Raphael.” 

“You’re welcome. Have a good day.” 

“You too,” Lucifer whispered. He waited until Raphael hung up. He turned off Sam’s computer and headed back to the bedroom, cell phone in hand. He could tell Sam he’d had a hard day with his memories if he didn’t feel better by the time Sam got home.

*Hey, Sam, can we order take out or something?* Lucifer asked. 

*You hate take out* Sam responded almost instantly. Lucifer smiled and relaxed. He undressed and climbed into bed before responding. 

*I don’t feel like cooking today.* 

It didn’t take long for Sam to respond. *Do you need me to come home?*

*No, just having a few memories. It’s nothing I can’t handle. I’m just going to sleep. I might make some phone calls to California this evening when I wake up.* 

*Ok. Is there anything you want* 

*Chinese.* 

*Deal. Do you want me to come home early?* 

*No, it’s okay. I’ll munch on celery until you get home. * 

*Ok. Miss you*

*Miss you too, Sam. Now go back to work.* 

*See you when I get home* 

*Bye, Sam.*

*Bye, Lucifer* 

Lucifer read and reread the conversation, allowing it to sooth him so he could rest. There was no way he could talk to someone else on the phone with how tightly wound he was feeling. He’d feel better after a nap and a bath. He hoped anyway.


	30. Chapter 30

Sam was nervous. Lucifer had been all out of sorts the previous day. It meant that Sam’s little surprise was probably really needed, but Sam was still afraid it was going to blow up in his face. Granted he’d deserve it after what happened with Lucifer and the meatloaf. But Sam really wanted this to go well. 

He shifted the package in his hands so he could get his keys. He unlocked the door and the wonderful smell of dinner hit him square in the nose. “Lucifer?” he asked. 

“Lasagna’s almost ready,” Lucifer said from the kitchen. “Just go get changed.” 

“That can wait for a minute,” Sam said, walking back to the kitchen to put his package in the refrigerator. He smiled, seeing Lucifer dressed in his jeans and one of Sam’s shirts. Lucifer had done that once or twice and honestly, Sam really liked it. 

“What’s that?” Lucifer asked, eyeing past Sam to the refrigerator. 

“Part two if a very good evening,” Sam said with a smile. 

“What’s part one?” Lucifer asked hesitantly. 

“Your delicious dinner,” Sam said. He pulled Lucifer into a hug. They relaxed against each other for a long moment, enjoying the simple touch. Finally Sam kissed Lucifer’s brow and pulled away so he could get changed. 

Sam changed quickly and returned to find that Lucifer was already serving. Sam waited until Lucifer put the dishes down before dragging him into a hug and a kiss. 

“What’s got you so hands on today?” Lucifer asked. There was a lightness to his words. He didn’t sound at all wary. A bit guiltily, Sam understood this was because Sam was touching his husband without being so careful. 

“I’ve been planning something for a while for you,” Sam explained. “So I’m nervous and excited.” 

“Should I be as well?” Lucifer asked, taking the plates to the table. 

“Maybe,” Sam said. 

Dinner was an easy affair. Lucifer asked Sam about his day and Sam asked Lucifer about his and they told little stories and it felt thoroughly domestic. 

“You know,” Sam said, getting plates out for the desert he’d brought home. “I really didn’t think it would work out like this.” 

“Like what?” Lucifer asked. 

“I thought that the only time I’d get to kiss you would be at the wedding,” Sam started. 

Lucifer snorted. “Shows what you know.” 

“But before that… God, I really didn’t think I’d be able to get married, with my legal status what it is. I mean, I had a girl I loved and really wanted to marry. But she was going to go places. She’ll be the Dean of Medicine at some hospital someday, and I would ruin those chances.” 

“So you broke it off with her,” Lucifer said. “If you do that to me, I’ll punch you.” 

“I know,” Sam said with a smile. “It was a mutual break up, once I explained it all to her, once it became clear that even though I passed the bar I wouldn’t be able to practice anywhere. You’d tie me to the bed before you’d let me leave.” 

Lucifer flashed him a smile “Nice to know you know me.” 

Sam scooped out the apple tarts and put them on plates, bringing them over to the table, to where Lucifer was sitting. Sam sat down and offered Lucifer a fork.

“Please, tell me you didn’t make this,” Lucifer said. 

“I helped, but I asked one of the professors from the culinary school to help me,” Sam said. “She did most of it.” 

Lucifer took a bite and practically melted. “It’s perfect,” he mused, looking like he was lost in a dream of deserts he’d once known. 

“Meg said you mentioned how much you liked apples tarts… so…” Sam shrugged. 

Lucifer smiled. “Well, then, thank you, Sam.” He looked like he really meant it and went back to eating. 

Sam just watched him eat, slowly going through his piece as well. “There’s a whole rest of it in there if you want some later.” 

“Of course I do,” Lucifer said once he finished. “This has been a good evening.” He looked relaxed and a little sleepy.

“It’s not over yet,” Sam said, trying very hard not to smile. 

“You didn’t have to bribe me to make me put out tonight,” Lucifer said. “Though it does help.” 

Sam laughed. “No. Do you want to know what I’ve been working on for all these weeks?” 

“Yes,” Lucifer said. 

“I did lie, but I thought you’d forgive me. There are people in physical education department who teach physical therapy. I wasn’t writing an article. I asked one of my colleagues if she could teach me massage. I had to play by her schedule because she was doing me a favor. But I wanted to wait until I felt competent enough in what I was doing.” 

“Sam,” Lucifer said. Sam couldn’t make out what Lucifer’s tone meant. 

“I heard you when you told me that there were certain things you couldn’t do. I understand that while I’m willing to wait, you don’t even know if it will ever be possible for you. But I’m not okay with just taking from you. There’s more than just sexual pleasure. I want to make you feel good.” 

“Sam,” Lucifer said again. The emotions in his voice were complicated. Sam heard surprise and wariness, but happiness too. “Thank you,” he said again. 

“You can thank me after we’re done this evening… or maybe in the morning if you start to drift off,” Sam said. 

Sam stood and started to put the dishes in the sink, filing the sink with water while he worked on putting the food away, which really didn’t take much work. He waited while Lucifer washed the dishes, smiling all the while. 

“Undress as much as you’re comfortable with, or change into your pajama bottoms,” Sam said. He kicked off his jeans and found the oil his friend had given him. 

Lucifer undressed to his underwear and stretched out on the bed, hugging one of their pillows. 

“Ever had a massage before?” Sam asked, suddenly realizing as he rubbed the oil between his hands that Lucifer might have been entirely pampered in his old life. 

“Every Wednesday for years,” Lucifer said. “But it’s been a while.” 

“I hope I live up to your expectations then,” Sam said, putting his hands on Lucifer’s back. Yeah, sure, no pressure.

“It’ll be fine,” Lucifer said. 

Sam was amazed at how pliant Lucifer could be. Sam understood his need to be in control and he’d worried that maybe Lucifer wouldn’t want Sam to massage him just because Lucifer would have to give up some control. But Lucifer relaxed, hissing or moaning when Sam hit a spot that needed extra attention. 

Sam quickly figured out that Lucifer’s muscles were stiff from tension and other things. Sitting in one position for years could not have helped. Though the drugs they kept him on had probably masked the pain. Lucifer was stiff all over. 

It wasn’t just a short, five minute thing, and Lucifer didn’t just lay down. Sam took two hours and had Lucifer sit up whenever he needed to work the shoulder muscles. Lucifer dozed off and on, though never really went to sleep. He was very relaxed when Sam finally finished. 

Sam lay down next to Lucifer and Lucifer sluggishly moved so he was lying partly on top of Sam. Sam smiled and stroked up and down Lucifer’s back, enjoying the touch and feeling of closeness. Seeing Lucifer so content made Sam’s heart swell. All that work was worth it if he could make Lucifer feel like this even once in a while. 

“M’ selfish,” Lucifer murmured. 

“I’m okay with that,” Sam said. 

“I love watching you,” Lucifer said, shaking himself awake enough to speak. “I was thinking about it. I love watching you fall apart. It makes me happy to make you feel good. I didn’t really think too much about that you’d want the same.” 

“It’s okay,” Sam said. 

“This was perfect, Sam,” Lucifer murmured. “I never would have thought of it.” 

“I know,” Sam said with a smile. He kissed Lucifer’s forehead. “Which is why I came up with it and not you. I did good.” 

“You did really good,” Lucifer said. “Thank you,” he said for about the third time that evening. “For taking care of me,” he added, smiling sleepily. 

“Sleep,” Sam whispered softly. “We’re going out tomorrow, remember?” 

“Yeah,” Lucifer said, curling up against Sam’s side. He fell asleep with ease and Sam followed him shortly afterward.


	31. Chapter 31

Lucifer was glad they didn’t go out to a movie on Friday, though he’d suggested it for the next Saturday. He didn’t think he’d be able to sit still through something when his mind was seven different places at once. 

There was no way Sam could have known just how much he’d needed Thursday night. Lucifer hadn’t even been able to think about Raphael, because Sam’s hands conducted nothing but soothing thoughts. Lucifer felt pleased and embarrassed whenever he thought of that night. He’d felt like a woman, when he told Meg about it the next day. 

Lucifer knew Meg was still wary of Sam hurting him, but she’d relaxed as time passed and she seemed impressed by Sam’s plan from Thursday. Lucifer had felt like a selfish bastard for making it so Sam had to think of that as a way to give something to Lucifer. Sam shouldn’t have to be wary of touching him. And clearly Sam wasn’t to some extent. He just got creative. Sam seemed happy Friday morning too, and Lucifer’s back had felt wonderful. 

He was glad he hadn’t asked for a movie, and he was glad that he’d spent all day in the library with Sam on Saturday while Sam graded papers. Lucifer helped where he could, at least checking for grammar mistakes while Sam looked at it for the other parts that made the papers good or not. 

Lucifer was good at hiding his tension. He was good at hiding. He’d practiced under much harsher circumstances than grading papers in a library. Still, he felt anxious. He doubt Sam could tell he was feeling as bad as he was, though Lucifer did catch Sam looking at him throughout the day. Not that Sam didn’t look at him normally. 

Sam never could seem to keep his hands or eyes off Lucifer now that he was more comfortable than he had permission. Lucifer liked that too, since he would often touch Sam. Sam would often touch him even if he had to pull away because it was too warm. The growing ease between them was good. What Lucifer had in Kansas was good. And he was about to overturn the apple cart. 

“Sam,” Lucifer said, pulling one of the chairs from the kitchen so he could sit in front of Sam. 

“Yeah?” Sam asked. He had picked out which of Lucifer’s old books he’d wanted to read just a few minutes before. Lucifer had been watching him while he worked up the nerve to speak to Sam. 

“I didn’t have memories one Wednesday. Well, I did, but it wasn’t triggered how I’m certain you’re imagining,” Lucifer said. 

“How do you think I imagined it?” Sam asked. He still held his book in his lap as he looked at Lucifer. 

“Well, not like I know exactly, but I assumed you’d thought someone had said something. Which is sort of what happened,” Lucifer said. 

“Lucifer, come here,” Sam said, putting the book aside. He guided Lucifer from his hard wooden chair to the sofa until Lucifer’s legs were over Sam’s lap and Lucifer was leaned against the arm rest. Sam rubbed a hand over Lucifer’s thigh, firm and steady. The other hand rested on Lucifer’s knee and Sam met his eyes. 

“I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you so nervous,” Sam told him. “Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out, I promise.” 

“I spoke with my brother Raphael on Wednesday,” Lucifer said. 

Sam went a bit pale. “How? Did Michael find us? Is he looking for us? Did he threaten you?” 

“No,” Lucifer jumped, grabbing Sam’s face. “No, nothing like that. It was an accident. Raphael didn’t call me. I called her, but accident.” 

“How… wait, you said Raphael was your brother,” Sam said. 

“Well, she’s a she now,” Lucifer said. “In any case. I was calling, what I thought was LLC Mills, but someone put the name in wrong and I called Milton LLC, that’s Raphael’s branch of the company. And her number is on the no call list, so I should never have been told you call… and she picked up her secretary’s phone.” 

Sam took a deep breath. “So what you’re telling me is that you got told to call a number you shouldn’t have been able to call, and the name of the company was mislabeled, and the one person who absolutely should not have been able to pick up, picked up the phone and it turns out it’s you’re br-sister?” 

“What can I say, God really hates me. I’m thinking he might be related to my father,” Lucifer said dryly. 

Sam snorted, looking down and gripping Lucifer’s knee. “Are you okay?” 

“I don’t know,” Lucifer said. “She didn’t threaten me or anything. She wants to come see me… she said she missed me.” He missed her. He missed her so much. He missed all of them. 

“So, what they’re just going to come down here like nothing’s happened? Like they didn’t let you rot in hell?” Sam snapped. 

“She didn’t know. I’m not certain anyone but Michael really knew,” Lucifer explained. 

“How? How could they not know when you kept not showing up for Thanksgiving dinner?” 

“Well, we never had Thanksgiving dinner much. And besides that, Michael told that that he did it once and then that I walked away and didn’t want to see them.” 

“That’s… bizarrely plausible,” Sam finally admitted. 

“They would have felt bad for not helping and would probably want to respect my wishes to be left alone. Raphael didn’t press when I told her I didn’t want her to know where I was yet.” 

“Do you want to see her?” Sam asked. 

“I do,” Lucifer said. 

“But?” Sam guessed. 

“But I don’t know if I can yet. This, what we have here, this is good. I like this. It’s just not at all what I could be doing. What I should be doing. I ran companies. I was Michael’s enforcer. Think of me as his Luca Brasi. I got my hands dirty, pulling apart companies, people’s lives. Always legal, but never good. And I was powerful. And here I am. I’m a telemarketer who’s afraid to leave his house even to get the damn mail.” 

“Yeah, but you do get the mail,” Sam said. 

“No, I don’t,” Lucifer said. “I don’t… I can’t leave the house without you, Sam. I can barely even open the door. There’s so many people, pressing in so close and nothing between me and them, no way to keep them from touching me. I can’t go outside without you.” 

“Hey,” Sam said, drawing Lucifer into a hug. “It’s okay.” 

“No, it’s not,” Lucifer said. “It’s not okay. It’s not going to be okay.” 

“Yeah, but It’s so much better from where it was,” Sam said. “I know this is hard.” 

“You really don’t know,” Lucifer snapped. “You don’t know at all. You’re young and starry eyed and some part of you still dreams that you can earn your way up and that people won’t look at you for your legal status, when if you even looked at me or Meg or Ruby you’d know that isn’t true. The past ties us down and you’re just praying every night that it isn’t true. It’s naive and best.” 

Sam looked like Lucifer had punched him. Lucifer didn’t want to feel bad, so he didn’t. He wasn’t taking it back. He glared at Sam and hated him for his stupid dreams and his smiles and his placating kindnesses. 

“We’d never work out if it weren’t for those twelve years. If I didn’t need you, then you know we’d never work,” Lucifer said. 

And he hated that it was true. He could see by the look in Sam’s eyes that he felt the same. Lucifer had wounded him, though. Lucifer didn’t want to hurt Sam like that, not the Sam who spent a month working late so he could find a way to touch Lucifer to make him feel good that didn’t cross Lucifer’s boundaries. Not that Sam who graduated late so he could be with Lucifer. Not the Sam who worked for two years to get him out. 

“I just don’t know if I can see her is all,” Lucifer said lamely. It wasn’t an apology, but he didn’t know how to apologize for those things. 

“Do you plan to speak with her again?” Sam asked. 

“Yes,” Lucifer said. 

“Then I’d like to talk with her too,” Sam said. “If you’ll let me.” 

“I’ll think about it,” Lucifer said. “I didn’t tell her I was married.” 

“Ok,” Sam said, picking up his book. “Is there anything else?” 

“She offered to pay off the debt. I told her no, that I needed to do it,” Lucifer said quietly. 

“I understand,” Sam said, and rubbed his hand against Lucifer’s leg. “Anything else?” 

“No,” Lucifer said. 

“Okay then,” Sam said. He cracked his book open and started to read. 

Lucifer watched Sam for a long time. Sam just read. He didn’t even look at him. Finally Lucifer got up and Sam made no motion to stop him. Lucifer went to the kitchen to make something. He needed to feel like he was at least useful for something.


	32. Chapter 32

Lucifer called Meg and told her not to come over on Monday. He was in no mood to entertain people. He was fidgety and agitated throughout his first calls. Even Sarah Brown called him out on being an asshole and he had to apologize to her or risk losing her business. 

“I had a fight with my husband,” Lucifer finally told her. 

“Well, maybe you can take a few hours off, cool your head,” she suggested. 

“I had the argument yesterday. He gave me a backrub in the evening.” 

“Then what’s the problem?” Sarah asked. 

“If you told your significant other that you would never have married them if you hadn’t needed them, do you think they’d be happy?” 

“Well, depending on the tone, it could sound very romantic,” Sarah said. 

“Think in the worst way,” Lucifer said. 

“Did you lie?” Sarah asked. 

Lucifer shifted uncomfortably. “No.” 

“Do you not want to be married to him.” 

“No, I want to be married to him,” Lucifer said. 

“Then just apologize,” Sarah said. 

“He gave me a back rub,” Lucifer said. 

“See, I don’t get that,” she said. 

“He didn’t get angry,” Lucifer said. “Not at all.” 

“Ah, so you’re worried maybe he doesn’t want you like you want him,” Sarah said. 

Lucifer was silent for a moment. “It’s complicated.” 

“What were you fighting over?” 

Lucifer rubbed his brow. “My sister wants to visit.” 

“When is she coming?” 

“I haven’t told her she could come yet,” Lucifer said. “I was planning to call her after you.” 

“So, you’re taking all your aggression out on me? Real nice,” Sarah said; her voice etched with sarcasm.

“You’ll probably forgive me easier for being short with you,” Lucifer said, remembering Raphael from when they were younger. 

Sarah laughed. “Okay. Look, we really don’t need any paper right now. Look, just go make your stressful phone call and then drink some tea and watch TV or something.” 

“Sounds good,” Lucifer said. “Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome darling. But you have to promise me and update the next time you call.” 

“I will,” Lucifer said and hung up. 

He dialed Raphael’s cell phone on his own phone. It didn’t ring twice before Raphael picked up. 

“Lucifer?” 

“Are you busy?” Lucifer asked instantly. 

“Nothing I can’t put aside for an hour. I’m glad you called, and surprised. I thought it would be at least a week or more.” 

“Yeah, well, this is how it worked out,” Lucifer said. He sat forward a little and closed his eyes.

He imagined them as kids. They weren’t that different in age. None of them had the same father, but Raphael was the only one who’d been visually different than them. The Raphael he remembered as a child had tried to rescue any animal he could find. The Raphael Lucifer remembered as an adult was cold and vicious. Lucifer wondered who Raphael was more like now: Raphael the child, or Raphael the businessman. Or maybe if Raphael was like someone else entirely. Twelve years was a long time. 

“Lucifer?” Raphael asked. 

“Yeah?” 

“Did you need something.” 

“I’m married,” Lucifer said. 

“I know.” 

“You know?” Lucifer repeated. His tone became flat. 

“I looked you up. It wasn’t hard to find. Marriage records are public and I knew your SSN. He’s very beautiful, Lucifer. Does he treat me well.” 

“He treats me perfectly. It’s frustrating.” 

“Oh father above, have you terrorized the poor man out of his mind, yet?” 

Lucifer smiled a bit. “What makes you say that?” 

“Lilith. She was a saint for putting up with you as long as she did.” 

“Who?” Lucifer asked, searching his memory banks. 

“Exactly,” Raphael. 

“Oh yeah,” Lucifer said. His college girlfriend. “That was a long, long time ago. What does she have to do with anything?” 

“Lucifer, she thought you were going to propose.” 

“When?” Lucifer demanded. 

“The night you announced to her that you were probably going to be partner under Michael. Don’t you remember? You bought champagne and told her to dress nice, took her to your favorite restaurant, ordered your favorite food.” 

“You mean the night we broke up?” Lucifer asked. A memory he had prodded for years suddenly came screeching to the surface of his mind and he practically relived it all. He had to wince. “She thought I was going to propose?” 

“You’d been nervous for awhile. You went to the jewelry store because you wanted her opinion on a new ring to match a suit. Instead of asking her the question you celebrated something that wasn’t even a sure thing at the time.” 

“Damn,” Lucifer muttered. 

“So, tell me about your husband. I hope you’re treating him better than you did her.” 

“Of course I am,” Lucifer muttered. 

“Really?” Raphael asked, truly disbelieving. 

“Why is this so easy?” 

“Because it’s who we are, Lucifer,” Raphael said. Lucifer could practically hear her smile. 

“Sam wants to talk to you.” 

“You told him,” Raphael said. She sounded a little relieved.

“I… Raph, are you married?” 

“No.” 

“Have you had someone?” 

“I’ve had a lot of people, Luc. Just ask your question.” 

“How do you deal with someone who just accepts when you hurt them?” 

“Have you been hurting him?” 

“He always feels so guilty. Yes, he messed up. Yes, I’m still angry. No, I haven’t forgiven him. But I don’t want him to be so guilty all the time. It’s just ego stroking.” 

“Which you would know,” Raphael said. 

“He feels guilty because he thinks he should and he thinks that it makes him a better person. Or something. But I don’t want him to feel guilty. I just want him to fix it.” 

“Do you want me to come down there and make him cry?” Raphael asked. Lucifer knew she would if he said yes. 

“No,” Lucifer murmured. 

“Then I don’t know what you want.” 

“I want you to talk to him tomorrow, when he gets home from work,” Lucifer said. “I’ll put you on speaker phone.” 

“I can do that,” Raphael said. 

“Good.” 

“And Lucifer?” 

“Yeah?” 

“If I do this does it mean you’ll eventually tell me where you are so I can come visit?” 

“I don’t know,” Lucifer hedged. 

“Why?” Lucifer knew that voice, that was Raphael’s ‘Do not question me, puny human’ voice. Lucifer never liked being on the receiving end.

“I’m not who I was twelve years ago.” 

Raphael laughed, not even a little bit, but a loud, long laugh that lasted long enough that Lucifer really considered hanging him. He only didn’t because he knew Raphael would trace his call and come find him if he did that. 

“Lucifer, did you just hear what you said to me?” she asked. 

“Ah,” Lucifer said, understanding. “Still, it’s not the same.” She seemed fuller. He felt less. 

“It’s not,” she agreed. “But it’s just different.” 

“I’ll think about it,” Lucifer said. 

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, big brother.” 

“I’ll call you when Sam gets home tomorrow. Have a good evening, little sister.”


	33. Chapter 33

The first thing Lucifer said to Sam when Sam got home on Monday was that he’s arranged for them to speak with Raphael on Tuesday after dinner. Lucifer had spent most of Monday not talking to Sam, so Sam supposed Lucifer was still mad at him. He hated it, really. Not that he wasn’t interested in speaking with Lucifer’s sister, but he wanted to talk to Lucifer. 

Lucifer made some kind of casserole, which Sam was going to take the rest of for lunch the next day. They ate in near silence, one of them occasionally saying something to the other about their day and then they went to bed. 

Tuesday wasn’t exactly worse. Lucifer kissed Sam before Sam went to work and when he came home Lucifer had tried his hand at meatloaf again, which made Sam feel a little better. Meatloaf was probably Lucifer’s least favorite food, but he put it in regular dinner rotation because he knew Sam liked it. 

Lucifer kept looking at Sam expectantly through dinner, though their conversation wasn’t so strained. Sam grabbed Lucifer and hugged him when Lucifer tried to do dishes. That eased a lot of the tension. Sam was okay with not talking about it. He just wanted to go back to normal. 

It wasn’t like what Lucifer said wasn’t painful. But it had been true. It distressed him that Lucifer had such a hard time leaving the apartment. He wanted Lucifer to be okay. Of course, if Lucifer was okay then he wouldn’t want Sam around him anymore. He’d go back home and leave Sam behind. A few months later (or maybe not even that long) Sam would get divorce papers, which he’d sign and it would all be over. 

He’d take the time he had. 

Lucifer grabbed his phone and made a call. “Hey, yeah. I’m going to put you on speaker.” 

“Can you hear me?” Sam heard a strong female voice. 

“Yes,” Lucifer said. 

“Sam?” the voice asked. 

“Yes?” Sam asked quickly, feeling like he probably should have said something before. 

“May I call you Sam?” 

“Yes, of course. What should I call you?” 

“Raphael is fine,” the woman said. 

“it’s nice to meet you, Raphael,” Sam said. “Lucifer, stop hovering.” 

“I was not,” Lucifer snapped. He actually hadn’t been, but he’d been watching Sam closely and it had been making Sam nervous. 

Raphael laughed. “He used to do that as a boy. You have no idea how many fights we got into because he couldn’t stop reading over my shoulder.” 

“You didn’t have to break my nose,” Lucifer said, fingering the cartilage.

“You deserved it,” Raphael said flatly and now it was Sam’s turn to laugh.

“You sound like me and my brother,” Sam said. “Were you close?” 

“Once,” Raphael said, sounding a bit sad. “When we were boys, but really only during the summer. Then after University it didn’t seem to matter so much.” 

“Oh, that’s, uh…” Sam trailed off. 

“Depressing,” Raphael filled in. 

“Yeah,” Sam said dumbly. 

“I’ve told Lucifer I want to come see him.” 

“Yes, he told me that too,” Sam said. “We don’t really have room in the apartment.” 

“I understand that you’re a teacher?” 

“Yes,” Sam said quickly. 

“And that Lucifer is working in sales.” 

“Yes,” Lucifer said. His tone was insistent on Raphael getting to the point. 

“I believed it would be a good idea for me to rent a hotel while I’m in town. I don’t mind and I don’t want to impose. But I would like to see my brother. I can understand if it would make you uncomfortable.” 

“No,” Sam said quickly. “Whatever Lucifer wants.” 

“Ah,” Raphael said. “I see.” 

“See what?” Lucifer asked, warning in his voice. 

“Nothing,” Raphael said. “Though it seems to be up to you, Lucifer.” 

“Don’t you have projects to run?” Lucifer asked. 

“There’s nothing so important that I can’t put it aside.” 

“What if I told you to come Friday?” Lucifer demanded. 

“Then I’d begin rescheduling next week and tell them I’ll be back the Monday after next.” 

“You know,” Lucifer said, a bit derisively. “When I worked for the company I didn’t have time to just take off.” 

“The difference is that I don’t care about my work more than I care about getting to see you,” Raphael said. “If Michael says anything I’ll ask him where you’ve really been.” 

“I don’t want Michael to get into this,” Lucifer said. “I don’t want to see him.” 

“Well, he has to know, but I don’t think he’d going to make contact, and I’ll tell him to keep his distance if he tries. Do you want me to tell Gabriel or any of the others.” 

“N-no,” Lucifer said and winced. Sam reached over and took Lucifer’s hand, squeezing it. “I’ll talk to the others when I can.”

“Would you have ever called if you hadn’t found me by accident?” Raphael asked. 

“Maybe not,” Lucifer said. “But certainly not before I’d finished with my debts.” 

“I see,” Raphael said. She sounded disappointed. 

“You’ll be here Friday?” Lucifer asked. 

“I’ll start making plans as soon as we hang up. If it’s okay with Sam, that is.” 

“It’s more than fine with me,” Sam said. “We’ll have to tell Meg and Ruby we’ve had a change of plans for Saturday.” 

“Why?” Lucifer asked. 

“I just…” Sam trailed off. What could it hurt? Raphael couldn’t be so high strung that she would reject seeing a movie, especially if it made Lucifer happy, right? 

“Then I’ll see you both Friday. I’ll call Lucifer with details tomorrow once I have more information.” 

“I’ll talk to you then.” Lucifer said. 

“Have a good evening,” Sam added. 

“You both as well,” Raphael said and hung up.

They sat in silence for a moment, both staring at the phone’s ‘Call Ended’ screen until the phone went back to the main menu and then went black. Sam was still holding Lucifer’s hand and Lucifer was making no moves to pull away. 

“So,” Sam finally said, breaking the tense silence. “Friday?” 

“I better clean before them,” Lucifer said. 

“Lucifer,” Sam said, tugging Lucifer so he’d look at him. 

“What, Sam?” Lucifer asked. He sounded tired. He looked even worse. 

“I’ll call her back and tell her not to come, if you want,” Sam said. 

Lucifer sort of smiled and shook his head. “Just take me to bed. I need to be held.” 

“Of course,” Sam said. But he didn’t bother taking Lucifer to bed, just dragged him into his lap. Lucifer huffed but settled against Sam’s chest. They sat that way until it became too late for them to do anything but go to bed.


	34. Chapter 34

“So, your sister is coming Friday?” Ruby asked. 

“Yes,” Lucifer said. 

“And she’s coming with us on Saturday?” Meg asked. 

“Yes,” Lucifer said. “Is that a problem?” 

“Nope,” both women said at the same time. 

“What’s she like?” Meg asked. 

“I remember her being quiet hard handed,” Lucifer said. “And tired. But she doesn’t seem to be quite the same. But then it has been a long time.” 

“You really think she had no idea.” 

“I’m choosing to believe that for the moment,” Lucifer said. 

“If she hurts you, we’ll kick her ass,” Ruby said. 

Lucifer smiled easily. The two women were curled up next to each other on his sofa. He’d taken the floor, content to let them be and not attempt to sit between them. Their closeness to each other and him made him happy. Their touches were always safe and non-threatening. Plus, it was nice to know that they were friends because of his and Sam’s interference. 

“So, where is she flying in from?” Meg asked. 

“New York,” Lucifer said. 

“You mean the place Sam really, really wants to go to?” Ruby asked. 

“Yes,” Lucifer said. “When we get out from under the debt I plan to take him there.” 

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Meg asked. 

“I’ll be with him,” Lucifer said. He’d take Sam to see a Broadway play. He could imagine Sam dressed up for the evening in a suit similar in quality to the ones Lucifer preferred to wear. He’d take his time getting Sam out of it in the evening, because Sam would look exquisite, and there was such a thing as savoring a banquet. 

“Speaking of,” Meg said, sitting up. “Have you told him about Christmas yet?”

Lucifer’s ears went a bit red. “I’ve only told you.” 

“What about Christmas?” Ruby asked. 

“Lucifer decided to put money away so he could take Sam back to California to visit his family,” Meg said. 

“That’s so sweet!” Ruby cooed. “And it’s months away, so you’ll have plenty of time to save up.” 

“And hopefully I’ll be able to go get mail by them,” Lucifer said glumly. It had seemed like the perfect plan when he’d come up with it, but Lucifer was less and less sure about if he could be alone someplace with people when Sam wasn’t around.

“You have over six months,” Ruby said. “It’s not even summer yet. You’ll definitely still struggle, but you’ll probably have improved at least a little.” 

“I don’t want to be improved. I want to be fine,” Lucifer grumbled. “Yes. I know, don’t say anything.” He didn’t need their platitudes about patience being a virtue and how well he was doing already. 

“No,” Ruby said. “I get it. It sucks. You think me and Meg don’t have problems. I had three years where I jumped If anyone so much as touched me, even when I saw them about to do it.” 

“The first time I got out I didn’t sleep for a month. I had nightmares I was back. When I did wake up I’d be sore because I’d hold my body tensed in one position all night long,” Meg said. “I still have nightmares.” 

“I didn’t know,” Lucifer said, feeling a bit guilty. 

“It’s easier not to talk about it,” Meg said. She touched his head, stroking his hair. Lucifer leaned his cheek against her knee, relaxing into her touch. 

“Would you prefer if I didn’t talk about it?” Lucifer asked. He understood him bringing it up all the time might be hard for them. It had just been his life for so long that he found sometimes it was hard to think of anything else to speak about. He certainly didn’t want to talk about who he’d been before and he was a telemarketer. He did get some funny stories, but really his job wasn’t that interesting.

“I like that you talk about it,” Ruby said. 

“Yeah,” Meg agreed. 

“I wish I could do that,” Ruby said. “I can’t, even now. I can barely mention it without feeling like I can’t breathe.” 

Lucifer pulled his head off Meg’s knee and looked up at Ruby. “Are you okay?” 

“I can talk about it easier with you and with Meg,” Ruby said. “Because you talk about it. I know I’m not alone. And because you talk about it I can… do you know what PTSD is?” 

“Yes,” Meg and Lucifer said. 

“I went to a therapist for a little while, when I was still in school because I got ten free sessions. I talked with her about it. I always ended up having a panic attack and thinking I was back. She told me that I had PTSD, and that I had a hard time thinking about it without reliving it,” Ruby explained. 

Meg slipped her arm around Ruby and Lucifer placed his hand on Ruby’s knee squeezing. Ruby smiled. Her eyes shone with tears that wanted to fall, but Ruby was who she was and she wouldn’t let them fall if she could help it. Lucifer felt pride for her. She was strong. 

“Lucifer, when you talk about it I can picture it and not relive it,” Ruby said. “It’s hard to hear you talk about it, but it’s good too. I need to hear you.” 

“I need people who understand,” Lucifer said. 

“Do you have nightmares?” Meg asked. 

“I did,” Ruby said. 

“I do when Sam leaves,” Lucifer said. “Whenever he tries to sleep on the sofa, or if he has to get up for something in the middle of the night. Everything was cold and dead, so it’s hard for me to think I’m there when I have something alive curled around me.” 

“I do seem to sleep better after sex,” Ruby said. “Maybe it’s that, having someone there.” 

“Maybe,” Meg said. “I’m not going to look for a conquest for that, though.” 

“Yeah, that’s probably smart,” Ruby said. 

“Your sister knows, right? She has some idea?” Meg asked. 

“I hope she doesn’t, actually,” Lucifer said. “But she’s always one to be prepared. She’ll probably have watched every video online. I’m certain I’m on there somewhere. I expect she spent at least a day buried in research, videos, tell alls, confessions, you know, trying to get a good idea about what I went through. It kind of pisses me off.” 

“I don’t blame you,” Meg said. She got up, stepping around Lucifer and heading for the kitchen. “Popsicles anyone?” 

“Yeah,” Ruby and Lucifer said. Lucifer climbed up on the couch, taking Meg’s seat. 

“You sure you’re okay with her coming?” Ruby asked. 

“I miss my family,” Lucifer said. “I even miss Michael.” He glanced around and then spoke quietly. “Sometimes I think about going to see him and just… hugging him, telling him I forgive him.” 

“Do you?” Ruby asked just as softly. 

“No,” Lucifer said. “But I don’t want to fight with him. I want it to be over.” 

“Want what to be over?” Meg asked, handing Ruby and Lucifer their popsicles. “You stole my seat,’ Meg pouted, taking Lucifer’ seat on the floor. She rested her head on his knee. 

“I’d rather not repeat it,” Lucifer said, feeling his stomach tighten. 

“Will you tell me later?” Meg asked. 

“If I can, then someday, yes.” 

“Okay,” Meg said.

“Just so you know,” Ruby started. “We meant it about your sister. You’re our friend. If she hurts you then she has to deal with us and Sam.” 

“I know,” Lucifer said. The knot in his stomach eased. He licked his popsicle and tried to relax. “You three always try to protect me.” 

“You do the same when you can,” Meg pointed out. 

Lucifer smiled a bit. “True.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided for a Tuesday/Thursday updating schedule, for my own sanity.


	35. Chapter 35

Raphael’s plane would land about dinner time. It gave Sam time to get home and pick up Lucifer so they could go to the airport. Lucifer was not excited about being around so many people. Even the car ride was nerve wracking for Lucifer. Sam had dragged his feet as much as possible, which Lucifer was truly grateful for, although he’d been near spitting angry about them getting there on time and what if my sister’s plane arrived early. 

Lucifer made certain to brush his hand against Sam’s at random intervals. He didn’t know how to thank Sam for keeping on top of everything like he did. Sam kept on top of the flight time and kept everything almost to the minute. Lucifer was afraid of disappointing Raphael, that wasn’t a secret. But he also didn’t want to be in a crowd of people any more than he had to be. 

Sam kept the radio on while Lucifer kept his eyes glued to the passing landscape. He didn’t like being stuck inside either. It felt claustrophobic, for one thing. For another it was just dull. He normally didn’t mind the car, because it was just him and Sam. Small metal box that he was strapped to a seat in, but it was car. Cars moved. They played radio. They had drivers, and Sam was next to him, filing the silence. Plus, there was the outside world, and the car was between Lucifer and the world. Cars were good. 

Parking lots, on the other hand, were not Lucifer’s forte. Lucifer stuck to Sam like a bur until they got inside and to the waiting area. There was still a press of people, which made Lucifer feel like he was having trouble finding air. But he wasn’t going to pass out in front of people. He had more pride than that. He grabbed Sam’s hand and led him up to the front of the rope line. 

“Excuse me, but some people have been waiting here for hours,” one man said when Lucifer pushed past him, taking the front. 

“Oh yes,” Lucifer said. “I have heard that happens sometimes.” He pressed close to Sam and Sam put his arm around Lucifer’s shoulders. Lucifer relaxed a small bit. He wasn’t alone. He wasn’t trapped. People weren’t staring at him. 

“Hey, I know you want to see you loved ones, but you can’t just push your way to the front.” 

“We did,” Lucifer said. 

“Hey!” The man snapped, grabbing Lucifer’s arm. Lucifer felt his heart slam into his chest. 

“Let go,” Lucifer heard Sam say from somewhere far away. Strong arms circled around Lucifer and held him close. The sound seemed to come back in small intervals until Lucifer realized Sam was looking really worried. 

“I’m okay.” Lucifer said quietly. 

“Okay,” Sam said. He pushed Lucifer to stand in front of him and placed his arms on either side of Lucifer, forming a barrier. Shame clawed at Lucifer’s insides. It shouldn’t be like this. 

Lucifer focused on the people who came out, looking for Raphael only to remember he didn’t actually know what she looked like. He hadn’t looked her up or anything and they hadn’t brought a sign. His eyes moved past face to face, looking for a black woman, and trying to guess at Raphael’s height, since he no longer really remembered. 

“Lucifer?” Raphael’s familiar voice asked. 

Lucifer focused on the woman walking over to him. His mouth hung open a little. “God, you’re beautiful now.” 

Raphael smiled. “And you just got old.” 

Lucifer scowled. “Oh, thank you so much.” 

Raphael laughed and reached across the rope line, dragging Lucifer into a hug. Lucifer stiffened and pulled away. 

“You didn’t used to be a hugger,” he said with a weak smile. 

“I was afraid to before,” Raphael said. She cupped Lucifer’s face in her hands. “I’m so glad to see you again.” 

“Why don’t we go get your bags,” Lucifer said, pulling away.

“Of course,” Raphael said. She waited while Sam and Lucifer came around the rope line to meet her so they could head to baggage claim. 

“This is Sam,” Lucifer said once there wasn’t a rope separating them. Sam kept his arm around Lucifer’s shoulders and Lucifer was so grateful. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Sam,” Raphael said and shook Sam’s hand. 

“It’s good to meet you too. I’m glad you came.”

“Me too,” she said and smiled at Lucifer, bright and blinding. 

They went to baggage claim. The bags hadn’t come up yet, though it looked like they were in the queue. 

“So, what have you been doing all these years?”Lucifer asked, leaning against Sam. 

“About the same really,” Raphael said. 

“Oh come on. I’ve never seen you smile, ever,” Lucifer said. 

Raphael laughed. “Just because my disposition has changed, doesn’t mean I’m not still working the same hours or doing the exact same job.” 

“Do you enjoy it?” Sam asked. “Whatever you do.” 

“I do,” Raphael said. “My job is acquisitions. Have you seen Pretty Woman?” 

“Yeah,” Sam said. 

“That’s sort of what I do, buying up companies and trading the pieces. We keep what we need and add it to our own company and sell the rest to keep the debt down.” 

“That sounds… awful actually,” Sam said. 

“Oh, it’s really the devil’s work, but I enjoy it,” Raphael said. She looked at Sam, who was pulling a face and laughed. “You’re so disappointed.” 

“I’m just not used to it,” Sam said, tightening his old on Lucifer. Lucifer leaned against him more until Sam relaxed. 

“No, I suppose not,” Raphael said. “I looked you up, you know.” 

Sam stiffened. “And?” 

“You’re important to my brother. The rest doesn’t matter to me,” Raphael said. “But I don’t know about the rest, Our family, our friends are all of a certain type. They’ll always see it as Lucifer marrying far below himself, especially if he keeps you.” 

“He’s not going anyway,” Lucifer said through gritted teeth. 

“I’m just warning you,” Raphael said, making her tone more gentle. “Lucifer never stuck so close to anyone before, ever. I’ll support you both if that’s what it comes to, but my word is suspect at the moment and will probably continue to be for the rest of our lives.” 

“Well, that’s some time off,” Sam said. 

“Yeah,” Lucifer agreed. “Look, the bags.” 

“I’ve got it,” Raphael said, clicking on her heels away to fetch her bags. 

“You okay?” Sam asked. 

“She’s… different. How about you?” 

“Is our marriage going to be a problem for you, in the future?” 

“It’s going to be a problem for both of us,” Lucifer said. “But that doesn’t mean I care. Sam, if you ever wanted to divorce me I’d give you half of everything I have, once I get it back, of course.” 

“Why would I want to divorce you?” Sam asked. 

Lucifer smiled and little and moved as close to Sam as he could. “I’m not certain how much I want to go back to my old life… of course right now it would be nice to not have a panic attack when a stranger touches me.” 

“You’ll get there,” Sam said quietly. 

“I hope so by Christmas.” 

“What’s Christmas?” 

“Raphael, why did you need three bags for one week?” Lucifer demanded, seeing his sister, dragging out three bags. 

“One of these is for you,” Raphael said, dragging the biggest piece of luggage over and putting it in his hands. 

“What is it?’ Lucifer asked, looking confused. 

“Things,” Raphael said. 

“That’s not a helpful description,” Lucifer said. 

“It’s a lot of stuff, photos and books and things I remembered you liked,” Raphael said. 

Lucifer backed down at the suitcase. “Are you trying to bribe me?” 

“I’m trying to give you things from home… things I know you liked. Just say thank you.” 

“Thank you,” Lucifer said, looking down at the bag. “Do I keep the bag too?” 

“Yes, now, let’s get my rental car so I can get to the hotel. I’m exhausted.” 

“Sorry we can’t offer you a room,” Sam said. 

“I’m not,” Raphael said. “Come on, we’d kill each other if I was staying with you in your place.” 

“True,” Lucifer said. Raphael grinned and led the way to the car rental desks, rolling her two bags behind her. Sam took charge of the bag Lucifer had been given, and kept an arm around Lucifer. 

Getting a car didn’t take too long. They went with Raphael to help her load things into her car. “I’m staying at the Westin,” Raphael said. “I’ll come by tomorrow morning. I already have your address.” 

“Do you want us to go with you to the hotel?” Sam asked. 

“No, it’s fine,” Raphael said. “You two can go home and have sex or whatever.” 

“Raph!” Lucifer snapped, feeling his face heat up. Raphael laughed warmly and pulled Lucifer in for a hug. She kissed his cheek. Lucifer relaxed eventually into her hold. 

“You do better with less people around,” Raphael said when she pulled away. She looked sad. 

“I’m out, that’s good enough for now,” Lucifer said. 

“No, it isn’t,” Raphael said, ice in her voice. “Sleep well, Lucifer. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“You too,” Lucifer said and dragged Raphael in for a tight hug. 

“I missed you so much,” Raphael whispered in his ear as she squeezed back. 

Pulling away was hard. Watching Raphael go was hard. Sam had to tug him back to the car and Lucifer didn’t speak again until they were home. Lucifer dragged Sam to bed, ignoring the suitcase, in favor of distracting them both with sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a few hours late. This really is a Tuesday/Thursday update. I just went to the doctor's today and it sort of threw me off.


	36. Chapter 36

It didn’t matter that Lucifer had essentially cleaned the apartment from top to bottom three times already, he knew it would never be enough. Just seeing Raphael brought back to him how very different he was now. He liked his apartment, in part because it was small. He could feel rather claustrophobic when he was in their small bathroom with the door shut or locked (which he only did to pee). But otherwise, he didn’t like wide open spaces. There were too many people that could come from any direction and he had no idea where they could even be. 

The apartment was good. It wasn’t too small or too big for him. It was the perfect size for Lucifer. But it was also about the size of his old living room in his old apartment. Raphael showed up in a four thousand dollar suit and shoes that were probably every bit as expensive. Her luggage was worth thousands of dollars on the outside alone. The one she’d left them was probably worth more than what Lucifer and Sam made in three months combined. 

He hadn’t even looked at what was on the inside yet. He wasn’t certain he had the stomach for it. 

“It all looks fine,” Sam soothed. 

“It doesn’t,” Lucifer said. He made his voice quiet, trying to not just snap. Dean’s house wasn’t any better than their apartment, and Sam had said he lived in motels, so what did he know about a home looking good?

“It looks cleaner than it’s ever looked,” Sam said. 

“That doesn’t make it fine, that doesn’t make it good,” Lucifer said, trying not to hiss. 

“Your sister wants to see you, not our home,” Sam said. 

“No, she does want to see our home. She’s going to be so very polite about it, but she’s going to offer me money to try and get out of these “difficult circumstances”. She’s going to take a look at my home and decide it’s no good,” Lucifer said, his voice starting to rise. It sounded like panic even in his own ears. 

“How do you know that?” Sam started. 

“Because that’s what I would do!” Lucifer snapped. “If I’d come here 12 years ago I would have turned up ,my nose at how small it is and how shitty the furniture is, and how much we need new carpet an d that popcorn ceiling look abysmal. That’s how I grew up. That’s who I was. What makes you think he’ll be any different?” 

“She,” Sam corrected in a soft voice. 

“Whatever!” Lucifer shouted. “It’s shit! It’s all shit! All of this is shit and you and I are shit and I don’t need to be reminded that this is all I can afford!” 

What followed was silence. Sam sat down on their crappy sofa and crossed his arms over his chest. Lucifer bit the inside of his cheek. He didn’t want to deal with one of Sam’s debt spirals right now. 

“I like this place,” Sam said. “But then, I guess, what do I know?” 

“Yeah, what do you know?” Lucifer said. “It’s not like you’ve ever had anything worth anything before.” 

He wished he hadn’t said it the second it came out his mouth. He wanted to grab the word and throw them back into his mouth and keep the locked safe behind his teeth. Instead he looked at Sam, who looked half way between hurt and furious. 

Lucifer opened his mouth to say something, possibly an apology, when there was a knock at the door. He looked over, frozen. Sam sighed heavily and stood up. He walked over to the door and opened it. 

“Hello again, Sam,” Raphael said. 

“Good morning, Raphael. Did you sleep well?” Sam asked, stepping aside to let Raphael in. She glanced around the apartment and then settled on the suitcase, which was still sitting by the door. Her gaze shifted to Lucifer where it stayed. 

Lucifer wished he was wearing one of his suits. Forget that Raphael had on heels, and a tee shirt and skirt, forget that Sam looked as casual as he possibly could and still be a little bit dressed up (at Lucifer’s insistence). Lucifer wished at least something in the house looked as expensive as what Raphael could afford.

“I slept fine, thank you Sam. Thank you for letting me come stay in your home,” she answered, stepping in more. 

“How could I turn you away? You’re family now,” Sam said, shutting the door. 

Lucifer inhaled a lot of air through his nose. He caught the look on Raphael’s face. She looked very touched and very surprised. 

“Thank you, Sam,” Raphael said, with true gratefulness in her voice.

“Um, you’re welcome,” Sam said when he turned around and saw Raphael’s face. “It’s nothing,” he added quickly.

“It is to me,” She said. “It’s nice to be welcomed as family even by strangers.” 

Sam gave her an easy smile. “Well, we won’t be strangers for long. Have you eaten yet? Lucifer made a breakfast casserole. It’s kind of amazing.” 

“I wondered what smelled so good,” Raphael said, letting lead her into the kitchen. 

Lucifer moved around them so he could get plates served. Sam had already gotten a third chair for the table and put up one of the wings so there would be more space. He glanced over and saw Sam pulling out Raphael’s chair for her, and hearing her laugh a little. 

“You have a lovely home,” Raphael said. 

“Tell that to Lucifer. He’s been doing a lot of nervous cleaning the past few days,” Sam said a bit slyly. 

Lucifer felt a bit sick. Why had he said that to Sam at all?

“I bet so, he always was something of a neat freak,” Raphael said. 

“Hey,” Lucifer said. 

“Don’t pretend like you’re not,” Raphael said with a little smile. 

“Oh shh,” Lucifer said. He brought the plates over to Raphael and to Sam and then went back for his own. 

“Lucifer’s clearly never waited tables,” Sam said. 

“Is it tease Lucifer day?” Lucifer asked. 

“Yes,” Raphael said. “Sam, do you want to hear an embarrassing Lucifer story?” 

“Yes, please,” Sam said, smiling broadly. He leaned forward a little. 

“Okay, so, when we were little Lucifer really was very much a neat freak. He didn’t like being dirty at all, and when his mother let him buy his own suit he picked one that was pure white.” 

“Oh no,” Sam said. Clearly he could see where this was going. 

“Yeah, but Lucifer loved plants. He’s always loved flowers. His last apartment was practically a green house. He picked a place with a lot of windows and he always had that damn mister that he would carry around and water his plants. Anyway, but little Lucifer didn’t have potted plants, so he’d go wander in trees and the like.” 

“I think Sam can figure it out,” Lucifer grumped. 

“Shhh,” Sam shushed him. Lucifer wasn’t certain if he should feel galled, or actually a little happy that Sam felt like he could. 

“So, one Sunday, after church a bunch of kids went to play before their parents wrangled them to take them home. So we slip away to play. But we just run around in the church buildings,” Raphael continued. “And dad comes to claim us after a while. That’s when we realize that we have no idea where Lucifer is at all.” 

“Dad was livid,” Lucifer said, remembering it very clearly.

“See, it had rained that day, but Lucifer had been really careful. The church actually had this mini garden, and they had rose bushes, and Lucifer always loved rose bushes. He always wanted to look at them. So he snuck out and went there. He’d been really careful, walking slowly and everything so he wouldn’t get messy at all.” 

“And then dad yelled at me,” Lucifer said, feeling unhappiness crawl up into his chest. 

“Dad had all of us on his heels and he was striding really fast, calling for Lucifer, but the garden’s a little ways away, so we guess Lucifer didn’t hear. And then we went around a corner and we saw him. Dad hollered so loud. And Lucifer got startled, and so he tripped, face first into the rose bushes,” Raphael said with a little smirk. 

“Oh no,” Sam said again, starting to laugh. 

“And then, of course, once he got himself out of the rose bush, he fell ass first into the mud.” 

Sam cackled. Lucifer feigned a little laughed, because Raphael was also laughing. 

“It’s hard to picture Lucifer as being so clumsy,” Sam admitted once he’d stopped laughing. 

“Everyone was a kid once,” Raphael said, taking a bite of her casserole. “Mmm, this is good, Lucifer.” 

“Thanks,” Lucifer said. 

Breakfast progressed like that. Raphael pulled out a bunch of stories from when they’d been kids, which Lucifer squirmed through and Sam laughed all the way through. A part of Lucifer was very happy that Sam seemed to be happy. Yet, another part of him also felt like Same was laughing because he knew a lot of those stories made Lucifer uncomfortable, and that Sam wanted to hurt him. 

Except he didn’t imagine that Sam was the kind of man who would do that. He just almost wished that he Sam was.

When breakfast was over, Lucifer put the casserole away and put the dishes in the sink. He didn’t feel like dealing with them. Raphael went out and sat down on the sofa, her second cup of coffee in her hand. 

“I’m glad someone around here makes coffee strong,” Raphael said, before taking a sip from her cup and letting out a rapturous sigh. 

“What can I say, Sam’s grump without it,” Lucifer said. Sam stuck his tongue out at him and Lucifer chuckled. Lucifer sat next to Raphael. “I really am glad you’re here,” he admitted. “Even though you’re still a huge brat.” 

“Indeed I am,” she said, gentling her smile. “Have you opened the suitcase yet?” 

“No,” Lucifer said. 

“I thought not. I’m glad, actually. I wanted to be with you when you opened it, but I also didn’t want to keep anything from you,” she said. 

“You want to open it now?” Sam asked. Lucifer turned to look at him only to realize that Sam was actually asking him. 

“Hmm, oh yeah, let’s do that.” 

Lucifer started to get up, but Sam had already stood up from the rolling chair and walked to the rolling case. He pulled it over and set it down on the floor in front of Lucifer. Lucifer sat down on the floor and unzipped it.

The very first thing on top of his Harvard sweatshirt. 

“Jesus, you kept this?” Lucifer asked, picking it up out of the suitcase. He unfolded it and smiled at it a little. 

“Yeah, of course I kept it. It was comfy,” she said. 

“Of course it was comfy,” Lucifer said. “That’s why you snatched it.” 

“I’m confused,” Sam said. 

“I’d had a really crappy break up, and I stayed over at Lucifer’s for a night. He let me take his sweatshirt home, since I’d come over in my suit. He just made me promise to give it back. I went out of town for a one day trip that day. By the time I go back, Lucifer was already gone,” Raphael explained. 

“Oh,” Sam said. He settled on the floor next to Lucifer. 

The next thing was a briefcase. Lucifer nearly burst into tears. It still had all of the paperwork he’d left in it. He’s stupidly left it in the office. He carefully took out each piece of paper, swallowing thickly. 

“I’m… I’m going to have to shred this,” Lucifer said. 

“Yeah, but not right now,” Raphael told him, resting her hand on his shoulder. 

“Yeah,” Lucifer said weakly. He put the papers back into the briefcase and set it aside.

The next thing he pulled out was one of those silly little clacky balls that you pull one back and it makes the one on the other end pop up. “Up on the table,” Lucifer said, handing it to Raphael, who put it on the little coffee table next to her coffee cup. 

The next was the picture album, which Lucifer set aside. He knew he would be able to focus if he looked at it. He was glad too, because Raphael had managed to pack three paintings into the suitcase, stacked on top of each other. One was a little landscape, a water color that Lucifer had bought from a street vendor in Russia, and had framed when he got home. Another was of ballerina’s that he’d bought his Paris. The last was of a garden, and it was so big that Lucifer could barely get it out of the suit case. It had just fit in. 

“Well, now we’ll have something to put on the walls,” Sam said. 

“Yeah,” Lucifer said. “You don’t mind, right?” 

“No, they’re nice,” Sam said. “And they’re making you happy already.” 

“You got a tool box, Sam?” Raphael asked. 

“Yeah,” Sam said, getting up and heading for the closet. 

Lucifer pulled out the last thing from the suit case. It was a blanket that Lucifer had been given by his old summer camp after he’d donated a lot of money to it when he was an adult. He unfolded, marveling at it. He’d completely forgotten it existed. 

“Up,” Lucifer said. He made Raphael move while he stood, refolding the blanket just once. He tossed it over the back o the sofa and grinned. He could see the camp logo. 

“Is that yours?” Sam asked. 

“Yeah,” Lucifer said. “Not a problem?” 

“Nah, now Meg has something to sleep over the next time she sleeps over,” Sam said. He had a big smile on and Lucifer smiled back. 

“There are things in the front pockets,” Raphael said. 

Lucifer knelt back down and dug through the two outer pockets. The larger one had letters, hand written letters. Lucifer looked up at Raphael with huge eyes. “How did you get these?” he asked softly. 

“I borrowed a box from your place the time I knew you were gone. Your writing box. I realized later that it had letters from your mom,” Raphael said. 

“Thank you,” Lucifer said quietly. With shaking hands he set the bundle aside with album. Then he reached back in. He laughed when he pulled out his old cell phone and charger. 

“It was at your office,” Raphael explained. “Which I’m now working out of, in fact started working out of as soon as you were gone. I’ve got a lot of your office stuff in storage. I can have it sent here, if you’d like.” 

“I would,” Lucifer said. There would be pictures and things on his old phone, files and stuff. He set that aside too and then moved on to the top pocket. 

There were no more grand revelations, just little things he’d left at Raphael’s: a set of tie clips, the tie pin from his fraternity, the pen he inherited from their grandfather, an old address book, the wooden crucifix Lucifer had gotten as a gift from his mother’s mother after he’d already left the church, a little plastic slinky and a deck of cards that had nude models. 

The last one made Sam laugh when he saw it. 

“At least someone’s laughing,” Lucifer muttered. He put the letters and the photo album into the letters into the suitcase and zipped it close. He wasn’t ready for them yet. He took the other knick knacks and put them on his and Sam’s dresser. He’d deal with hose later too. 

“Lucifer, do you want to put these pictures up?” Sam called. 

“Coming!” Lucifer called. 

It wasn’t quite perfect, but with the blanket and the paintings and his sister sprawled across the sofa and laughing, the apartment felt a little more like home.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Monster Outside The Box](https://archiveofourown.org/works/936585) by [lapsi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lapsi/pseuds/lapsi)




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